How to Communicate Sexual Needs & Ignite Intimacy

Why does desire fade—and how do we get it back? In this episode, we sit down with Athena Gayle, Sex Expert at Arya, to explore how long-term couples can revive intimacy, increase desire, and communicate needs without awkwardness or pressure. We unpack how to escape “roommate mode,” redefine sex as connection instead of performance, and try simple, low-pressure practices that build real desire over time.

In this episode, we discuss:

• why routine kills desire in long-term relationships
• rebuilding intimacy with touch, play & presence
• using skin-to-skin hugs & shower embraces
• yes–no–maybe lists for aligned desires
• safe ways to ask for fantasies or kinks
• how Arya’s curated Scenes reduce mental load
• audio erotica, prompts & erotic personas
• planning sex without losing spontaneity
• approaching threesomes, consent & boundaries
• exploring roleplay & dominance safely
• using AI tools to build connection & confidence

Athena also explains how Arya’s intimacy platform helps couples initiate closeness, spark novelty, and communicate needs with clarity and confidence.

Whether you’re seeking more closeness, more novelty, or just less pressure in the bedroom, this conversation offers real, usable practices that deepen desire and connection.

Find Athena / Arya
Instagram: @arya.fyi
Website: www.arya.fyi

Buzzsprout - Let's get your podcast launched!
Start for FREE

Disclaimer: This post contains affiliate links. If you make a purchase, I may receive a commission at no extra cost to you.

Chapters

• 0:00 Meet Athena And The Mission
• 5:42 Owning Your 30s And Self
• 11:17 What Aria Actually Does
• 17:12 Why Couples Lose The Spark
• 23:22 Foreplay Over Pressure
• 28:22 Actionable Ways To Reconnect
• 36:07 Fantasies, Kinks, And Safety
• 44:32 Threesomes, Boundaries, And Consent

Transcript

SPEAKER_01: 0:45

I'm really excited though to get to know you more and to get to know more about the brand. So, hello everybody. This is Jacqueline Cotton with Jess Women Talking Shit. And I want to tell you a little bit about today's guest, Athena. So Athena is a sex expert and advisor at the company named Aria, an intimate wellness brand that's shaking up how I think uh couples connect. Um, with four, well, it's over four years, right? Over four years of sexual um wellness experience in the industry, you help create and curate what are called customized scenes, right? Okay. And coaching that bring novelty, excitement, and deeper intimacy into relationships, which I'm super curious about as a married woman in today's age. She's all about breaking the routine, ditching the shame, and making connection feel fun again, which if you are in a romantic relationship or if you've been in one for an extended amount of time, you know that's really important. So if you or your loved life could use a little spark or even a lot of spark, I really do think this episode is going to be for you. So Allah Athena has already got her drink. I'm gonna sip on some water. It's so funny. It's so funny we're talking about this today because today was one of the days that we have five kids total. Oh my goodness. Bless you. And today is one of those days where we have the house to ourselves. So this is a good topic, and I feel like I'm gonna learn a lot because we had our little what we call a family meeting, and and I feel like there's a lot to learn, especially at my age. I'm 36. Oh, I just turned 35. Did you? Yeah. Okay, is the dirty 30s something that people reference to? Because I'm feeling it.

SPEAKER_00: 2:35

You know, my 30s have been the best time of my life. I will say, by the time I was done with my 20s, I was exhausted. I had been, I'd gone to college, I'd moved across the country, I had married, I had bought a house, I'd had a kid, I'd gotten divorced, I had bought another house, and like by the time I hit almost 30, I'm like, I am being exhausted. Like the 30s have to be so much better, right? Like this, this, I love my 30s. I every time I talk to somebody who's reaching their 30s, like there's other people on the Aria team who are late 20s, and I'm like, just hold your 30s are amazing. Like, I feel like you finally just don't care. And you're all about this owning yourself, like all those things that you were like cringy or that you kind of gave up. You're like, no, I like those things, and I don't care what anybody has to say. I am going to own it. Um, I feel like I've gotten my sparkle back in my 30s that I had lost a lot of it in my 20s. And honestly, I think it's because I just own the space that I get to live in every day. And of course, working with Aria and like just talking about sex and how to make other people's sex lives amazing every single day of my life, just it brings so much joy. It just so much spark.

SPEAKER_01: 4:00

We call that, or at least I've heard it called this, getting your pink back. Ooh. Kind of like a flamingo. I think that's the whole principle. But I so resonate with that whole twenties. Twenties it was a dumpster fire for me. You're talking about that, we call it gutter fire. Gutter fire dumpster, because it was it was just that's just wheel it away. Just wheel it away, let it go. Everything seemed to it was, I guess the how it was supposed to go, but I I just resonated with that. And then yeah, I was just having a conversation with my husband. I was like, I think I'm about to just do it all. I think I'm about to do it all. I'm gonna I'm gonna go ahead and do the com the stand-up comedy and why not try to act. And I was like, I'm reaching my Tina Faye era where I just don't give a fuck. I'm gonna do it all and go for it. So it's funny that we're talking about that. But I love that for you. And sitting around and talking, I'm not saying you sit around, but that's I guess an expression, sitting around talking about sex all day. That's a good thing.

SPEAKER_00: 5:06

Yeah, that's amazing. Pretty fun. We were having a like a concierge meeting yesterday. So I am part of the concierge team. Uh, so as you had like talked about, we help develop these curated scenes every month. So basically, the the elevator pitch, you know, on Aria is let us do the thinking for you. Like, let's make sex and intimacy so simple again. There's no reason in today's world with all the technology at your fingertips that like you need to overthink anything. And so you and your partner sign up, you both like take a quiz and decide, you give us like a little peek into your desires, and and maybe it's stuff you haven't even talked to your partner about because it can be really hard sometimes to bring up those secret fantasies that you have, or you know, maybe you like a little more dirty talk than they've been giving and but don't really know how to ask for it. And so we take all your little desires that you've kept, you know, inside, or maybe you've talked about, and then we take what your partner's into, and we basically come up with these super customized monthly experiences where it's not just like items, you also get just tons of content, and that's where I come in. And I write all of those guides and content and conversation starters and themes, ideas, and we work with the concierge to make sure that they're like really hooking you up with what is going to make intimacy so simple. And then, of course, you do get items. Um, but that's to me, like, that's not the coolest part. The coolest part is actually having someone like whisper in your ear, these are the things to say, these are the things to do, chuck her here, touch him there, spend some more time there, avoid there, and just have a great night without having to overthink it. Like, we can literally tell you everything to think, and I love that. And so yesterday, my little tangent, uh, we were sitting on the in our concierge meeting, just you know, what are people interested in? What's the feedback been? And it's so fascinating to me just to find out what people are interested in. That's like the easy part of me. And then and then bring it to them. Like, for instance, so I'm Midwest based, I live in Nebraska, and um so you know, a lot of our members come from come from the Midwest, because no matter what people think about the Midwest, you got some kinky folks, you got some folks who love sex in the Midwest, and they were looking at okay, what are the Midwesterners looking for? What do they want? And one of the main skills that kept coming up was oral sex, and I was like, yes, please, like, let's get way more oral sex up in here. Like oral sex and dirty talk were very popular for the Midwesterners, so I love it. I just every day, I just I feel so lucky. Like I tell people all the time, I just feel really lucky that I need to live this every day. So you do, you do all the things that you just said you were gonna do.

SPEAKER_01: 8:23

It's gotta be rewarding because for like, you know, I I joke about the dirty thirties and whatnot, but a lot of just now getting into figuring out the whole sexual aspect. What do I like, what do I not like, is deeply rooted in a lot of shame for me being in Mississippi, you know.

SPEAKER_00: 8:43

Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_01: 8:44

Religion, church, stuff like that. Yeah, I feel you. Yeah. So this this feels like um a good tool to have access to for people who are like having trouble bringing it up or or trying to explore that, but you know, it's I don't know, it's still I you can tell I'm kind of uncomfortable talking about it in a sense because how do you bring these things up, right? Yeah. So definitely I find this interesting, very interesting. Um, so with you being an expert, I have I have some questions that I feel like will go hand in hand with the company, but also give my audience some like good, tangible, no bullshit advice. You know what I mean? I love it. Like people who are like, look, I'm trying to get laid, or I'm trying to I'm trying to do this and like, yeah, tonight, how can how the fuck can we help it? Yeah. Through you know, your expertise and then the company as well. So um, with you having worked in sexual wellness for four plus years, um, I'm curious, do you have like a general aspect or an answer as far as why couples lose that spark and what um actually works to help them get it back?

SPEAKER_00: 10:00

Yeah, I think a lot of it is just routine, especially, you know, people who cohabitate and have cohabitated for a long time. It's so easy to like fall into that roommate sort of vibe where you're just kind of like circling around each other and you're a little bit more than roommates, you know, you are like snuggling to watch your favorite shows, you're bringing each other maybe a coffee in the morning, but like barely a step up from that roommate vibe, just really like satellites, just kind of like going about your your motions, and I think those daily habits and having that monotony is really what ends up ruining a lot of people's intimacy, and then they get into this rut where it's been so long now. Or um, you know, especially for women who crave a lot of physical touch, who want that sort of foreplay and that sort of physical intimacy, but may not want penetration every single time. Well, then they become afraid that, you know, if I just touch my partner automatically they're gonna want penetration, or automatically, you know, we're just gonna go straight into the act. And so then they stop touching in general because they're afraid that if they just touch just a tiny bit, it'll lead to something that they weren't really wanting. They just wanted physical, emotional, intimate connection. Um, and I think those are kind of the two main reasons why we lose those those sparks is the the monotony, but then kind of wanting different things in in the bedroom. And when you've been in those long-term relationships, your interests change. Like what I was into in my 20s, or what I was willing to put up with in my 20s, is way different than what I'm into now, versus in what I'm like willing to put up with in a partner, or uh what my expectations in a partner. I I've found that like as I'm in my mid-30s, I have a lot more expectations around intimacy and connection and that kind of emotional intelligence. Um, and that's a huge part of my intimate life now, more so than it was, you know, at the beginning stages where everything's just hot and heavy, and you're like, just fuck it. We're just gonna fuck all the time. Like that's you're once you kind of get past that like initial physical spark, now it's okay, we need that connection, we need that intimacy. And, you know, how do we find that? How do we have these communication, you know, these talks again? People just stop talking about things. It's how is your day and how is the office and what c what do we have going on this weekend? Do we have anything planned for Friday night? You know, I have a golf tournament this weekend. It's all these different things that um and then you lose yourself to, you know, if you have kids. That's not only do you lose yourself just within your partnership, but then you add the layer of, you know, having kids around and and especially small children, you just you lose those intimate partnerships, those really intimate times where you're not just talking about work, kids, and your weekend plans and who's doing dishes tonight and what is doing dinner.

SPEAKER_01: 13:36

Oh man. You so you mentioned something about how like the physical touch aspect, but it leading to somewhere. You I had a little bit of an epiphany. I'm like, that is me. You know, in the beginning, I was definitely very hands-on. Yeah. But but and it just I just experienced a few minutes ago before we got on the call, I was having a really hard time getting into that headspace. And so I was trying to be very verbal about just rub me. Yeah. Like maybe like a massage, but there's this disconnect with women and men, I think, whenever it comes to like initiating. So, like for me, I don't always want it to lead to that. And I just have that realization that maybe I don't know, there is the kid aspect, but whenever it comes to actual intercourse, like maybe I don't look forward to it as much because I'm not getting the like affection and the physical touch that I want that kind of warms me up and makes me feel closer to that to my husband. So that was that was really freaking helpful.

SPEAKER_00: 14:44

Um that's one thing I love about what we do at Aria because this is something that's so important to me. And maybe because I'm working there, it's like rewired my brain too. Is we just don't focus on penetration, we don't focus on like sexual intercourse. Every single scene that you get, you don't have to have sex. Now, a lot of people want to have sex and they end it with sex, but like the main focus is all that foreplay, all that connection, all that touching. Um, we have a whole scene about massage. So if erotic massage is something that you're interested in, and like there doesn't have to be a happy ending with the massage. The happy ending is you guys gotta touch each other naked and for like half an hour or more. And how often is that happening anymore? How often are we just touching each other without the pressure, you know, to to perform? Because I I will say, you know, especially for me and maybe from a women's point of view, we do need more of that, but men have a lot of pressure too to perform. And for sure as men get older, you know, they may uh struggle with erectile dysfunction or um have some hormone issues or, you know, all these different prostate issues. And if they can't perform intercourse or penetrative sex, they might also withdraw from having any sort of touching because they think sex only sex is penetrative. And so we're really trying to like reframe it and rewire people to understand that like sex is not just penetration, there's just so much more to it. And if every single month you open all your items and you read all the guidance and you don't actually have sex, but you have like an amazing time just reconnecting and touching, like I've won, I've won my day. That's how I feel.

SPEAKER_01: 16:39

Awesome. So, what would be like your most actionable step and tip here? Would it be communication? And if so, like what are how how do we bring these things up?

SPEAKER_00: 16:49

Yeah, so I am a lot more physical, and so my actionable step for a physical person is to be naked around each other in a non-sexual way, and so I feel like sometimes we get into the like, okay, I get undressed, quickly put on my pajamas, or quickly take off my pajamas and quickly get dressed, and we're just not naked around each other, shower together. Like, there is just nothing more reconnective than like getting naked, showering together, feeling your body physically touch without the expectation of it going anywhere else. So getting is getting naked is always my and uh if you're uncomfortable being completely naked, get down to just brawn panties. Um, and they can just be, you know, in their in their under garments, whatever they choose that to be. Um, and just uh holding each other and being close and doing the lengthy hugs, but skin to skin. We need more of that skin to skin contact. Um so that's my that's my actual advice for the physical person that would be for me. Um and then my advice for somebody who really just needs kind of an intimacy reset. Um get an intimacy deck. So those cards, I know they sound kind of like hokey, but get something that's gonna open that communication where you don't have to actually think of those things yourself. And then it's kind of off of you, like it's not me that's asking these things, it's not me that's wondering these things. Like, I that's my card. I have to ask. I have to, I have to ask this thing. And um, and having some other way to to talk. Talking is the number one like helpful thing when it comes to sex, communication, open communication, and feeling like you have a safe space to talk with your partner and not feel judged, um, and also be that for them. Now, talking in person can be a bit of a struggle. I definitely struggle with expressing my some of my feelings in person. I'm a very like internal processor. I have full-on conversations in my head um before I ever get to a conversation. And that's probably why I lean into writing so much. But so I am a bit of a feelings texter. Now, you should not argue via text. Do not argue via text. There's so much that can be taken out of context. But sharing like a desire, or I really loved the way you did this last night, and I'd love to do that a little bit more. Or my favorite, my favorite line is like, I had a dream. I had this really sexy dream that like we were in the closet and you like swatted my ass, and like that was so sexy to me. Now, maybe you didn't really have this dream, but now you can share this desire, this kink with somebody without feeling as weird. Again, you can kind of put it on like my dream self and your dream self uh were really into this thing, and I think we could do it in real life. Um, those are kind of my my my openers when you when you're a little because it's just hard to share these things and talk about these things. And so if you have a way to like, it wasn't me, but really yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 20:41

No, that makes sense because there is a lot of I mean, if you were to just watch like the movies and it goes back to frickin', you know, Disney, it's like supposed to be this little fairy tale, and nobody tells you that there are kinks and that you're you'll be afraid of being kink chained and and all these things. So it's like, well, when the fuck do we talk about this? You hold it inside, and like there are things that you know we you were talking about fantasies earlier, that sometimes you are just worried, like, will my partner see me differently? You know, and it's like it's not um a matter of not them not being enough, it's just like man, that's that sounds pretty good right now, you know, just one of those fantasies. And I'm gonna blame porn on my end. I think I just was I started watching porn too early, but I've got a million things that I'm like, oh, that sounds fun. That sounds fun. So getting into the the the age where you're comfortable talking about that.

SPEAKER_00: 21:41

Um yeah, and people are way kinkier than they let on or are willing to talk about. So we had done like a huge survey, over a hundred thousand people, and like one out of three people wanted to try something kinkier in the bedroom. Like that's wild to me. One of our number one skills that people come to Aria looking for is restraint play and bondage. And I mean, that's just warms my heart. Um, because I want people to like really own their kinky self and to realize that if you're thinking of it, guaranteed, a million other people have thought about it. And you are not alone, and maybe your partner has thought about it too. And you just won't know until you ask, and they could be grappling with the same thing, like, oh my gosh, I've always wanted to like spank them, but will they think I'm weird if I spank them? And like, we've never had any sort of like physical stuff like that. And I'm like, I'm not dominating, like, I'm not a dominating personality, and it that's okay. You don't, I always say, like, for especially we're having this this whole um, you know, fantasy book talk uh resurgence right now. I see all the reels of like the guy with his hand over the door frame and like all of this really commanding presence. And you know, we have a lot of women who are like, well, I want my partner to be more dominant and like in the bedroom and really take control. And I always I explain it as there's a difference between being aggressive and being assertive, and like dominance is all about being that assertive commanding presence. It does not mean aggression. You can be an assertive, take control partner and never like physically caught do any pain, pleasure, play at all, because some people just aren't into that. And so it's learning the nuances of what you guys are into, and then really where your boundaries are. Um, and one another easy actionable, I'm I'm all about the let's figure out easy actionable ways to to actually make this happen because I want your listeners to like fuck tonight.

SPEAKER_01: 24:05

Um I love it. Let's fuck tonight, y'all.

SPEAKER_00: 24:08

Let's tonight. Um is a is a yes, no, maybe list. And so that's basically there's all there's so many of them available. We even have one um through Aria, but there's so many. And basically it's like a whole list of like every single play style you could think of, every single sect act, anything. And there's yes, no, maybe. And it's like then you just check yes to this, no to this, maybe to this. Let's talk about it. Yes to this, no to this, maybe to this, and do it the one time, you know, each fill it out, and then make a point to do at least three of the where you guys overlapped in the yeses in the next month, and then do another couple, and then six months from then redo it, redo your yes no, maybe checklist because it could change. And you could have tried something in the maybe list, and you now know it is in your no list. Like we are never gonna do that again. Um, but at least you tried like the novelty of that and just the novelty of filling out a yes no maybe list, maybe what is what kick starts your your sex drive that evening. Um, just talking about these things.

SPEAKER_01: 25:26

Okay. I like all those. I've never thought to do a yes no maybe list. I'm like that. That feels like homework tonight. Uh I'm curious because I so when we talk about, you know, when we say the word kink, I feel like that's becoming there's a lot of people out there normalizing it right now. But I'm also curious because you've mentioned things like, you know, spanking and I guess um having physical products, bringing those into the bedroom. However, I'm curious, like, are people coming with the fantasies of introducing other people? And if so, how how do you guys handle that? Because I I I foresee that being something that's like, how do you bring it out to your partner? Because some people I feel like might feel they're not enough, but I but I know what it's like to have a fantasy and just want to know, is that a possibility? So when it comes to bringing other partners into the bedroom, you know, I feel like the poly life is becoming uh more widely known and accepted. Um I've done some research on this. Uh, non, I mean, ethical, non-monogamy stuff like that. I've been hearing that thrown around and so I'm curious. Um, if that is something that, you know, couples are coming to you with. And if so, how how are you navigating that in an ethical way that makes both partners feel sane and harder?

SPEAKER_00: 26:49

Uh definitely we we get that request a lot. Um, it is the one of the number one fantasies here in America uh of having a threesome. I'll just keep it simple, a threesome. Um that does not mean just because you fantasize about it, that it's something you actually want to act out in real life. And so kind of a soft core way that we will bring it to a couple who is just starting to explore this is a little bit of stranger roleplay, is pretending, you know, not just in the house, because I think in my opinion, stranger roleplay is really hard to do in your own environment. Um, it's, you know, planning a place where you two can meet, where you don't come together, you get ready separately, and then you act out this whatever scenario it is, you know, just meeting them at the bar. Maybe you had a date that didn't show up, and then they're sitting there and or like you're reconnecting is like high school. But let's start with like turning up your relationship a teeny bit, spicing up your relationship just by acting out this kind of stranger role play to add this fantasy of having another person. Um, because just because you fantasize about having another person doesn't mean you actually want another person. Like you can be so happy and so grounded and so well in your relationship and still have these fantasies of different people. And that is really simple, like low-key, easy way to bring that in. Um, and then physically you can bring in the the thought of a of another person. So with women in particular, you have maybe they have a male, like two men, one female fantasy, um, which may seem like a lot in real life. Like I this like I I think that's an awesome fantasy. I love this fantasy. It's one of my fantasies. I think it's just amazing. Do I want it in real life? I don't know. Like that seems like a lot. That seems that seems like a lot for a person. Um and so a lot of work. Like a lot of work. Um, yeah, can I just lay there and you both like just pleasure me? Um, and so then how you simulate this with your partner is you bring in, you know, some items. So you you explore like double penetration. Um, you bring in um they have like sleeves that you can like put on your partner that feel, look, do different things. They I mean they have everything from like really realistic to like ultra fantasy. I mean, there when I get into like when I say that if you've thought about something, there's other people that have thought about it, there is so much you can do in the fantasy realm. If real if werewolves are your thing, you can find a werewolf sleeve and you can make that happen. Um, and so there are ways to make these, and then and then for the male perspective, you can have, you know, those sleeves that that you know feel like different vulvas, or I think I think most people know them as like pocket pussies, um, which I think is such a a strange word, but um, and there are so many of them. There are ones that are like automatic, there are ones that vibrate, there are ones that you know you can sync up with erotica, there are ones that you can sync up with your partner, you can do so. There are so many ways. But if you've done that and you're like, no, we are, I still want to like bring in a third person, you have to talk about it. Like the amount of communication that goes into bringing in another person into your dynamic um is an insane amount. And I will say, you are gonna talk about it more than you're gonna do it. Um, you are gonna and and maybe just talking about it really turns you on, and that's fine. But you will talk about it, you will talk about your boundaries. You've gotta make sure that you're both into it. Like this isn't something that they're just doing for you. This isn't like, okay, you did spanking for me, so I will bring in a third person for you. Like those do not equal. Um, you both have to be really, and then you have to decide what will that third person look like? Will they just be a person that you bring in to have fun with, and then like they go about their day? Or will they become this is where that kind of poly, will they become a decision maker within your relationship? And that um is probably a boundary that not a lot of people who are having threesomes go into. Um, it's totally okay to like, you know, find that person that chemistry just clicks, you bring them in, you have an amazing time, you have talked to them, they're okay, you've maybe hung out. I always recommend you hang out socially a couple times before um having them in the bedroom. Um, and really like get to know them as a person. Um, and then this is just my my advice is find a neutral place to do the meetup. Do a hotel room, don't don't bring them back to to your home, don't go to their home. Um find it, find a neutral place that so that way it's kind of a really isolated experience. It won't infringe upon your space with your partner or their space with maybe their partner if they have one or whatever. Um, and so how Aria does this is uh mostly the softer stuff, this the stranger role play, the physical aspect of like feeling like you're bringing in another person. Our concierge will talk through case by case um couples or individuals who are messaging us and like, hey, I really have this fantasy, and then we will provide them on like the different sorts of conversation starters, how to broach it. We have different resource guides on how to have these conversations with your partner and then like good steps to take. Um, but we don't have like a threesome experience. Like, we're not gonna send you a third person um to do this with. I was gonna say thank you for spelling that out so that listeners know that. We'll get like a request like come, we want a threesome. And I'm like, I can't send you a person. Like, I just can't melt order brides for threesome. But I will set you up in the best way possible to go out and do this. And honestly, what I think a lot more couples should be doing if they are really into this kind of exhibition and being around other people is join a lifestyle club somewhere where you guys can go in a safe space where there's other like-minded people who like to have sex in front of other people, who like to maybe make out with other partners. Um, lifestyle clubs are not all about swingers. So there's, you know, just because you like the idea of making out with somebody else or having somebody else watch you and your partner, you know, do the deed doesn't just automatically make you a swinger. Um, and and those those clubs are so safe and so nice. And I think, in my opinion, I think they're a way better day night than like dinner in a movie. I would so much rather like go to a really safe, like full of consent. Um, nobody's gonna touch me without my consent, nobody's gonna do anything appropriate, everyone's there for the same thing with the same sort of like acknowledgement. I would rather do that than like go sit at a bar. I feel safer. So um and I just fun.

SPEAKER_01: 35:24

They're fun? Yeah, what does one Google to find one of these establishments?

SPEAKER_00: 35:32

Yes, I would say Instagram has a pretty good um, like don't you might end up ruining your algorithm, but like brand on their accounts. But there are so many respectable places um that that people can do these things. And once you really start scratching the surface, we had talked about, you know, all these fantasies and kinks and how you can just go to so many levels. Um you're just gonna realize how regular everyone is. Everyone's so regular. I mean, it's just mom and dad next door who are, you know, at these things because they just need a way to reconnect and have a sexual experience that's a little different than what they've been doing for the like the last 15 years. And and they may never actually play with another couple at all. They just go to these things to have a different experience and then to be like, you know what? It's pretty cool that we went to this. Like, that's that's really out of the box for us. So um, yeah, I definitely am a fan.

SPEAKER_01: 36:36

Oh my gosh. Well, yeah, I like I was saying, might have to create a new account, an Instagram account, just and don't want to fuck my algorithm up. Like my kids look at my account and mom.

SPEAKER_00: 36:48

Oh, and that's that's one thing that I always say, like that I love about what I do, is we'll send you everything so you don't have to fuck up your algorithm. If you're curious about this, we'll send you a guide. You don't even have to search for it yourself. We have everything that you need. Like, we'll keep it contained within our little app, and you don't ever have to like ruin your algorithm with all of these maybe things you don't really want to see on a regular basis.

SPEAKER_01: 37:19

Okay, so tell me about the actual ARIA experience. I go to your website. What does that look like if I'm interested in starting this experience?

SPEAKER_00: 37:28

Definitely. So we have a pretty like I don't want to say lengthy because it's not lengthy, but a really well-researched, well-backed onboarding quiz that you and your partner go through. Now, you can do it without, like, you do not have to have your partner go through it to make an Aria account. That's a question that we get quite a bit, is like, if I just want to do this on my own, like maybe I just want to surprise my partner with like some skills, or they're not interested, or they'll just read it off my phone. Um, then like you don't need your partner to go through the onboarding. Now I will say I think couples who do it together in each other's own account and have done the both the onboarding flow and have figured out, you know, their likes, dislikes, erotic personas, then they do really well. They're gonna get a better, more enriched experience out of Aria. Um, but our so you solo users are also having a wonderful time. So you go in, you do this onboarding flow, we find out, you know, the basics. Um, who are you, what sort of relationship, and then we'll ask you more relationship-based questions, like how do you feel in your relationship? Like, do you feel like it's safe to talk about things in your relationship, like kink sex, all that stuff? And do you feel safe talking? Um, how do you feel like connected with them? So we have these like little circle things. It's like I feel disconnected or I feel disconnected or I feel disconnected, and you kind of decide, you know, where you're at. And um, and then we'll ask, you know, what has brought you to Aria? Are you wanting to just spice things up in the bedroom? Do you want to have more sex? Are you having a phenomenal amount of sex, but you just want to explore more? Do you need more intimate communication? Have you maybe dealt with a pain point that you guys are trying to work through? So that could be anything from like a disability, a chronic illness, a recent surgery, um, maybe some recent infidelity, and you're really just trying to come to Aria to resolve or figure out ways to have maybe a newer intimacy that's different than than you had before. Um, or just, you know, we're here for fun. And so you go through that, you also find out what your erotic persona is, and so we have four different erotic persona types. We have an adventurer, you have a director, a connector, and a romantic. So your director is like super physical, let's have sex now, not really into foreplay, very visually stimulated. Your adventurer is gonna be the more kink forward ones, kind of up for anything, um, willing to try new things, and um is a little is of course sex focused, but not near as sex focused as that director type. The romantic is the one that's like, let's have these, you know, connective experiences, let's do an erotic massage, let's have a date night, let's have more romance, let's have more foreplay. And then the connectors, um, they are the ones who are like, let's have a connective experience. Textures matter to me, sensations matter to me, tastes matter to me, my head space really matters to me. Um, and based off your erotic persona and your partner's erotic persona, we can then curate what your monthly experiences are gonna be. And so once we have that information from you, you get you'll be contacted by the concierge. So everybody gets their own concierge that they can message, and uh the concierge is the one that's gonna be looking at all your stuff and then basically deciding what is gonna be the best course for your erotic journey. Um, and so generally we'll show you, we'll give you your first scene. So each scene is like each month, so it's a monthly membership. So each scene, each month you get a scene, and they're like an all-encompassing erotic uh experience. And so let's say you and your partner are like both adventurers, and you want to try something new, you have great sex, but you're looking for something different. You may get connected with a scene called heat. So heat is all about like temperature play and a little bit of sensation play, and then there's a little bit of boundary pushing. And so, like instantly you get to unlock all of that, all that information. We have videos, we have guides, we have conversation starters, we have fantasies. So we even have like erotica that it's all about that experience that you're having. Audio erotica, we have build your own fantasies, uh, where you basically say, like, I'm you know, male, I'm female, I want to be in command, I want to surrender, I want it intimate, I want erotic, like, and we will then create a fantasy just for what exactly you're looking for to read and like you know get inspiration from. Um, because I think that's probably the hardest part sometimes is like, okay, I read the guide, like I know how to do, but now I need to be inspired. Um, and that's where the fantasy comes in, is to like inspire you. Um, and then uh we have playlists curated for each scene. So actually I do the playlist curation. I I have found that like music is just so important to me. And I if I could have like a theme to every single daily things, like that would make me so happy. Like I need that sort of stimulation. And so we actually have each experience has its own playlist that is just created for that experience that you're gonna be living. And so you get that, you get um all the items sent to you. Uh, so you'll get actual items. So you've done like we've had intimacy building activities, you've like read stuff together, you've done fantasies together, you've maybe done a couple of like funny erotic mad libs together. Because it's really about like building that connection and like just you two taking time to talk about something that isn't your everyday life, and so you've done that, and then you get your items like discreetly delivered to your house, and then voila, you get to bring that scene to life. Um, and it's just it's so amazing. And then, of course, we have like a the night of play, um, where we give you like a breakdown. Like, I if you def if you need like a step-by-step, we have that for you. And then, like, if you're like, let me just read it, I can do this myself, like we're here for you as well. It's whatever we we span every beginner to like uh you know expert. Um we're gonna we're gonna be there for you. Um, and I just and then on top of that, you also have your concierge that you get to like message and be like, well, you know, we learned about temperature play, but then they were really interested in bondage during temperature play. Do you have a resource on like how to talk about bondage in our in our thing? Or temperature play was too much, we actually need a dial back, we need to have more intimate conversations. How can we like build up our intimacy more? Or you've sent us a lot of intimacy things. Now we really want to like spice it up. So, like, how do we then and then each month is being customized and curated based off of what you just did, what you felt about it, and what you want to do next. It's the most personalized sex experience that you can have. Um, and I think that's pretty amazing because there's just so much in the world that we use technology for. Like, why wouldn't you use it to make your sex life better?

SPEAKER_01: 45:50

Yeah, this is all it's sounding pretty good. You got me you guys you got me sold because I am socially awkward, I'm introverted, but deep down your girl's a freak. And so it's I get it. I get it.

SPEAKER_00: 46:05

How do you there's a reason why I work from home?

SPEAKER_01: 46:09

I love it so much. I love it so much. Oh man. Okay, Athena, this has been amazing. I want to thank you. I'm gonna read off my little my little notes. I'm super ADHD, by the way. But I want to thank you for keeping it real and giving us, you know, such practical, no fluff insight. I really take pride on this show being like the the no bullshit self-help podcast, you know. And so I I gotta thank you personally for that. Um, and I feel like my audience has those practical steps now so that they can actually deepen their intimacy, because as you said, intimacy is much more than intercourse. And my mind goes to, oh yeah, intimacy, like I it we're not having enough sex, but intimacy is so much deeper than that. It's is what I've learned today. So um, and I feel like you've helped us, you know, have some insight on how to bring the hate back or that spark back because you're right, it does become like this roommate energy. And it's like, and then you try to plan for it, and that falls through, or I don't know, I get in my head a lot about that. Like we're planning it. But I heard from another sex expert on the Mel Robbins podcast, we're always planning for it. Like what that's what we're doing when we date. Yeah, planning sex. And I'm like, oh shit. Yes, and change my perspective.

SPEAKER_00: 47:35

Planned sex is fine. You can have a planned Thursday night sex date, but find ways to build up to it, you know. Take some, snap a picture of your bed, wear a little sexier something underneath your clothes that day. Like, you know, arouse yourself a little bit more instead of, well, every Thursday night we like take 10 minutes and we get get it done. Like you can just have so much more fun with it than yeah, than sometimes we allow ourselves to have.

SPEAKER_01: 48:06

Yeah. I'm finding that being playful is is kind of where it's at. And and I think back to when my husband and I first met, I was so awkward. I'm still so awkward. I still have a hard time looking him in the eyeballs when we're having sex. I'm just like, don't, don't. Because I'm just awkward. I've I've I'm weird like that. But um, so figuring out that it's supposed to be playful and that I can just fucking start laughing in the middle of sex has given me a lot of liberation. And so I like that that you're bringing the fun back to it and and making it playful, which is super important. Yes. Um you go ahead, sorry.

SPEAKER_00: 48:45

I was just I was just gonna say, like, I live in this space, I pro I product test so much, I and I still struggle with with you know not letting the roommate thing take over. I it's so normal, and I just really want people to understand like you're not alone in that. And even a person who regularly lets a freak flag fly, like will still struggle with this. Like it's it's something you really have to work for all the time and to keep open, and you're not alone, and you can do it. Like I I believe in you.

SPEAKER_01: 49:29

I believe in you. You got cheerleaders over at Aria, is what it sounds like. Um, well, I I hope that everyone listening, you know, this is super empowering, I think, for women especially, but for humans, you know, in general, which sex is not talked about enough. And I just find it so crazy because I'm like, it's literally how we all got here. Why is it so fucking weird? Why are we so weird about things? It's so weird. Like it's it's the most natural thing ever. And so taking the taboo away is I'm here for it. And I think that people can take a lot away from this episode. Go try it today. You know, we were joking saying, let's fuck tonight, but go go be intimate. Even you know, if you even if you don't want to have sex, I think that they're gonna be able to spice things up. So yeah, we are gonna wrap it up, but I'm curious where they can find you. I know they're gonna be curious. I'll drop it in the show notes, but where can we find aria? I know you're on Instagram, but you have a website as well, right? Yes.

SPEAKER_00: 50:32

Uh so Instagram, obviously. Um, but aria.fyi. A-R-Y-A dot f yi. That is our website. Um, and so basically if you like go to Google and just write Aria FYI, you like you'll find it. Um every day, I think our goal is to beat out aria stark stark. If you just fucking immediately what I thought if you just Google Aria, I think Aria, I know I never got into Game of Thrones, but Aria Stark is like the number one, and we're like, we gotta beat Aria Stark. Um, and so aria.fyi. Um we have an amazing Instagram. We have a Facebook group, actually. Like, so if you get onto our Instagram, you can find like our private Facebook group where other couples, not just aria couples, but like all sorts of couples, get to like talk openly um and hear from experts a little bit more. Like I get on there and some of our other experts get on there and we'll do like chats and we'll do Q ⁇ A's and um just to kind of just bring it. And then we have like a TikTok, all aria.fyi. So if you go there, um that is how how you find it.

SPEAKER_01: 51:48

Well, hell yeah. Go look them up. Let's beat Aria Starkout with the SEO and Google rankings. Yes. And I can't I seriously can't thank you enough. Your hair is beautiful, by the way. I know we said something about I said something about Disney earlier, but you're bringing out my love for um Little Mermaid.

SPEAKER_00: 52:10

My my coffee mug this morning was my little mermaid mug, and then I went to my professional like Pisces mug.

SPEAKER_01: 52:16

Oh my god. Professional Pisces. I love it. Well, oh my god, thank you so much. You're incredible. I can't wait to dive more into Aria as a company. I know that everybody's gonna love um all this information, and I strongly encourage everybody go check it out.

SPEAKER_00: 52:33

I'll be so happy to help you.

SPEAKER_01: 52:36

Thank you again for being on just women talking shit, and I'll catch y'all later. Thank you.