Breaking Silence: Why Your Story Matters More Than You Think

Ever had a song transport you back to childhood, unlocking memories both beautiful and painful? That's exactly what happened when Tracy Chapman's soulful voice came through my speakers during a solo road trip to Phoenix. What began as a simple drive turned into a profound journey through the landscape of family relationships, healing, and the courage to share our stories authentically.

The catalyst was a recent "rupture" with my mother—one of those conversations that leaves you raw, questioning everything. Her comment that I'd "forgotten where I came from" initially stung but ultimately sparked deep reflection. Had I truly forgotten? Or was I simply trying to forge my own path while carrying the complicated legacy of my upbringing?

Driving through Texas with miles of open road ahead, memories flooded back: my mother playing Tracy Chapman albums, trying to create normalcy amidst chaos, handmaking costumes when money was tight despite my father's wealth. I remembered witnessing domestic violence, feeling the weight of knowing too much as a child, and the ongoing search for approval that still affects my relationships today. These patterns don't disappear—they transform, appearing in new relationships unless we consciously work to heal them.

This podcast explores the tension between honoring our roots and defining ourselves on our own terms. I believe sharing our stories helps others feel less alone in their struggles. When I was at my lowest points, strangers on social media who vulnerably shared similar experiences gave me hope and validation. That's why I refuse to be silenced—by family, in-laws, or anyone uncomfortable with authentic expression.

Whether you're navigating difficult family dynamics, healing from childhood wounds, or finding the courage to share your own story, remember this: you can acknowledge where you came from without being limited by it. Your perspective matters, even when it differs from others'. And sometimes, the most healing moments come unexpectedly—through a song on the radio, a long drive, or the courage to finally speak your truth.

Chapters

• 0:00 Road Trip Reflections
• 4:44 Tracy Chapman and Childhood Memories
• 9:26 The Rupture with Mom
• 14:34 Sharing Your Truth Without Apology
• 19:56 Remember Where You Come From
• 24:41 Don't Be Silenced, Tell Your Story

Transcript

SPEAKER_01: 0:24

Hello, hello, Jacqueline here from Just Women Talking Shit coming to you from my truck or my husband's truck. We you know when you're married, you call everything ours, so we're gonna go with it's my truck. But I am on the interstate headed to Phoenix for my third annual retreat for females who to be honest are just weird like me who are looking to make friends who you know might feel like black sheep, or we all come together once a year, and I pick a different location each year for us to come together and do some healing work to make friends to see the city that we're in, um, and just let loose, but in a healthy, fun way where we create memories. So I've got a lot of windshield time, if you know what I mean. I'm driving from Mississippi, I'm currently in Texas, and I'm headed to Phoenix, Arizona. So I've got the GPS says roughly a little under 16 hours left to drive. And I've been going back and forth, back and forth with podcasts, back and forth with like types of music, listening to books, all the things, right? So this morning I was on Instagram, and whenever I hopped on, I have like a music account where I sing because that's one of my that's like one of the things I love to do and I need to start doing more of. Like I really feel like I'm meant to tell stories through songs, but that's neither here nor there. I scrolled across a video of Tracy Chapman singing Give Me One Reason in 1989 on SNL. So Saturday Night Live, for those who don't know what that is, and it like it shook me because that's the year I was born, right? And Tracy Chapman is one of my biggest influences when it comes to music, like the soul, the grit, the storytelling, the deepness of her voice. Like, I am pure alto through and through. I've got some range, but like I I take pride in having a very deep voice when it comes to singing. My grandmother, God rest her soul. I called her Nani, but her name was Peggy Sue. She sang gospel, and she had one of the deepest female voices, and it was one of the most beautiful things. I've actually probably to this day the most beautiful voice I've ever heard. I get I'm getting chill bumps and I'm getting emotional thinking about it. Now, all this backstory to say that I've always been a singer, I've always loved music, but it has to stem from somewhere. And recently, uh I it's all gonna tie together soon, I promise. Recently, you know, my mom and I got into this really it really upset me. I was not right for a few days, and they call them in you know, relationships, whenever it comes to psychology, they're called ruptures. And sometimes we have a rupture in our relationships based on you know the stressors on it could be both sides, one side, it could feel very one-sided. Uh, one person's going through something, the other person isn't. Maybe they're both going through something, don't know how to ask for help, but there's miscommunication and there's buildup until somebody ruptures. And so we had a rupture a couple weeks ago, and it freaking it really hurt me. And some of the things she said I understood. However, I like and it's really hard to not take them personally, even when somebody says, Don't you know, like, I don't I don't mean to be mean or whatever, but like it comes off that way, and so I was I was just a wreck. I'm crying to my husband, I'm like feeling like I can never do anything right. All my childhood issues start coming out, my neglect issues, uh, the abandonment issues I've been working on for a long time, and it was very evident in that moment that my mother wound, my parent wound in general is still very wide open. However, there's something she said now, without getting too much into our private issues, there's something she said, and it just hit me a little bit on this drive because of Tracy Chapman. And she said something which she got her feelings hurt over some business things that I'm doing that you know she thought she was gonna be part of, but again, miscommunication, not keeping in touch, like I'm a planner, I I like if I say I'm gonna do something, I'm gonna do it. I don't just talk about it and then bring it up months later. Like, I have a plan and I'm working on it, and so with this mute communic miscommunication, she thought she was um coming on this retreat with me, but I hadn't heard from her literally in months. So it was it for me, it was she couldn't go, you know. Her husband has uh cancer, so I especially thought she couldn't go because well, I wouldn't want to leave my husband, I don't think, but I I was under the impression she couldn't leave because of his condition. So anyway, I didn't want to like throw salt in a wound and and keep bringing it up, but anyway, miscommunication.

SPEAKER_00: 5:56

And in this miles, take the exit to Marge onto I635.

SPEAKER_01: 6:02

In this rupture that we had, she said to me that I must have forgotten where I got all this influence from. Like the music, the the spiritualness, like the spirituality, and like the things that I'm interested in. And you know, I haven't really stopped and thought about that because of there there is still, I think, deep down some resentment. Like my child, my inner child is very resentful towards my parents because I feel like I didn't get a childhood, and you know, I I've I know now as a parent, like we do the best we can with the you know the the materials we have, the resources we have, um, and with the knowledge we have, right? However, it's real easy to kind of throw that under the rug and forget where you did come from. So I say all that to say, Tracy Chapman, my mother used to listen to Tracy Chapman all the time when I was growing up. All the time. I never would have known about Tracy Chapman without my mother. And she wound up being one of my biggest influences ever. Music. Like I still listen to her. And I was listening to Tracy Chapman this morning, dancing in the mirror, you know, hanging out in the hotel by myself, which is if you're a mom and you like we have five kids between the two of us, so a mom of five. And we both work from home, so we spend a lot of time at home together, and then you know that like that's sacred time. So I'm dancing, I'm having a good old time, and then one of Tracy Chapman's songs, since I'm already on like this Tracy Chapman gig, because it put me in a good mood, right? Uh her song Fast Car came on while I'm leaving Texas to head to Phoenix. And I'm sitting here in the truck driving in my fast car, singing this song, and I want to get emotional. All of a sudden, I do have these flashbacks of when my mom, in my mind, in my child's mind, when my mom was good, when she loved me, when she showed me she loved me, when she made time for me. And I think back now, and those were the times when you know my dad either wasn't there or when he was there, he was beating the shit out of her. Like an inch from life. He, you know, I've I've walked in on terrible situations. I remember clutching the phone thinking I'm gonna have to call the cops or an ambulance because I'm scared my mom's gonna die. Um and those were the times when she tried so hard not to let me know or let us know. I think she knew that I knew. She always knew I knew, and I always carried that burden of I know too much and I protected my siblings. But that song just took me back into this one house specifically. Actually, there's two houses where I just had the best memories, and these were the times when she was trying so hard to not let us know how fucked up our reality really was. And that song just took me back to the memories, like the really good memories of when she would like handmake our costumes. We we couldn't afford it, like I mean, we could, but we couldn't. I say that because my dad had a shit ton of money, but he made us live like we were absolutely impoverished. He left us for months at a time with nothing. And my mom had to do what she could. And it was like one of the situations where you're scared to ask for money, right? He got to spend it all, he got to have the fun. Um, with prostitutes, with drugs, with you know, just living this lavish life. And saying all this out loud really is it's it's getting to me because I'm realizing how deeply ingrained it is. Like my my obsession with money, my you know, like being scared of money, but also feeling like I need it, but also feeling guilty, like and then just the abandonment issues are rising to the surface again. But at the end of the day, there's there's no denying where I came from. And I don't want to be ashamed of that. I think that you know, my mother thinks I'm ashamed of her. I'm not ashamed. I'm not embarrassed. None of that. I I just this is kind of my story, you know, and I get to tell it how I want to tell it, and I get to express it how I want to express it respectfully. With respect, right? Like I will never bash. I don't want to bash anybody. I don't care how much a person hurts me or what my feelings are towards them, I respectfully get to share my truth, and I think it's really easy to get caught up in not being authentically honest with your truth, especially when it comes to social media. Like, I think healing, part of the healing journey, I don't think you're ever healed. I think that you are in a forever state of healing because well, life just it will always find a way to get you down. You will always experience sadness of some sort. Um, and there's probably gonna always be some void or something that you're chasing. That's why people really rely on religion and faith, and because they want to feel complete. And so the rupture happened, and it had me sad, and I think it had her sad. I apologized. I don't want, you know, and that's probably I don't know if that's the best thing for me to do is to be the person who always apologizes because typically I'll apologize to others, and they don't apologize to me. They're just like, oh, I love you too. Well, okay. But I'm here to take, I'm here to take accountability for my actions, and this song just really triggered that reminder in me that I think every mama I I can't speak for all of them, but I want to, I like to believe that mothers do want what's best for their children, and sometimes they don't know how to relay that. Um and I just I want so badly for all of you to, even if your mom, your dad, whoever in your story, maybe it's a partner, or you know, even in-laws, if you want to share your story and you feel like you're not allowed to, or that you're gonna be silenced, or what are people gonna say? I just want to remind you that I'm out here sharing my story, and my parents are still alive. They don't like it, they don't like it because they assume that people will think bad of them, but I'm not here to I'm not here to to shift blame on anybody. I'm here to take accountability for my feelings, for the feelings I have, and I'm sorting through them. And sometimes in this journey of trying your best to just put your best foot forward, heal a little bit each day, be able to wake up without that, you know, overwhelming nervous feeling in your stomach. Like, this is for me. This is so that my kids feel like they can talk to me. Me being able to share my story and be honest about my feelings in a respectful way is not discrediting where I came from. I genuinely hope that everyone who knows me, whether you like me or not, knows that I'm here to help. I'm not here to cast judgment. I really don't want. I hate that people don't like me. I'll be honest, I hate that. My abandonment issues and the childhood neglect and the trauma that I've experienced as a child, as a young adult, even as an adult, really wants me to be liked by everyone. It fucking shatters me that I don't have a close relationship with my husband's family. It shatters me that I didn't have a closer relationship with my daughter's dad before he passed away. I I really don't like that, you know, the way things have turned out between my daughter's um stepmom and me. Like, I don't like any of it. I wish that we were all a big, happy family. I I wish that my husband's, you know, like the co-parents of my uh stepchildren, I wish that we were all friends. Like it it aggravates me, it bothers me, but at some point, like we have to just relinquish this, relinquish this control of what other people are gonna think and how they're gonna feel about us and share our truths anyway. Because everybody, everybody's gonna have a different perspective, everyone's gonna have different feelings towards what you see as your reality. But that's the thing, is that reality is based on perception, and your perception can be completely different than someone else's. But at the core, it's about how do you feel? How do you feel when you lay your head down each night? Are you at peace? And so, whenever I think about this rupture with my mom, when I think about this song, when I think about the good memories, when I think about the heartache, and just the constant search for approval that I am not even aware of. Like, I still do this, I still search for approval with my mom. I don't I don't have a relationship with my dad, but that has kind of trickled into my relationship with my husband, searching and seeking approval through him. Um, it used to be seeking approval through social media. Now I'm just like, fuck it. People are gonna think what they want to think. There will always be somebody who does not agree with me. But I know in my heart of hearts, and with my intention, that sharing my story helps other people. It's brave, it's courageous. I'm not throwing anybody under the bus. I'm just sharing real life shit. People don't get along with their in-laws, people do have toxic relationships with co-parents. People do die, like you know, my daughter's dad, and then we have survivor's guilt. We have regret. I could have done better, I could have not been as big of a bitch. Like, these are real life things, and I need it. I needed this reminder, I needed that rupture, I think. I needed my mom to just kind of lose it on me and say, I think you forgot where you came from. You know, now I don't like when people try to take credit for my success. That's not cool. Like, I'll never take credit for my kids' success. I'll be so happy for all her success, all his success, but I'm learning. I'm learning how I don't want my kids to think about me and feel about me through the ways that I think and feel about others. And I think at the end of the day, all I can do and all you can do if you're listening to this and you face this or you face it in the future is to remember who the fuck you are. Remember your your true heart's intention and don't let people get in your head about that. Because social media will get in your head, you know. It happens. It it happened, it happened on when I posted my anniversary post. I got a nasty text from from in-laws on my um you know my husband's side asking me to take stuff like quit.

SPEAKER_00: 18:28

Tell me about 10 miles, take exit 27B to merge onto I-35E towards Denton.

SPEAKER_01: 18:35

Quit talking about our family. Acting like they've tried to make an attempt, uh, a relationship with me, with my son. And it that's not that's not that's not my truth. Well, why should I not share the real life things that are happening so that people don't feel alone? Because I and I I tell my husband this all the time, he he he has these wise cracks about social media people who that's his thing, is he doesn't have social media and he says, Well, if you don't have social media and won't stress you out, yada yada yada, sure. Like, I'm not scrolling social media to get a fix, a dopamine fix anymore. But when I did, when I was really struggling, I cannot tell you how many strangers sharing their stories helped me through some of the roughest times of my life to know I wasn't alone, to know that I was-stayed the right four lanes. To know that I wasn't alone, to know that these feelings were valid, and to know that other people had this kind of shit happening too gave me hope. And so I won't be silenced, I won't be silenced by my parents, I won't be silenced by my husband, won't be silenced by my children, won't be silenced by anybody. No, I'm over it. I think you should be over it too if you feel called to share your testimony, to share what you know you've been through, to share your faith, to share your story. I think it's super, super important for the human in you to find that that level of fulfillment. And I think that my personal opinion, my personal belief is that God heals and speaks through our stories. Like your life and your you know, your trials, your tribulations, everything you've been through. I don't think it was for nothing. And so share that, share that in the most respectful way. Don't throw people under the bus. Be respectful, but do not waver, don't forget where you came from, but also don't let that define you. You know, if you come from a shit family, it's okay to honor and respect and like accept that and be aware that okay, I come from like a family that I don't like. I might not have picked them, their habits, their beliefs, how they brought me up, but to know that like you can't deny where you came from, but that you can pick what serves you. And I needed that reminder. I needed that reminder from my mom, I needed that reminder on this trip. I needed to stumble across that 1989 Tracy Chapman debut of Gimme One Reason, and that's one of the songs that I play. I don't play like I'm not a big fan of playing a bunch of covers, but y'all, I will cover the shit out of some Tracy Chapman. Um, just so much soul, so much. Oh, her music is so good. Um I just needed, I needed all that, and I couldn't have planned how that was gonna come through. I think that's one of the cool things about energy, about God, about source, is the like when you're least resisting, like when you're driving or doing dishes or taking a shit, is when things might click for you. And it could be the smell of something, could be a song that comes on, it could be just you know the a feeling in the air that makes you remember where you came from, reminds you of where you've been, but also reminds you of where you don't want to go again. Uh, and I think it's important to always honor that. Always honor the the hustle and the hurdles that got you here, but to know that they don't define you and that you don't have to be silent, that you can share all of this in a respectful way from a place of power. People are gonna get their feelings hurt, people are gonna have things to say, but again, the the the biggest thing is here here is respect. You can respectfully say we just we see this differently, we have different perspectives, it's nothing against you, I don't call you out by name, I don't do any of that, you know. People in my world don't know who you are. This is a story, it's a story that's helping others, and I I can't deprive people of that. Because secretly everybody wants to share their story too. Everybody wants to be able to feel fulfilled and feel like they have a great greater purpose, and um some of us are brave enough to to step into that and share those stories publicly, and some of us aren't, but just reminding you that even if even if your mama or your daddy or your grandmama tells you don't talk about that, why? Why are people asking you not to talk about it? That's the bigger question. And can you live with yourself if you don't talk about it? So I'll never forget where I came from. Mad respect to my mom. The older I get and the more difficult uh raising these kids and being in a healthy like this is the first real healthy relationship I've been in. Like, it is all very hard. I've wanted to give up several times. I can see the temptation in a lot of things. Um I respect I respect the fuck out of her. Don't always have to agree with your parents, don't always have to agree with you know the people around you, but we can still respect each other. Um and I think that's the most important thing at the end of the day is can we respectfully disagree and still find love? Because love is worth fighting for, love is worth communicating in a healthy way, love is worth sharing your story, helping others heal, and still getting to hug that person at the end of the day. So I love you, I love you so much. I won't be silenced, you don't be silenced. Go out there and do your damn thing, you know, start the movement, be a leader, write the book, start the podcast, start posting content, do the fucking thing. Don't forget where you came from, but don't let it define you.