DIY Mom Secrets: Rebekah Higgs’ Creative Journey

Ever wonder how to pivot careers, tackle home DIY, and thrive as a single mom? Rebekah Higgs shares her journey from indie musician to Halifax’s iconic DIY Mom. Discover how she transformed her life, renovated her pink house on a budget, and built a brand that inspires creative women everywhere.

In this episode:

• Career reinvention and creative pivots
• DIY home renovation tips on a budget
• Balancing single motherhood with entrepreneurship
• Embracing creativity, ADHD, and imperfection
• How to take bold risks and grow an audience

Follow Rebekah:

• Website: diymom.ca
• Instagram: @diymom
• YouTube: @diymom

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Chapters

• 0:44 PD Day And Parenting Catch-Up
• 2:32 Tweens, Growth Spurts, And Boundaries
• 5:37 Teaching Why: Neurodivergent Learning
• 7:15 ADHD, Diagnosis, And Invention
• 9:04 Trauma, Risk, And Entrepreneur Mindset
• 12:30 Origin Story Of DIY Mom
• 16:32 Rejection, Grit, And Funding The Dream
• 20:02 Advice For Single Moms: Make It Happen
• 23:27 Time, Tradeoffs, And Creative Energy
• 26:42 Rest, Meditation, And Big Ideas
• 29:47 Inner Work, Healing, And Communication
• 33:22 Authenticity, Imperfection, And On-Camera Truth
• 36:42 Confidence Without Ego And Choosing Partners
• 39:52 Where To Find Rebecca And What’s Next
• 42:07 Closing Reflections And Sign-Off

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:22

Rub Rebecca. I'm so excited. How are you doing today? Well, I didn't know it was gonna be a PD day. So there's no school today. I don't know. What do you guys call them in the States when there's this school thing? What does PD stand for? Personal development day for the teachers.

SPEAKER_01: 0:41

So I think they call them staff development here. I like personal development though.

SPEAKER_00: 0:46

Well, we are just always calling them PD days. So I don't know if it's did you guys call them SD days when they don't have school? I think they just say we're out of school.

SPEAKER_01: 0:55

On the official, it says on the calendars, it'll if you look, it says staff development. But I've never thought to just be like, hey, it's an SD day. Must be a Canadian thing then. It could be. Nothing wrong with that. But so the kids are home then?

SPEAKER_00: 1:13

I just have the one Andy's home. How old are you? And she wants me to take her to the mall. And so I said, after I do the interview, I can take you to the mall.

SPEAKER_01: 1:23

Oh my gosh. I'm just happy to hear that kids are wanting to go to the mall. And it could be a thing here. I don't know. But nobody wants to go to the mall anymore. I remember in my day, I was like, go to the mall, go to the food court, hang out for a few hours.

SPEAKER_00: 1:40

It was so fun. I think it's just exciting for her now because she's 11, almost 12, and it's sort of what the teenagers do. But maybe is it uh the kids are just ordering stuff online, or is that why they're not going to the mall?

SPEAKER_01: 1:53

Or there's that, and I feel like kids are just so stuck in their phones for the most part that I don't know, it's gotta be a a thing here in the States.

SPEAKER_00: 2:06

Definitely been on the phone a lot today because of not being in school. I can hear her tramp trampling upstairs, walking very heavy on the phone with my mom talking about her birthday. She wants to get some things for her birthday, so uh but she's grown so much that nothing fits her, and so she really does need new clothes. And uh anyway, but between uh basketball and a couple other activities that she's in, I I do try to limit this the screen time and set the I have a lot of parental settings on her phone so she can only go on certain things for an hour a day.

SPEAKER_01: 2:41

I was gonna same. I have a 12-year-old girl also, and so I I relate to a lot of and the growth spurts, she's taller and bigger than she's bigger than me, curvier than me, all the things. I'm just like, what in the world? You were like this big not too long ago, and now you're talking to me about bras and panties, and I'm just like, I wasn't ready for it.

SPEAKER_00: 3:04

She came down this morning and was like, Mom, I think I'm getting hips. She was so excited because she's just a little string bean. She's been such a bean pole her whole life, just tall and skinny and no hips. And one time she came down and said, Mom, when am I gonna get hips like you?

SPEAKER_01: 3:20

How swingy. Her mom has. It's so sweet that she looks at you like that because there's this period of time where they look at us like we are just it. We're like goddesses, and maybe you haven't gotten to that stage yet to where I don't know, my daughter is challenging everything I say. And so I'm just like, I wasn't ready for that either.

SPEAKER_00: 3:44

It is, it is hard. I heard that a great way to get your kids to talk was either just repeat them, mirror them if they tell you something happened and you just say, Oh, that girl was mean to you. Oh, so-and-so was mean to me today. She was mean to you today, and you just say exactly what they say, and then they keep feeling like then they'll keep going. The other thing was when you have a challenging child or a child that challenges the status quo and is maybe not as um compliant as the school system would like them to be. That if you tell a story about when you did something bad when you were young, it can also help them to open up about maybe some of the bad things that they're doing. I was always in trouble at that age. So I didn't stick that one in the vault.

SPEAKER_01: 4:30

Do you only have the one? Ah, no. Nope. My reaction was probably it didn't come off that good. We have five total. Oh, wow. My husband was married before me. I was in a relationship before him. I had a little girl, which is the one we're talking about. She's not little anymore, but she's 12, and then he brought three beautiful boys into the relationship, and they range from the small, the youngest is seven, then one that's about to turn 12. So he and she clash a lot because they're at that same age. And then the oldest is 16. And then we have a little boy which completes the five, and he is four. So four is a fun age. He's so much fun right now. Oh my gosh. But the compliant thing for both of my kids popped up in my mind. I was like, oh, that's why I'm sticking that in the file cabinet because they're both so outspoken and so they question everything, which is not a bad thing when you put that into an adult.

SPEAKER_00: 5:34

The other thing I'm realizing with my status-challenging child is that she needs to understand the why behind why she needs to do something. So, for instance, if it's a math problem at school that I'm trying to help her with and I'm showing her how the teacher wants her to do the long division and why the teacher wants her to explain her thinking in her breaking down, she'll say, Well, she has her own little process of doing it because she's a bit neurodivergent. She's got a little bit of dyslexia, so she likes to do things slightly differently, which is perfectly fine. But I will have to break it down and show her the why behind you, why you have to show the steps and so that your teacher can understand how your brain is working. You can do long division in many different ways, but the teacher still needs to understand your process. And the other thing that I have been doing with her is because she's got such a uh commander frequency, I like to call it. She likes to be the boss. I constantly tell her, well, one day you might be a CEO and you're gonna be the boss of a big company and you're gonna have to, or your own boss, and you're gonna have to tell everybody else how to do things. So you don't need to know how to do everything, but you need to know how to do everything just a little bit so you can tell people what to do. That seems to help.

SPEAKER_01: 6:50

I love that so much. One, are you neurodivergent by chance?

SPEAKER_00: 6:53

Yeah, I well, I got an ADHD diagnosis later in life. So definitely had a lot of inner saboteurs that I dealt with in my earlier years and just constantly that frontal cortex wanting to be sparked by drama and excitement in my life. I certainly threw myself more curve balls than necessary. And so I didn't actually get diagnosed until I was 32 or something like that. My daughter was a year and a half or two years old. And I did go on medication for five years for ADHD, and it really changed the trajectory of my life because all of a sudden I wasn't doing those little things just to undermine myself and make life more difficult. And it did really greatly help me, which is nice. And her dad would probably self-diagnose as a bit on the spectrum in terms of Asbergery or artistic and his artistic abilities and his music abilities. And so she comes by honestly, she gets it from both sides.

SPEAKER_01: 7:52

I asked because of the way you delivered your response talking about her being neurodivergent. It was just so as if you understood it already.

SPEAKER_00: 7:59

And so Well, it's a nice way to sit call it because there's so many, there's even the spectrum. There's such a variety of neurodivergences out there. And it's also great that we can acknowledge as a society that some of different the different way of thinking and the different way that the brain processes things uh can be a wonderful thing. It means that there's more inventors out there, more people solving solutions, more people seeing problems that maybe we haven't seen before. And folks with ADHD, like that is you are great for being an inventor. You're great to be an entrepreneur, you're a high risk taker. All those things can really serve you later in life if you know how to harness the energy of it all in a positive way.

SPEAKER_01: 8:39

That was going to be my segue into what you've built. I was like, I don't want to label. And I'm not saying that every entrepreneur and every CEO or movement leader is neurodivergent, but I'm noticing that a lot of us are neurodivergent. And when we were younger, we were like, it's all over the place. You said self-sabotaging and whatnot, but when you learn to work with it, you build something beautiful. And so you being an inventor is obviously how DIY mom was born. And so I think it's a really cool segue to I want to hear all about your company now.

SPEAKER_00: 9:20

Oh, thank you. I heard an entrepreneur describe what it takes to be an entrepreneur as a mixture of childhood trauma and adult ADHD, and that two come together and you make a great entrepreneur. And so I think that there is a sort of ability to engage in high risk, that I was built for that style of life in a way, and just taking big chances, taking chances on myself and just also having parents that really encouraged me to believe in myself and to build my talent and abilities and to follow those talents and abilities. I think that's kind of what led me to DIY mom. And as I even go out and do things in my philanthropy work, like working with Hope of Africa and teaching kids in third world countries how to be entrepreneurs, I see how everything that I've struggled with up to this point, all the things that I've done in my life, all the little abilities that I've developed just through the course of living and school of life, have come to perfectly bring me to this place in my life that I'm at now. So I can be look back and be grateful for the trauma, be grateful for the difficulties that I've faced and the challenges, even those things that I wish I could go back and change or fix or do better. I see how it has shaped me into the person I am now. And it has allowed me to encourage and help people and relate to people and relate to these kids that have gone through so much because I've had a little taste of all those types of things that they've gone through. And so I'm really coming to terms with all those things, but also seeing the beauty and how you just look back and see the hand of the creator just making these things happen for you, opening doors and just walking through them as they came.

SPEAKER_01: 11:05

I love that so much. I I've never heard that that blend of childhood trauma and ADHD. It makes a good entrepreneur, but I've got both. So they say about things, it must be true to some extent. And so that was kind of liberating for you to say that because I never thought about myself that way. And the the very things, like the being neurodivergent and the childhood trauma, and I guess just having said the school of life, rough uh experiences, you don't stop and really think all in the grand scheme of things, how those work in your favor. And the moment it's oh, this shit sucks. This is really hard. People don't understand me. I don't fit in. But you've turned something that I would say some people aren't aware that they can transmute or transform into something great. And I know I keep mentioning DIY mom, but I can't help but want to hear how did this get started? Was it just an idea? Or did you start in your closet? There's always some really great story.

SPEAKER_00: 12:11

And I know that you were a single mom while you built this. So, what happened was I was a musician in my 20s. I was touring in rock bands and I moved away from home. So I'm from the east coast of Canada. I moved to Toronto to be more central. And my band had traveled across Canada nine times. So it's a big country. It's like traveling across the entire going from New York to LA here by vehicle. And so um being in the middle of the country just seemed to make more sense, and there's a lot more management agents, other bands, and stuff. So I moved to a big city, but I really got caught in just the day-to-day trying to make enough money to survive in a more expensive city. So I was waitressing, I got pregnant, I had my daughter, and by the grace of God and circumstances that were um difficult at the time, um was able to move back to Nova Scotia with my daughter and start over again in the area that I grew up in. So I moved back to Nova Scotia and I got a job in the film and television industry here. I start working in commercials and I became an associate producer, and then I was also doing things like hair, makeup, wardrobe, uh, art department set decorating on commercials and films, um, my creative ring wings that way. And in my conversations with clients and agents on the sets of these bigger budget commercials, I just got to talking like the next big trend in marketing. I think from my music career and being an artist, um, it's always something that I was naturally interested in. And um said branded content would be the next wave of marketing, which is what we know now as influencer marketing. But that just got me thinking about okay, would my brand be if I was gonna do something? And I grew up with parents that flipped houses before flipping was a thing. I've always been very handy, like creative and artistic, and doing the set decorating, even as a teenager. I was like the trailer park Martha Stewart. I would throw parties and turn sheets into curtains, and I would decorate for everything and always made my spaces beautiful. And so that attitude of like, I am doing it myself, I'm a single mom. And then also having that creative hand and liking to do small home renovations and um projects, I came up with this concept of doing home renovations on a single mom budget, um, DIY projects while your baby's napping or asleep. And I started to film and edit and share those on YouTube and started a social media channel. And within six months of me just sharing my own DIY projects, I got um was reached out to by a um TV channel called Bell, it's Bell5 TV One, but it's basically like you remember Home Improvement, the TV show, how Tim the Toolman Taylor had his access TV show? Yes. How can I forget? Yeah. So this was uh TV, so it's meant to develop talent in Canada. There's this Canadian content standards that every big network has to put certain money back into developing talent locally. So I was the benefit factor of that, and I got a little budget to make a TV show called DIY Mom, and I ended up doing five seasons of DIY Mom for Bell Fibe TV and really building my brand, my social media, and all of the partnerships and collaborations that I've done over the years by leveraging the TV show, my marketing uh social media, and doing these projects. And during those five seasons, I um my personal homes, I sold those homes, I built my own personal equity and I built myself up to being able to live in an amazing neighborhood, downtown Halifax, where I grew up, where I never thought I would ever be able to afford a house in this neighborhood with the best school, Halifax, the best public school in Halifax in our backyard and um wonderful neighborhood. I'm surrounded by doctors and lawyers. I'm like the only single mom that's uh um this entertainment, social media world. And yeah, I am living in my pink house in our Barbie dream house uh through this little brand idea that I came up with one day when I was working in an office. And I drew the logo and I made a website and I just started walking through doors that were opening for me.

SPEAKER_01: 16:43

Oh, I've got chills. You're the first person that I've taken notes. I'm taking this a little bit more seriously here lately, and I've got also ADHD and learning how to keep up with my thoughts. It's nice. Yeah, I'd have a pen and paper there so you can have them in every corner of the house, next to the toilet, all the things. Your story is inspiring. One, your single mom motherhood is hard. I remember a little too well, and it's a get choked up thinking about it. It was in between homes. So technically that's homeless. Like I didn't have my own home whenever I left my daughter's dad. And I remember being a felt like rock bottom. Like I knew the only way it was up, right? But I just remember feeling like, when am I gonna get this figured out? Like, I want so much more for myself. So some things that I wrote down whenever you were speaking was first off, we have music in common. I'm a musician. Awesome. I went to film school for a little bit. Nice. Um, what I wrote down was that you are like back of all trades. You do a little bit of everything, it sounds like. And and how you were talking to your daughter about that, what did you say, commander frequency or commander energy? I love that so much because I say all the time, especially when I'm getting frustrated with our littles, I'll look at my husband and I'm just like, I know this is annoying as shit. But if we put this quality in a grown man, put this quality in a grown woman, would we respect them? And I would respect the crap out of the strong will, the the questioning everything, the thinking for themselves, right? But I remember growing up, and I remember even within the past few years being in that space where it's like I'm good at a lot of stuff, but like making off. I remember feeling this question of like, do I want to be when I grow up? I remember feeling lost and confused, like good at so many things, but like what do I even want to be when I grow up? And the story you just told me as to how DIY mom was born, you know, was just this idea that came to you. And I'm a true believer that you have an idea. There, if you have an idea, other people probably have that idea too, and it's just like what you do with it from there, and you did something with it. And now look, dream Barbie house? What?

SPEAKER_00: 19:07

Well, the interesting thing about it too is when I first came up with the idea and I made the logo and I pit I ended up going to a women in film and television conference and pitching the concept of this sort of YouTube meets HGTV TV show where you would get the education factor where I would tell you how to do something, but you would also see these beautiful before and afters. Um, I took my little baby on my hip, went to the pitch festival, pitched the the pitched to this audience of women, um, didn't end up winning the pitch, but even 10 years later, one of the women that organizes pitches all over the world and she trains people how to pitch for film, film and television, said that she remembers my pitch. Of all the pitches she has seen, she remembers my pitch. And so that in itself is a compliment that I can carry with me. But I took the idea of DIY mom to production houses that worked with HGTV and did TV shows, and they just said, you know, not high stakes enough, it's not unique enough, like plenty of DIY moms out there. What makes you more unique? And to me, I thought, well, the fact that there's lots of DIY moms out there doesn't, to me, that feels like, well, then I would have this built-in audience of people that are already interested in it. Why would that a bad thing? And so even just having that little access TV platform that sure, maybe there's not a ton of eyes on it, or I'm not gonna become like a huge famous star, but it was just enough for me to invest back into DIY Mom, the brand, and to put the equity back into my homes. And a lot of times I didn't see the return or I didn't pay myself until the house sold or I flipped the house. So I was willing to kind of this uncertainty of income and I was leveraging my other time on set where I would go and do a day here and there of hair and makeup and wardrobe and set direct decking. And then I also, when I was in my 20s, I put$5,000 down on a multi-unit building in the north end of Halifax with my pizza girl money because I was delivering pizzas when I wasn't on the road with the band. Um, so I had a little bit of a rental income. And then when Airbnb became a thing, I turned one of those uh units in the apartment building into an Airbnb. So that gave me even more passive income. And then the ability to kind of on building a dream, building a career, building a brand, building something that I didn't necessarily need to rely on having a steady stream of income right away. Um, I do think that that kind of lifestyle is not for everybody. You have to have a uh like a high um for risk. And there's a lot of people that either A weren't raised to think that way. Luckily, I had entrepreneur parents that believe that you can build your own equity and you can rely on yourself, that that's a great option for us. Um other people you know might feel like I really need that bi-weekly check. I need to get out and work for somebody else and know that I have a little check coming in. So um I've always been a hustler. Even when I was a musician and I had no money for dental work, I would trade paintings for dental work. You know, painted a bunch of paintings for a dental office and they gave me some teeth work, you know. So yeah, I just live it on the barter system.

SPEAKER_01: 22:23

Something about you so much because I identify with the hustler thing too. You have to, especially as a single mom and as a musician. Like, I think if you are a natural-born musician, then you are naturally a hustler and you just know that the work you do might not pay off. Um, you said something though, and I want to bring it back to like being the jack of all trades and your life experience, how it's added up. A lot of us tend to, and I know a lot of my listeners get this is just human, this is being human. But then you add um neurodivergent aspects to it, and we think so much, like oh too much to where we get stuck, right? And you said a couple things about the one word that pops up is uncertainty. That uncertainty of income, that uncertainty of when this is gonna take off. And I just can't help but revisit the fact that you have multiple talents. And if we were to take a step back and think about, you know, when you were in the thick of it, or for my listeners, when you're in the thick of it and you're like, you've got all these things that you're trying to work on, hoping something will take off. What do I want to be when I grow up? All the uncertainty. Um can feel like you're just stuck. But then we again take another step back and look at like your directory, like your directory of your career. And I bet when you were a musician, you never thought, oh man, I'm gonna be like the founder of this successful brand, DIY Mom. I bet you never thought, like, or maybe you did, but I wouldn't have, as myself, as a musician, probably thought, 15 years from now, I'll be on HGTV or featured on this. And so, but you mentioned something about it coming full circle. And this seems to be a really common theme lately in my life and in other people's lives, that just because like one skill set doesn't work out or it doesn't take you to that level of fame or income doesn't mean it's not gonna be a useful skill later on. So, like your music, your film, your um writing, all those things wound up coming full circle and being a great catalyst for your brand. But it could seem like if we were to look back, like this is skill four. So I would love to hear your thought process on that because we tend to get so caught up in life. And what I would say is the end result of the work, like you have this vision, but you're not really enjoying the ride and all the skill sets and all the hurdles that you're gonna learn from to get to that end result. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 25:03

I think you can learn so much from your failures and your struggles along the way that it's all part of your education. And so when I even think about uh decisions I made in my 20s or uh the fact that I was in a music career, like I learned so much about reaching out, doing cold calls during my music career. You know, I sent so many emails to uh to be like, can we play? And I booked my own tours and then I was writing grants in my music career to get money for us to be on the road. And so all these things, you know, working out because I could then write grants for film or for television or, you know, build a budget, I could use an Excel spreadsheet. And then when it came to writing emails, reaching out to brands to see if they would sponsor me, sponsor the TV show, you know, had a little bit of experience in all of those things. So and I think that I was also okay with no's. Like I wasn't embarrassed by anything. Like I wasn't embarrassed to reach out and get a no. And I think some people, when they do reach out for something and they do that door does close on them or they say no, thank you, they can take it really personally and it can be really discouraging for them. So I just tried not to take any of that stuff personally. I always thought maybe there's somebody else. So if I would send out emails trying to get a sponsor for lights, and one sponsor got back to me and said yes, that was a win. You know, I didn't think about the 19 that said no, thank you. I just thought about the one that said yes. And then how can I deliver for that one product so good that all of those other people that said no are gonna be jealous that they weren't the ones that did it? You know, so that and then the other thing is about like it can hold us back so much. I like to say that perfection is the low-hanging fruit. When you want an excuse to why you can't do something or why you're not gonna put something out in the world or you're not gonna share it on your social media because it's not perfect, that is the easiest way to give yourself an excuse or an out to not do the thing. And so I just constantly say it's good enough to you know, and obviously I'm gonna get better as I go. Um, edits are gonna get better, my presentation, the way I share my story, the way I share product. It gets better every time. And so don't expect that you're gonna be perfect the first time you do it, but you just gotta do it and start and get the wheels in motion and get the ball rolling, and then you'll have more opportunities to improve and learn. So, like this is really my education. Like, I've given myself this amazing education over the last 20 years of being an artist and being out there on my own. Um, yeah, none of it feels like it was a waste. I love that so much.

SPEAKER_01: 27:32

And sometimes it just takes years and years of reflection to realize. So for the single mom, because we've both been single moms. Um married now. So I feel like I'm disowning the single mom thing. But I was a single mom for a while, and I just remember, especially like that entrepreneurial spirit. I'm definitely I don't make a good employee for sure. So it was always like I just remember being in the thick of it and feeling like more for me, like meant for more. But when you are like in trenches, you feel like how is my ever going to make it? So I'm curious what you have to say, any bits of advice or just hope for the single mom who feels like she has hit rock bottom, who is working towards that dream Barbie house, who is just right now feeling stuck.

SPEAKER_00: 28:27

Yeah, a couple things. One of my mantras has always been make it happen. That was a mantra that my dad raised us with. He used to drop us off at school in the morning and say, make it happen. And so that was kind of family mantra. And I realized pretty early in my music career that nobody else cared about my success or my art or making me a star as much as I did. And that if I really wanted to have my art out in the world, I have to make it happen. And I think that every mom and every woman out there trying to make their dreams happen can um use this mantra to help leverage them or push them forward because so many times we think, oh, somebody's gonna come along and make me a star or give me the dream job that I want or prop me up on a pedestal. But the reality is that it's so unlikely that if you're waiting for somebody to come and do that for you, it's probably not gonna happen. So you have to make it happen for yourself. So that's the first thing that I would say. The second thing is that I started to delegate as soon as I could things around the house or chores or stuff that other people could do just as well as me. So I could free up my time to do the things that only I could do. So one day I came home and there was a 15-year-old babysitter with folding laundry and watching YouTube tutorials on how to organize a home. And I said, Melissa, do you like organizing how like is something fun for you? And she was like, Yes, I love it. And I said, Well, why don't you start coming over when Lennon's not here when she's at daycare and help me get on top of my house? You know, we can often uh if we have ADHD, having a messy house can be such a distraction to getting things done. So the 15 year old that I was paying$10 an hour, that was 10 years ago now, uh, to take care of things around my house. And then I found out she had all these other abilities. She could do my taxes, like she could do, like keep track of my receipts. And then got her driver's license right away, and she could pick up linen from Disney. Care and drop her off, and just sort of those little tasks that people can do. And maybe it does seem like a huge expense at the time, but honestly, I ended up making money so much faster and accelerating my career by offloading those things. Um, joke about it now, like that I hired a wife, basically, like a single mom. I and not to put down stay-at-home moms. I mean, I I'm sure I would have been an amazing stay-at-home mom if I had given been given the opportunity. Um, but because I was wasn't married and and had to rely on my skills to get us ahead, um, did feel like you know, prep, laundry, cleaning the house, things like that, I could offload to somebody else and free up my time to design my logos, build my websites, do cold calls, reach out to brands and all those other things. So I think delegating is just a really great thing to do. And then also now with the way that AI is developing so quickly, we can really access those things and use them to our advantage to free up our time. Um, I love to use AI as a sounding board for my ideas um to prompt me for questions so I can think deeper about my personal like proposition. What is the thing that I am specifically really good at that nobody else can do? And so, how can I leverage that to um the amount of money that I'm making for my services, um, make myself more desirable. And so I also now work for clients, I do client work, I do designs for other people too. And so um business has expanded over the years and I found more ways of of making money, but um like one step at a time, one door at a time. And every time you do it, it gets a little easier. So if you're a single mom out there and you're struggling, just even make the simplest little first step. Maybe that first step is just a phone call or an email, um, a project that you want to do when your child's asleep at night. You have a creative flair and you're good at painting or sewing, or if it's something that you want to make and sell, there's so many ways that um you just need to make time to do those things that only you can do to get yourself to start moving in the right direction. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 32:42

Because I know that the we probably got some eye rolls with the make time thing. I just want to remind everybody, like you all only have 24 hours in the day. Sometimes we have to give some stuff up, like we'll making time. I get I know people are just like, I don't have enough time. We all have the same amount of time in the day according to the 24-hour period, right? But it's sometimes given things up. So, like for me, it was a while where I was like, I was watching a lot of Netflix, but I want to start a podcast. Gotta give that up. You can't watch Netflix as much. That's eating into my podcast time, right? So I just for my listeners, don't get mad at us, but you can make the time. It just means you might have to give some stuff up.

SPEAKER_00: 33:28

I think if it's something that you love and are really passionate about, it's kind of easier to give up the things like Netflix or I agree. You know, um, and also if you block out your time in the day in your calendar and you specifically mark that this is the time for this thing, I'm gonna do this now. Um, and you have it in your calendar, then maybe that's a good way to get it done. The other thing is that doing difficult stuff first thing in the day is always the best time to do it. And the afternoon is better for creativity and dreaming and scheming and thinking outside the box. So do the things that require cognitive load and ability in the morning, like your budgeting, your receipts, your emails, et cetera, et cetera. Use the afternoons for creative things. Um, like the other thing I used to do when my daughter was little is so I was working like we'd have to be at work around 9:15, 9:30. So I'd get her to daycare. I would work until about six o'clock at night. I would go pick her up from daycare. I would, uh when I was working in film and television, um, would feed her dinner, bath her, put her to bed, and then I would work again for another two hours. I'd make my little video at night. So um are gonna have to work a lot. And if you maybe you just have to give up one addiction for a different addiction. So you know it's pot smoking, give it up for work have work addiction, or if it's Netflix TV at night, like I think like the only time I really have time to watch TV is on a rainy Sunday afternoon when I think, okay, I really need to just lay down for four hours and do nothing. Um, if you want to be an entrepreneur and have a creative job and work for yourself, yeah, you have to work a lot.

SPEAKER_01: 35:14

You do. I funny because well, there but I think it goes back to those kind of people too. Like the people who can they're built for the bi-weekly checks and the predictability, and then there are people who are the opposite. I'm definitely one of the opposites. Um, what I took from everything you said was nobody's coming to save you. Choose your hard. Like one.

SPEAKER_00: 35:35

And do you know how like some types of work you feel really depleted and like, but other stuff you kind of energize and it gives you more energy to do it? And so I think when you're doing something creative that's like what you want to be doing, that can energize you. And then all of a sudden you you have this energy that you never knew you did, versus like, oh, when I go to the office, I feel so drained and I hate the fluorescent lights and I hate the cubicle that I'm in. So when I get home at night, I have zero energy to do like beyond, right? So I think because I was working in a creative field and I was working for myself, I was excited to get it done. Like I wanted that website to be built. I wanted people to see my content. So yeah, I guess I had more energy when it had to do with something that I was excited about.

SPEAKER_01: 36:20

That you flavor of love, you probably do it anyway, which I heard in a recent podcast episode, it was Mel Robbins. I can't remember the exact episode, but they called it magnetic desire. And I was just like, oh man. And the way they explained it was when you feel so drawn to something, and entrepreneurs and creators know better than anybody. You just feel drawn to something. And it's like, even if it's hard, even if you have to put in 80 hours a week, like I love the idea, and this probably sounds crazy to some people who are a different personality type, but like the thought of spending 40 hours a week somewhere I call it like in prison, I want to just uh can't just know, but I will put in 80 hours easy between my podcast, coaching, content creation, you know, something that I'm really passionate about. So I totally agree.

SPEAKER_00: 37:16

It's not like when I take an hour in the afternoon to walk my dog in the sunshine, I'm still using that time effectively. Like I'm either listening to a podcast that's gonna help me, or I'm just um you know, also working things out in my head, problem solving my head, thinking about the next steps or thinking about what I can do or the piece of content or coming up with ideas. Like as an artist, you also need to have space where you're doing like actively nothing, so that you can um up with those big ideas that are really gonna take you to the next level.

SPEAKER_01: 37:52

Yeah. Terminology for this, and I can't remember what it is, but it's along the lines of like doing nothing, so that you're like basically feeding your brain, like when the personal development comes in, or like maybe laying in a hammock, but you've got like silly therapeutic binarial beats or something like that.

SPEAKER_00: 38:12

So try to meditate for five, 10 minutes a day, and you're just trying to not think, um, let all the ideas that come into your head kind of out. It's always like at the end of a session like that, they have some kind of really big great idea that's gonna like get to work on as soon as they finish. And so it's important as a creative to give your brain that space to expand. And you can't do that when you're constantly crushing details and you know, on all this emotional load and stressed out about you know today. Yeah. You really need to give yourself that 10 minutes of meditation or that walk, the walk with the dog, or you know, in the sauna for 15 minutes, those types of spaces where you're just focusing on breathing. Um, always find like by unloading the most important information for the next like my journey.

SPEAKER_01: 39:04

Yes. And that's what I call them too is downloads because it feels like it just comes out of nowhere and boop, a little download. I love it so much. So from what you just said, it feels like that intentional time to rest, to nourish, to really just be alone with your own thoughts is not necessarily a luxury, but in this line of work, in these high-level risks situations, it's a necessity. Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_00: 39:32

Yeah. You have to do the inner work as well to realize where your struggles are and your pain points. Um like I'd do so much work in the last 20 years psychologically to just make myself a healthier version of myself. Um, so don't discount the fact that that work that you're doing, whether it's um being a therapist or listening to some self-help podcast or reading a book about um you know saboteurs or the tools that you need, like is such crucial work to get you over the hump or like to figure out the things that have been holding you back. I know so many amazing artists, comedians, writers that um have such a hard time putting their art out into the world because they have all these things that they haven't dealt with or over the years and that and really holding them back. So the work that you do to heal yourself, fix yourself, acknowledge the situations that you've been through in your life that are difficult are gonna come back as um helping you to be a better entrepreneur, to be a better business person as well.

SPEAKER_01: 40:48

I was going to ask you like what your definition of inner work is.

SPEAKER_00: 40:52

Well, I've done all kinds of different things. I did internal family systems, which was um helped me to have inner authority and to trust my gut. Um, read the book The Tools, which is a Phil Stutz book. It's actually they also made a documentary on Netflix about it, but the book is really fantastic. And I did uh the shadow work, just accepting all the things about myself that I didn't like, that I tried to hide from people that I was just shamed of. Um that inner acceptance of the things in myself that I might be ashamed of or or not so proud of actually helped me me to become a more authentic version of myself. And when you present yourself to the world as authentic and wholehearted, people relate to you so much more. They have compassion for you and they can you walk into a room to present something or pitch something, and you come in as a whole person, they say, Well, this is somebody that I can really relate to. This is somebody that I could work with. Um, being a very determined, goal-driven person, I've had to develop my empathy and my compassion and my abilities to work with other people to instruct the trades that work on my construction sites, to encourage my team that comes and helps me on a regular basis so that they don't get discouraged, so that they want to keep working for me. Um, understanding, like I mentioned frequency command, the Mander frequency. I've just been doing some research about the seven frequencies. And so there's like the motivator, the challenger, the commander, the um the healer, the professor, the maven. I think that's seven. And so if we learn how to access all these different frequencies, and the way that he describes frequencies, this is Irwin McManus in his book, is that it's like when you talk to your dog, they don't necessarily know what you're saying, but they know that the tone of your voice means they're either in trouble or they're they're loved. And so um, all these frequencies can make you a really great communicator. And if you can be a really great communicator, then you can run a team, you can encourage people, you can communicate your story in an effective way. And so it's not just for public speakers, it's really beneficial for everybody. And so one of the interesting things is like you can't speak commander to commander. So when my daughter gets like then you're just like this, right? But you have to speak healer to commander. So when she comes at me with her commander frequency, and I come at her with like a, oh, that must be really hard for you, it just melts the commander frequency. So understanding people, and like back in university, I have an arts degree and I loved abnormal psychology. So I think I've always loved the brain and understanding psychology, and I think that's why I understood like I was neurodivident and that I had some ADHD and I needed to develop my frontal cortex in other ways. Um, yeah, always loved psychology. I found that very fascinating, and I was always very curious individual, and so um kind of learning as I love to keep learning. And so all those books that I read, um because it is food for my brain.

SPEAKER_01: 44:05

Yeah. Evolution is what came through for me. That's the inner work. I don't know if you agree with that. Yeah. Because now I coach people through personally evolving in general, but I I asked that question because I'm always curious. Like, is inner work to you? Because inner work to you could be so different for somebody else. You know, just went to the person listening who is doing the inner work, but like, I don't know if you ever resonated with this or had this thought, and especially meditating. I just remember starting out and I was just like, Am I doing this right? Is this what it's supposed to feel like? And I felt like I was doing it wrong. And so, regardless of the modality, I think it takes like a level of genuine curiosity, like, am I the way I am? How do I get to where I want to be? And then just kind of like you like you've got your books, you've got your podcasts um ceremonies where you can take your pillow and do some shadow work and like the crap out of your bed. And so for the person listening, it it's all up to you. That's what's so beautiful about the inner work is doing it internally and not needing that outside validation, figuring out do I like to read books, do I like to listen to books, do I like podcasts, do I like in-person healing groups, something like that? It's so different for everybody. So thank you for sharing that because it's a super personal thing to talk about.

SPEAKER_00: 45:25

And the other thing um really has helped me was taking care of my body because I was starting to I have had joint instability and pain and arthritis and herniated discs in my neck and shoulder injuries, hip injuries, just you name it, and like I've been full of pain. And so when I started a Pilates practice 10 years ago, it really helped me to strengthen my core, which strengthens my back, which strengthened my neck, which helped me to deal with pain, and just actually prioritizing physical exercise every day helps me so much in every other area of my life. Um, yeah, inner work can also mean that you're just taking care of your body, getting to the gym, figuring out like a yoga or Pilates practice or something that's gonna help you to do the things you wanted to do. I just didn't want my body to hold me back from doing anything that I wanted to do. And the reality was that it was just starting to fail me. So I needed to do something about it. And I wish I started that earlier.

SPEAKER_01: 46:28

I completely, when you say, especially that I wish I would have started earlier, which is a really hard habit to get out of saying, I wish I would have, because we're right on time, I think. But uh yeah, tear of your body. It may be for the person listening who's like, I'm in the mood to read a book. I'm not go for a walk, start there because I know that when I down for between 40 and 50 pounds, which is a huge accomplishment. It wasn't all just for the weight. I realized that there's only so much inner work you can do before you're like, I gotta literally get down to like the fibers of my being. And I too was in that um, I guess that group where I just felt like my body was failing me. And I remember not being able to run around like a shitty feeling to not be able to run after your two-year-old. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 47:19

You gotta be able to live things, you gotta be able to run if you need to run. And it's like the eating healthy, the taking care of your body, the getting out in the sunshine, um, having positive friendships, all those things are like your longevity and your ability to do things well. And so it is just as important as working hard. It's you have to set up yourself for success in terms of like, am I taking care of this thing that gets me around? Thing that makes it impossible for me to live.

SPEAKER_01: 47:50

Yeah, desol. Yeah. Tell me if you found this too, because I too have been obsessed with the brain. And so you learn when you feel like you're forever learning. But I realized that because I wasn't taking care of my body, that was actually the missing component for me. And then when I started taking care of my body, like stress started going down, everything started to kind of fall in, fall into place. And I I've again I'm gonna plug in a Mel Robbins podcast again, but there's this episode where she's talking with um, I want to say like a physiologist, and she was saying how the purpose of working out is to stress your body out so that you can deal with stressors. And I was just like, oh, that makes so much sense.

SPEAKER_00: 48:32

I've definitely become so much more calmer. I like to say I have like a low resting heartbeat now or like flat heart rate. Like just that's what I look for in a leader is somebody that is gonna have a low resting heart rate because when you hit this, when shit hits the fan and everybody's freaking out around you, you need to be that steady hand and the calm one in the storm that says, it's okay, we're gonna figure this out, we're gonna get out of here, right? And when I do have those moments where I'm so stressed, and then a neighbor comes up and like me about something, and I snap and I lose my temper, nothing feels worse than that. Like I hold on to that losing my temper for so long. Like I just can't get over it. It's just so brutal to be in that position. And so, yeah, I have to do things that uh uh teach you to deal better with stress so that you don't take out your rage on your loved ones or on people because um you're gonna lose so much like that support system. You're gonna lose the cheerleaders if you are constantly losing your temper and in a bad mood around people. So um it's a gift to yourself if you can take care of your health, sleep better, and just develop that ability to handle stress and daily challenges.

SPEAKER_01: 49:53

Yeah, I couldn't agree more. So maybe for the person listening, it's just just try to work out. I really do think that it is like a plug-in point for personal development. And then you've got your endorphins, you've got like the cascade of health benefits, uh but your confidence. Let's talk about confidence too. And when you're more confident, life just tends to go better in general.

SPEAKER_00: 50:16

True. And I think that people like it doesn't have to be confidence in a way that it's an ego, because that can be unattractive. But I think confidence in a way that seems very settled and like you know who you are. I think again, it's about that um authority, acceptance of yourself, and presenting yourself as a wholehearted person. So when you communicate with somebody in a confident way, um, they don't want to challenge it or they can really get behind it because yeah, you are the beacon in the storm. You are that person that they want to head to when times are tough because they know that you've got a level head on your shoulders. And so, yes, it can be confidence, but it doesn't have to be egotistical confidence.

SPEAKER_01: 51:00

Yeah. But for some people do think that confident comes off, it can't come off as cocky, being too confident, confident almost.

SPEAKER_00: 51:11

But I'm sure we've all experienced people that are very egotistical and their ego is hurt very quickly and fragile, and they're defensive, right? So if you say something about their ego, they lash out in a very defensive way. And so yes, but in all other aspects, you might think this is the most confident person in the world, like and do so much stuff. They're very skilled, like yet their ego is fragile. And so that to me is a very clear weakness. And I think when when it came to starting to date again and picking a partner, um, I really didn't want to end up with a man that had a fragile ego because I'm around on eggshells and it's just very uncomfortable. And so finding a man who is very confident in himself, but in a gentle way, and he's a proud feminist. And to me, that is so important to find a man that isn't ashamed or embarrassed to call themselves a feminist because it just means that they believe in equality and in your success as well. And so he's never been threatened by my independence, threatened by my ambition, threatened by my entrepreneurial abilities, like champions those things and he encourages me. And to me, that is like the ideal partner.

SPEAKER_01: 52:24

I love that so much for you. So freaking much. It has me questioning though, what is authentic to you? Like what we throw this word around a lot, but what does authenticity actually mean to you?

SPEAKER_00: 52:42

Um, I think it just means that you have done the inner, like you reflected on yourself. You understand your weaknesses, you understand your strengths, and you've come to terms with those things. And when you present yourself to the world, you come out as like not perfect, I'm not great at everything, but I do have some strengths and I do have some value here. And so when I talk to you, I'm not hiding or presenting myself in a way that feels phony and artificial because I'm not ashamed of myself, uh accepted myself. I've accepted my shadows of those things that I think are negative or bad about me. So nobody else can run on me saying, like, you're not lovable or you're not a good person, because I've already come to terms with the fact that I am lovable. I do love myself. And so to me, that is authenticity. So you come to terms and accept yourself for the good and the bad. And when you go out into the world, you present yourself in as a whole person, not like shallow. You're not putting on a front, you're not trying to attract people by only by bragging or saying all the things that you're good at. Like you come at things humbly and uh just a willingness to have your mind changed, a willingness to learn, uh curiosity about other people. You know, you're not curious about other people and you're so self-obsessed, like you can have zero connection with other humans. So I think that's what authenticity is. It's uh the ability to connect with other humans.

SPEAKER_01: 54:22

I love your definition of that. Because what's your definition? I'm curious now. Oh, are you curious? Well, oh so before I tell you my definition, what I got from that was like so do you remember the MySpace days?

SPEAKER_00: 54:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 54:37

There's what I call a MySpace angle, and we all took our pictures from this corner up top and just to show the good angles. And your definition tells me, or this is what I got from it, showing all angles, like the whole human, not just the well-lit angles and the good bits of it. And it just the self-acceptance, I think, is so important.

SPEAKER_00: 54:59

That was a huge process for me too, because when I when I filmed five seasons of DIY mom and I would edit myself, I saw all of the bad angles. Like likes to see a double double chin, you likes to see themselves lash out or or uh be immature. But I knew that that's the stuff that makes TV interesting. And if you present like the perfection all the time, um connect with that. It's unpenetrable. And so if I wanted to make a TV show that would uh uh people could relate to, I had to be willing to show the bad stuff as well. Um, and you know, even when they hear their own voice for this first time, they hate it. And so just that process of seeing myself on camera all the time, I had to become very compassionate for myself and just like okay with it. And it was a long process and it was a painful process, but I think it's helped me in other areas of my life as well, just for that having that self-acceptance.

SPEAKER_01: 56:05

How cool. I hadn't thought about that. But as a creator and someone who documents myself a lot, and this podcast, for instance, I do minimal editing. I'm not gonna do that. I don't want people to only see the good parts, like you're to hear when I fuck up and when I have my awkward moments, I'm just sitting here like I say what was because it is real, it is relatable. And I think that's why people like the show and my brand, because I'm gonna show all angles. But for is boring, it's so boring. And and are you a perfectionist or are you just appearing to be perfect? That's what I want to know. Yeah, nobody's perfect and nobody relates to that.

SPEAKER_00: 56:44

Those influencers that really uh perfection all the time. I just get so tired of it. I just it's boring.

SPEAKER_01: 56:51

You're right, it is boring. That the even saying that, I'm like fast, boring. Um it's kind of cool to think about how it makes sense why you are so comfortable in your own skin because you have like the music prepared you for that. You got a lot of feedback, not everybody's gonna like you. And then the the filming and all those things. I never stopped to think about that. And that's probably why I've become more comfortable with accepting myself, because like you have to sit there and watch yourself so much.

SPEAKER_00: 57:22

Like, I think that art is just something that elicits an emotional reaction from you. So whether or not you love or you hate my pink house, you had an emotion about it. So therefore, I'm an artist and I created something that people talk about, right? So not every not everybody has to love my pink house. Um to make good art, you don't necessarily want to make art that everybody's gonna love, right? Then it just becomes commercial, right? So it's a catalog, you're like a cat, it's a catalog model. Oh, everybody likes that picture, everybody likes that tank top versus high fashion or vogue.

SPEAKER_01: 57:57

That is such a cool way of looking at it. I'm gonna backtrack to my definition before I forget. Authenticity to me is who are you when no one's looking? Whenever I stop to think about that, kind of take back to like the brother days. I don't know if that show's still around, but I watched a tiny bit of it when I was younger. And it stuck in my mind when I started this personal development journey, when I started discovering neuroscience and neuroplasticity and all those things, I was just like, who am I when nobody's looking? And am I being her in front of people? And I fucking wasn't. I was not allowing people to see how weird I am, the sailor's mouth, the um all the weird bits about me. I was not allowing the world to see that. But it didn't like you were talking about the lashing out, like in the world see that either. And so um, me, it's are you when no one's looking? And what would you do with like would you be without consequence? You know, feeling like you've got to stay in some whatever the guidelines of being a human are, which if you figure it out, let me know. Because I this human thing is hard. Um and I also think about it from this perspective that if you do you car dance and car sing, and are you like your stuff over? Yeah, sing. I heard certainly sing in the car, that's for sure. But you're in your own world, right? And you're like, I'm in my safe zone. Nobody can you're in your own world. And then you pull up to a red light and you're like, no, that's not authentic. Like, so I think about that like a little authenticity test. Like, who am I when nobody's looking? Should I keep like I keep dancing? And I've started doing that for instance. Now it's like a challenge. I'll like look and I'll be like, What's up? You having a good day? Like, we got bumping. So that's what it means to me. Um, tell me where everybody can find you and like you got any projects going on? Can I catch you on TV? Tell me all the things.

SPEAKER_00: 59:57

Yeah, currently building a new house with my partner. So he's an architect. So we're gonna build a house and move in a year together, which is really exciting and stressful. Um, during that journey on my Instagram at the moment. I'm at DIY Mom on Instagram. I'm diymom.ca for my website. My TV show all five seasons are available on trybinge.tv or on my YouTube channel. Um you Can binge and stream all five seasons of the show and just love to hear from people if you're connecting with me or hearing about me for the first time and you want to reach out to me on social media and say hi, please do. Um, easiest to get a hold of me on Instagram, that's for sure. At diymom.ca. Beautiful. I gave you a follow today.

SPEAKER_01: 1:00:43

I'm so excited. I try not to follow my folks too ahead of time because I get in my head. Especially when I start seeing the number of followers, I'm good enough to be interviewing this goddess. It kicks in for sure. So I always give myself like, I don't know, 45 minutes beforehand. But I love your page. I love everything about you, especially your beautiful. Is that red hair? It looks like red hair, reddish hair.

SPEAKER_02: 1:01:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 1:01:10

So pretty. But you've got like some beautiful energy. Um, and now I know I said I don't watch a lot of TV, but now I've got well, they're short episodes.

SPEAKER_00: 1:01:21

They're like an episode, so it's not hard to binge an entire season. And well, I was also gonna say, could you repeat for me where it's at? Yeah, you go to my website, diymom.ca. It will take you right to my YouTube to which you can watch the TV show or try binge.tv is where they're streaming it as well, and you can get a free um trial and watch uh the whole whole season series there. So I've really loved talking to you today. You're a great interviewer and so wonderful to talk to. It's been very easy and fun. And oh, thanks so much. Yeah, recharging me for the rest of my day.

SPEAKER_01: 1:02:01

Good. Because you've got some mall walking to do.

unknown: 1:02:04

That's right.

SPEAKER_01: 1:02:07

Well, thank you, Rebecca, so much for being on my little old show, just women talking shit. It's been a lot of fun shooting the shit with you today. And I feel like I got a lot of new fresh perspectives. I have a new show to watch. And I've just really enjoyed connecting with you as a woman. It's been really great. Thank you. I appreciate that. All right, y'all. That is a wrap on Just Women Talking Shit. We've got Rebecca Higgs from DIY Mom.ca. Go check her out and give her a follow. Thank you so much. Thanks.