Stop Waiting to Feel Ready: Build Confidence Through Action

Waiting to “feel ready” is the biggest lie keeping you stuck. In this episode, we expose the myth of readiness—and how fear, conditioning, and your nervous system quietly trap you in familiar pain while costing you confidence, joy, and growth.

Through real stories of launching a first retreat while terrified and leading it year after year, we unpack why confidence doesn’t come before courage—it comes from it. You’ll learn how to train confidence like a muscle through small, repeatable actions that build self-trust and momentum.

We dig into the psychology of delay, exploring how avoidance protects you from rejection but reinforces self-doubt—and how to rewrite that story using proof from your own resilience.

You’ll walk away with three practical tools to break patterns today:

1. Do one thing differently to interrupt your habit loop.
2. Speak a hard truth out loud to release shame.
3. Ask directly for support so help stops being a guessing game.

We share simple, science-backed examples—from changing your morning phone routine to walking instead of numbing—to help you rewire your nervous system for progress, not perfection. Healing isn’t a moment; it’s a lifestyle that compounds over time.

Plus, we open the waitlist for Weird Women Who Wander 2026, a transformational retreat for women ready to stop waiting and evolve in community.

💬 If this message resonates, share it with someone who needs a loving nudge. Follow on Spotify or Apple Podcasts, and leave a quick review—it helps more women around the world find the courage to start before they feel ready.

Chapters

• 0:00 The Myth of Feeling Ready
• 2:28 Retreat Fear to Annual Tradition
• 3:38 Confidence Arrives After Action
• 5:26 Waiting Feels Safe, But Costs You
• 8:24 Choose Movement Over Familiar Pain
• 10:21 Three Steps to Start Today
• 15:31 Say It Out Loud and Ask Help
• 18:48 Healing as Lifestyle, Not Finish Line
• 20:43 Weird Women Who Wander Waitlist

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:22

Hello, you beautiful humans. Welcome back to Just Women Talking Shit, the no fluff self-help podcast for women who are done pretending and ready to evolve. I'm your host, Jacqueline Cotton, personal evolution mentor, retreat leader, and your honest as hell friend who's here to help you grow through the good shit, bad shit, weird shit, and all of life's shit in between. Today we're talking about something that hits home for just about everyone. Waiting.

unknown: 0:56

Uh oh.

SPEAKER_00: 0:57

Waiting to feel ready, waiting for the right time. You can't see me, but I have air quotes around that. Waiting for the motivation to just magically show up. But here's the truth. You don't need more time. Uh oh. You need to start now. I used to convince myself that I would start therapy when life slowed down. Except, spoiler alert, it never did. Life just kept handing me new chaos with a different fucking outfit. So let's get real. Let's talk about the myth of ready. Again, air quotes around ready. There is no magical version of you that is going to wake up one day and say, okay, I feel 100% ready to face my trauma and change my entire fucking life. Today's the day. Gonna cram it all in. Healing doesn't work like that, unfortunately. Growth, again, unfortunately, doesn't work like that. Hell, laundry doesn't even work like that. It just piles up until you fucking deal with it. When I launched my first ever retreat, this is just an example. I was terrified. And I have full-body chills as I say that because I remember being so scared. I didn't feel ready. I was sure, like very, very sure, that there was someone else out there that was way more qualified than me. You know, that they've been planning events, they have all these certifications, they've got all the credentials that, you know, if if they're standing next to me, they're gonna choose them. That's how I felt. But if I had waited until I felt ready, I'd still be sitting on my couch, scrolling Instagram, telling myself that I would do it next year. Spoiler alert, we just finished the third year of my annual women's retreat. And I'm gonna cry. That blows my mind that I get to plan the fourth annual retreat for women now, that people are coming from all over the country to be part of this. So here's what I have to tell you. Waiting for confidence is like waiting for motivation to go to the gym. It honestly only ever shows up after you start. That first day fucking sucks. The second day fucking sucks. Third day, you're wanting to quit. Fourth day, you're gonna take a break. Probably fifth day, you gotta get back on top of it. There's nobody there that can pull your feet out of the bed and make you do the shit. Nobody can force you to lift the weights, nobody can force you to go for the walk, right? But after you do it repeatedly for a little while, a couple of weeks, a few weeks, you start to notice this is getting easier. I'm not resisting as much. I went from five-pound dumbbells to ten-pound dumbbells, like it's immeasurable at that point, right? So let me say that again. Waiting on confidence is like waiting for motivation to go to the gym. It only shows up after you start. And that's the thing. It hit me like a fucking ton of bricks one day. I was like, when I came into this world, I didn't have confidence, but also didn't have confidence issues. So somewhere along the lines, that shit was a learned behavior. So if we all come into this world bare ass, butt ass naked, wheelie's out, right? We all come in with uh the capability of learning that skill set, which is confidence. And that's what really blew my mind was that confidence is a skill set. But here's why we wait. We wait because uh and this is gonna tap into your nervous system, this is conditioning, this is science. It makes you feel safer because as long as we're waiting, we don't actually risk failing. We don't have to risk being seen. You know? Nobody can go, I told you so, or any of that shit. That you know, you don't want to hear. But the reality is is that waiting and doing nothing, those are still a decision. So sometimes doing nothing at all is doing something. And sometimes doing something just needs to be nothing. So it's up to you to find that balance. Nobody else can do that for you. But and this is where I gotta lay it down, real talk. You're choosing to stay in the same pain that you already know. So by waiting and not taking a leap, not taking the first step, not crawling your lazy ass out of bed and going for the fucking walk. You could just start with like a two-minute walk, okay, up and down the driveway. You're choosing to stay in that same pain that you have been experiencing. You're choosing to stay stuck. So just think about it. Staying in that toxic relationship. This is an example because the holidays are coming up, or waiting to quit your draining job until you've saved a little more. Those are your decisions. I'm not saying that you should just like uh say, I'm fucking following, I'm filing for divorce, or I'm taking the dog and I'm moving out of the apartment. Like, you know in your heart of hearts what would make you happy, but it's creating this this goalpost that is so far away, and then never taking any of the steps to get there. Right? So also not saying go quit your fucking job and don't pay your bills, be smart, all right? But could you take on a side job that could eventually replace that job? Could you start a business? Could you do something out of the comfort of your own home, like painting, and start selling some of those and save up a little bit more? Could you take the leap? Either way, the decision is yours, and you're the one that has to experience the reality because of it. So every time that we say, Oh, not yet, we're literally reinforcing the belief that we are not capable yet. And that's the real lie. Because I want you to think back. I want you to think back on one of the most hard times in your life, or the most difficult times in your life. I want you to think about being in that bad relationship that you got out of. I want you to think about getting out of that terrible job that that was just draining your soul. I want you to think about the time that maybe you were in between homes or you couldn't find a job and you didn't know how you're gonna pay the bills. I want you to think about something that you've been through that you've overcome, that you can now go, wow, man, you fucking made it through that. You are incredible. Because our friends tell us stories, and if you go watch television, you you're inspired by all these other people's pain, and oh man, wow, you got through that. But then you don't take the time to reflect on how strong you are. So that's why I say that part, thinking that you're not capable yet, that is such a bold-faced fucking lie. You are capable of so much. So I just wanted to remind you of that. But hey, before we keep going, if this episode is hitting home or if you know someone who needs to hear this message, hit pause right now. You're not gonna hurt my feelings, and share this episode link with them. Send it in a text message, send it through Facebook Messenger, send it through Instagram DMs, send it through WhatsApp, send a fucking message in a bottle. I don't care how you do it, but share this episode with them, let them know that you care. But this, this is for the person, this is for the friend, this is for the coworker, this is for the the colleague, this is for whoever in your life, and if it's you, then you already know that. But whoever it is that keeps saying that she'll she'll start tomorrow, you know, I'll start one day, right? Show her that you love her by giving her this gentle nudge right now, because I truly believe that we grow better together. Okay, let's get to the good stuff. Like, how do you start healing today? That's the real question, right? So, what does it actually look like? What is starting look like? It's not about fixing everything in one day, because I'm gonna tell you what, my laundry list is hella long. It takes a lifetime, right? It's it's not about being the quickest to finish the race, right? It's about momentum, it's about creating small, consistent choices that will build the trust in yourself again, because that's what it's really about is you don't trust yourself to finish the task. You don't trust yourself to be successful, you don't trust yourself to to follow through with your commitment, right? You don't trust yourself enough to fail so that you can gather lessons from that experience and do better next time. So I'm gonna lay it out for you. I'm gonna give you three actionable fucking steps to start today. Number one, do one thing differently today. So, example, if you normally wake up and doom scroll, take five minutes, as soon as you wake up, right, to sit in silence and breathe instead. Because that tiny shift makes all the difference. I feel like when we wake up and immediately go to the phone, when we immediately start watching videos, we start scrolling Instagram, we are falling into the rabbit hole of let me get your attention and gather your data. It's if you stop and think about it, it's like inviting all these fucking people into your bedroom and they're just there. So let that creep you out for a moment. Let that let that sink in. Do you want a hundred people in your bedroom as soon as you fucking wake up? Probably not, not me, not me, not my cup of tea. Some people might be into that, but I don't want people watching me sleep. I don't want people watching me wipe my ass, right? So, like, why do we do that? Why do we pick up the phone immediately? It's because we are stuck in this habit loop, and so when we do one thing differently today, it's going to disrupt the pattern. And your patterns, your habit patterns, the things that you're doing every day, the really tiny unconscious decisions, that shit adds up to your ding ding-ding reality. So if you want to change your reality, you've got to disrupt the pattern. So just do one different thing today, okay? If normally you would spend the time after work binging Netflix, I'm talking about like, you know, you eat on the couch, you're watching Netflix, you fall asleep on the couch. Okay. Maybe instead of that, go for a little walk instead. Maybe that's a really good way to decompress. These are just some ideas. Number two, say the hard truth out loud. Maybe it's I'm not happy in this relationship, or I'm not showing up for myself. We tend to do that. We tend to people please, we tend to put ourselves and our wants and our desires, our dreams on the back burner, whether it be for kids, whether it be for a partner, whether it be for your boss, whether it be for in-laws, like what the fuck, right? We get on to our friends for doing this, but then we do it to ourselves. So naming it, it doesn't make it worse. It makes it real. When you say it out loud, it's like, uh, man, why'd I keep that in so long? It creates like vacancy space within your being. It feels like a weight off your shoulders, just like giving it giving it oxygen. So put that shit out there. Say it to yourself. Maybe you know, I'm not happy in this relationship. I'm not showing up for myself. It doesn't make it worse, it just makes it real. Number three, and we women have the worst fucking time doing this. Like it's so difficult for us is to ask for help. No. Is like, oh, they'll pick up on it, yeah, you know, and no, people typically around us are not, especially men, I would say, um, they're not super aware of what the the hints you're dropping actually mean. Why? Because they're worried about their own shit, they've got their own thoughts and insecurities and things that they want to start tomorrow floating around in their heads, right? So it really, really makes a big difference when you just directly ask for help. Say it out loud, message that friend, email your therapist, hell, send me a DM at Jaclyn Cotton or on just Woman Talking Shit on Instagram and like I'm here, I'll listen to your shit, okay? But you have to actually ask. And I need you to know that asking doesn't make you weak. It really doesn't. Ever since I started asking directly for help from my husband or asking my mom to help with my kids for the weekend and just saying, I'm about to lose my shit. Get these crotch goblins out of my house and let me just lay naked in my bed if I want to, right? Like, sometimes we just need people to step in and either let us know that we're cared for or loved or that we matter enough to take, you know, to take the time to spend with our kids so that we can have time for ourselves. Um, you know, when I ask my husband for help, instead of just hoping that he figures it out, it takes a it takes so much, you know, off my plate that maybe I wasn't good at or maybe I just can't handle today. And so I think it's really important that you know that you're not you're not weak for asking. I think you're really brave for starting, for starting to ask for help. Because remember, healing is not it's not something you can do overnight, it's not a destination. Um and it certainly isn't going to have a time frame. It really is a lifestyle, like flossing. Uncomfortable at first, you know, but if you skip it too long, things start rotting. So just just be brave enough to say, you know what, I do need help. I do need a break. I I I can't tackle these dishes. I've got, you know, um work to do, or some of us are students, I've got to do schoolwork. So you're not break, you're not, you're not broken for asking for help. Okay. Just just do it. Just do it already. Life gets a lot easier when you have people helping you. Now, if you're feeling that spark to go deeper, to stop waiting and to start living, I just want to tell you, and this is a new rebrand of my annual retreat. It has shifted because I finally, I finally it just hit me when I was in the pool with my wonderful um clients and you know, everybody that was there in Phoenix, um, that we all have one thing in common. We're wild and we're weird, right? And so the wait list for weird women who wander. Yes, I love it too! Did you love that name? But the wait list for the weird women who wander 2026 retreat is officially open. It's it's not a just a vacation, okay. I'm gonna be honest. Um, yeah, we have you know so much fun. Like, for instance, um we were chilling in the pool drinking THC infused drinks. At one point, we microdosed some mushrooms and we had a fucking blast and talking about anything and everything, masturbation, like nothing was off limits. We had so much fun, okay. It's a transformation, it really fucking is because when you there's something, there's something so amazing about getting in a sacred space with other women who are ready to stop waiting around and they want to fucking evolve. So we show our weirdest selves, and and everybody is just so at home at these events, and so oh my gosh, not just a vacation, it's also a transformation. It sounds cheesy, but it's fucking true. Just ask the other women who have participated. But you can join the wait list for weird women who wonder by going in the show notes, clicking the Google form link, and filling out those three little questions. It's just first name, Instagram handle, and your email address. So if you want to be in the know, then you gotta get on that list because those are the people that I will be emailing and that will get um input on where we actually go this um this new year. So, all right, my loves, that is it for today's episode. If this spoke to your soul, make sure to follow the show on Instagram, on Spotify, on Apple Podcasts, wherever it is that you are. We even have a TikTok. Um, but the big thing really for me is that you take just a few minutes to leave a rating or a review on Spotify or Apple Podcasts, because it's just me. It's totally just me. I don't have a team, I do all this shit myself. I'm just now, I think, starting to take it more seriously when it comes to the recording. I'm about to get a new microphone and I've been listening to Morbid. Just gonna go ahead and plug them, by the way. Fucking love. Morbid True Crime, if you haven't checked it out. One of the best podcasts I've ever heard. So shout out to Elena and Ashley. I fucking love y'all. Um, oh, that'd be really cool to get them on the show. Oh my god, I wonder if they do that. But by, you know, leaving reviews, by leaving um ratings and all that good shit, that actually helps us podcasters so much more than you know, because it helps us go up in the charts and it helps us get more exposure. We get recommended and all the things. So, um, and don't forget, you can totally come connect with me on Instagram. My personal account is at Jacqueline Cotton. You can see that in the show notes, and the show account is at just women talking shit. Or you can send your stories, ask your questions, um, all those things, you can email me at JWTS podcast at gmail.com because I fucking love hearing from you. Just be sure that if you don't want your name mentioned in the episode that you put, that you would like to remain anonymous. Um, and yeah, until next time, keep showing up, keep talking your shit, and keep becoming the woman that you were always meant to be.