Just Women Talking Shit
Just Women Talking Shit is your go-to self-help podcast for real talk on personal & spiritual growth. Hosted by Jacquelynn Cotten, personal evolution mentor & founder of Spiritual Support System, this podcast features juicy interviews with badass, one-of-a-kind women. We dive deep into the good 💩, bad 💩, weird 💩, & life 💩, offering insights & inspiration to help you live a more authentic, fulfilled life. Join us for relatable stories, expert advice, & practical tips on overcoming challenges, building resilience, & embracing your true self. Tune in & start your journey towards personal evolution today!
Just Women Talking Shit
From Blackouts to Breakthroughs: One Woman's Journey to Sobriety with Leanna DaCunha
What does it mean to be "sober curious" in a culture where drinking is the default social activity? In this raw and revealing conversation, Jacquelynn starts with a deeply personal confession about her own struggles with alcohol, sharing recent setbacks despite her previous confidence in having overcome her unhealthy relationship with drinking.
Leanna, a self-described "retired party girl turned event planner and blogger," joins the conversation and unpacks the nuanced territory between traditional alcoholism and casual drinking. Having spent years binge drinking three to five nights a week to the point of blackout, her journey toward sobriety offers profound insights for anyone questioning their relationship with alcohol.
The discussion takes unexpected turns as both women share vulnerable stories about identity, friendship loss, and those painful moments when alcohol turned them into people they didn't recognize. "I like to say that now I'm making memories instead of losing them," Leanna reflects, capturing the essence of what sobriety offers beyond just abstinence.
Beyond the emotional and social aspects, they explore the physical impacts of alcohol—how it disrupts sleep rather than improving it, increases anxiety despite temporarily relieving it, and takes a toll on overall health. For those who've built their social lives and identities around being "the life of the party," the fear of who they'll become without alcohol is real and daunting.
Whether you're firmly committed to sobriety, simply "sober curious," or just intrigued by the growing movement challenging alcohol's central role in society, this conversation offers compassionate wisdom without judgment. The message resonates clearly: your relationship with alcohol doesn't define you, and exploring life without it might reveal a more authentic, energized version of yourself you never knew existed.
How might your social life, health, and self-understanding transform if you questioned your relationship with alcohol? Listen to find out, and consider joining the conversation about making memories instead of losing them.
Find Leanna on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/leannamariarlee
Website link: https://sippingongratitude.com
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Hi, jacqueline here. I know it's been a minute, but I'm back, and this episode today is going to bring up some emotions for me, because when I recorded it, I was on a really good high. I was at the top of my weight loss game. The medicine that I was taking made it so that I had no desire for alcohol whatsoever, and a lot's changed since then. I was on Zepbound for weight loss last year, going into this year, and in February I had a BMI that was so low that I no longer needed it.
Speaker 1:And then, in the months coming up, with it being summer and my appetite being a lot better my appetite being a lot better I found myself in this cycle of I think I can drink again. And, long story short, considering today's episode is about being sober, curious, facing sobriety. When I recorded this episode with Leanna, I thought that I was golden. I was like I'm never going to have this problem again. But the truth is that these past few months, I've had a new trouble with alcohol again, and it's not something that's like I drink every day or I have to drink to get through the day, or anything like that. But I found myself, even with all the wisdom and everything I'm about to say in this episode. That honestly makes me feel like a fucking hypocrite, that I thought I knew myself so that I would know my limits, and what I found these past few months is that when going out with friends, the pressure of, oh, have another glass of wine, or I'm trying to keep up with these people and I found myself in the same trap of feeling like I have to drink when I'm out and my husband likes to drink and so I need to drink. And the truth of the matter is that when I drink a lot, I'm not a good person. Simply put, I'm not a good person. I get violent, I black out. So I'm very much just a one or two beers with fajitas type of gal if I'm going to drink. Or we can share a bottle of wine and eat some cheese and sit at home and listen to music or watch a movie, a rom-com or something kind of gal.
Speaker 1:But I say this because I don't want to build shame around the fact that I've had really bad experiences and I've hurt a lot of people when I'm drinking, because I know that's not me To the core. That's not me. It brings out a lot of darkness, that's within me, but I've got to not build shame around it, because I really fuck up when I drink and I think that what's more important is to know and be honest with myself that I don't like who I am when I drink too much, and so, knowing my limits and being able to own up to the fact that when I do that and I put myself in that situation, that I've got to be able to take responsibility for everything that happens, even when I don't remember it. So I've had these moments the past few months. I've had two or three of them, and my husband God, oh my God. I've never seen somebody more supportive and I just feel so undeserving of love lately, but these drinking escapades really escalated to moments that I can't take back, to things I said that I can't take back, and I've got a lot of guilt and it's something I'm working through and I've abstained from social media and I've really been working of guilt and it's something I'm working through and I've abstained from social media and I've really been working on this behind the scenes and it's just one of those things that it comes into your life and you're like what the fuck? I know better than this. And then there's this whole vicious cycle of guilt and shame and just like when are you going to be a better person? I thought you knew better, and it just creates this perpetual cycle. And so I'm like I've been working through that and what I've realized is that this getting to know myself and finding myself and thinking I can do things that I know I can't do, and learning how to be more responsible Is it's not a linear phase, it's a loop, it's like a circle, and I'm going to revisit things and you're going to revisit things and you're going to make mistakes that maybe you thought you wouldn't make, because you've already made those mistakes. And it's how you navigate through those things and how you really show up and let the people know you've hurt somebody.
Speaker 1:I've hurt my husband and and honestly I've hurt, I guess, the idea that my kids have of me, and these weren't things that did in front of them, it's just things that they've heard or things I've had to tell them and come forward about, because when you do stupid shit and there's physical evidence left behind and I'm not somebody that's going to lie to them, and so my husband has been loving me through this and everyone knows that I've had a recent diagnosis of being bipolar and some people want to use that against me and some people have retracted from me and think that they can't trust me or that I'm this violent person all the time. But it's been learning my triggers, it's been figuring out what I can and can't do, being able to tell the warning signs, the signals, the being honest with myself. But what I'm really struggling with is giving myself the grace and I think that if my husband and my children didn't give me such grace and just let me know that you're human and you fucked up, but I don't know that I would be able to work through it, essentially because of the guilt and the ruminating and the hot Jacqueline, you really fucked up and you fucked up again. And so I just wanted to say all this because, to be honest, if you are in my life and you hear this episode and you've seen me drinking, not having a margarita or having a beer or something like that, or I've posted my stories, and then you hear this episode and you've seen me drinking, not having a margarita or not having a beer or something like that, or I've posted my stories, and then you hear this episode, I feel like you might be like, oh, she's a liar, she's a hypocrite. And I just want to be fully transparent that when I recorded this episode I was a hundred percent sober from alcohol and my relationship with alcohol since then has expanded, I guess but that I think I revisited these mistakes to know for good that I'm done.
Speaker 1:I'm done with making these kinds of mistakes, putting myself in these situations, because I have so much to lose, I have so much to risk.
Speaker 1:And to be without my husband if he were to divorce me, or to be without my kids or my stepkids, it feels like a thousand knives going into my heart.
Speaker 1:And I think that if you're struggling with alcohol addiction or substance abuse and you hear this and your relationships very iffy, they're touch and go and leap down that you're contributing to this because you have an addiction. I just think that it's really important that if you're listening to this episode, to, one, give yourself grace, but two, to be honest with yourself and just seek help, whether that be licensed professional therapists, psychologists, go to some kind of counseling, whether it's inpatient, whether it's outpatient care. Just be accepting enough and loving enough of yourself to know that it's okay to admit that you have a problem, or that when you use these substances or drink alcohol, that you're not the same person. Because if you deep down want people to see how loving and caring you are and this is what's causing the problem then it's learning how to be without that, it's growing past the wanting to numb yourself every time things get hard, and I've found myself making these mistakes, and so here, we go.
Speaker 1:Yes, sir, I had to share all of that with you, so now I feel better. Before I play this episode for you, I think that my guest today is going to open your eyes to what it's like being sober, curious or seeking a path of sobriety, because there is peer pressure to drink when you're out with friends, to drink at events, to be part of the crowd. And so Leanna is really going to open your eyes today. She is wonderful. She's an event planner, she is on social media spreading words and tips and just her experience of what it's like to be a sober girly and to live a life without the pressure of alcohol or feeling like you have to partake in that in order to have a good time.
Speaker 1:So, without further ado, from Leanna Sips on Gratitude. Leanna is a community organizer and the author of the Sipping on Gratitude blog. She's dedicated to helping fellow ex-party girls thrive in retirement by providing resources on manifestation, mindset and personal growth. Through the Grateful Sips Social Club, she cultivates meaningful community experiences, both virtual and in real life, that inspire connection and transformation.
Speaker 2:Ladies and gentlemen, ladies and gentlemen, you're listening to Just Women Talking Shit with your host, jacqueline cotton.
Speaker 1:Jacqueline cotton welcome back to just women talking shit. I'm so excited about our guest today. Is it? How do you say it? Liana or liana? How do you say it? Leanna or Leanna? How do you pronounce it? Leanna Got it. I always have to be careful because my name's kind of tricky and I was literally going through McDonald's the other day to get a coffee and I don't know why people don't know to say Jacqueline. But she said something that I never heard before and it was Jaquina. I was like that one's new.
Speaker 1:So I always ask it how do you say your name? So, leanna, I'm so excited to get to chat with you today. You were talking about working on your book. I don't know a whole lot about you and I'm really excited to just dive right in. So if you would just take a minute to introduce yourself and tell us what's going on in your world right now and how you're making an impact, Sure, I'm excited to be here too.
Speaker 2:I listened to a few of your episodes and I love how organic your conversations are, so I think this will be fun. I call myself a retired party girl turned event planner and blogger, so I primarily work in events and I do corporate brand activations and corporate events. But I started having this passion for the Sober Curious space and movement which I can share. Maybe a bit more about my story later, but I just started blogging online about Sober Curiosity and eventually that kind of grew into me, wanting to combine my two passions of events, but also Sober, sober curiousness and so now I run events for sober curious women, both virtually and in person in Toronto, which is usually where I'm based. Right now I'm in Austin, but that's another story and I blog about sober curiosity. I'm currently working on a book, so nowhere near ready to put out into the universe just yet, but I am working on one. I have workshops, I have a 30-day alcohol-free challenge, and that's about the gist of it so super cool.
Speaker 1:It sounds like you're doing a lot and you're making a really big impact. Whenever it comes to being sober, what do do you consider that? Because and I say that because I see people say I'm sober curious and my mind goes to, oh, alcohol. But is that until other things as well? For instance, I'm a medicinal cannabis patient, and so I'm always curious about this. I'm an ex-alcoholic. I'll have a drink once in a while, but I don't enjoy it the way I used to. It brings back a lot of bad memories, and so I'm curious what is sobriety and being sober, curious? Even look like.
Speaker 2:It's such a good question. I feel like we used to have this sort of idea of what sobriety meant and what alcoholism looked like, and it was if you didn't fit into this particular description, you were fine, which eventually we learned wasn't true, and I think that's where this whole sober curious movement birthed from. It's sort of talking about that gray area, that in between. So traditionally, when we were to think of an alcoholic, we would think of somebody who has a physical dependency on alcohol, who's ruining every single area and aspect of their life. But I think what we've sort of grown to come to understand is that even having a reliance on alcohol in some way may not be healthy for you and your lifestyle. So, whether that be, I'm somebody who relies on having a drink in order to be social. I'm somebody who relies on having a drink to be intimate with my partner. Right, we've sort of learned that those may not work for people as well. And so where sober curiosity kind of comes in is exactly what you were describing too, in my opinion.
Speaker 2:I think it offers this umbrella term for people who fall in the in-between, who are like maybe I don't have a physical dependency where I have to drink every day, or else I'm sick, but I don't like the way alcohol shows up into my life, or I don't like the way maybe other substances show up in my life.
Speaker 2:So I'm creating my own relationship with it, whether that be total abstinence or moderation and knowing I can have one drink here and there and I'm okay, but I don't have more than that, or whether it's I use cannabis or maybe a lot of people are microdosing mushrooms and psilocybin now at this point. So it's like maybe finding what that balance is for you. I think that's kind of where sober curiosity comes in. So I am a big proponent of not abstaining 100% if that's not for you. I think that's kind of where sober curiosity comes in. So I am a big proponent of not abstaining 100% if that's not for you. But just having people challenge their own opinion and mindset around alcohol and maybe assessing should I consume less, or what would consuming less look like for me, that makes sense.
Speaker 1:So you mentioned when we go out and socialize. That's when I really started to notice that me drinking or me not, the lack of me drinking is like I get. Looks like when, when people invite me out and they're like, oh, so let's go out for drinks, I'm like, oh, I'll go, but I don't. I'm not a party girl anymore. Like my version of partying now is let's take a weekend trip and go, stick ourselves in nature and I don't know, hang out and be very present. That may sound lame to some people, but I used to live for the weekends. And then I remember in college is when I really started developing a bad problem and I was hospitalized. I drank so much and it was just a lot of trauma. I was doing it to be cool, I was doing it because that's what everybody else was doing. But then the anxiety and the depression and the CPTSD that I didn't know at the time I had, it was a way of drowning out all of that.
Speaker 1:And now, being 35, going on 36, when I go out places and everybody's drinking, they're like, oh, what can we get you? And I'm just like I'll take a Shirley Temple. And they're like what? And I'm like I know it sounds weird, but I don't. I don't need that to have a good time. So what are, what are the events that you plan? And is that something that people run into? A lot is when they go out, they almost feel bad and guilty. That, or they it feels like peer pressure to me, to be honest. Oh, you're so weird. You're not having a drink.
Speaker 2:I have so many thoughts on this. So one it's absolutely a form of peer pressure, but I think it's just a reflection of their own relationship with alcohol. So if anyone's listening and they feel uncomfortable when they go out because people are pressuring them, if somebody feels uncomfortable about your lack of drinking, that only says something about them. It doesn't say anything about you. Typically, people react that way because we're mirroring back to them something that they're not ready to look at just yet. So that's just number one.
Speaker 2:Number two I think it is really important to, as you said, you love to go out and you'll order a Shirley Temple. That's awesome. You already know what your alternative drink of choice is. I think that's a big thing for people who aren't drinking. Know what you're going to order instead and lay it with confidence so that you're comfortable when you go out and you're not like standing around awkwardly. Having a drink in your hand can be very helpful. It'll also help ward off anyone else you're around from asking you if you want a drink, if you're already holding something. And then your other part to the question. Now I'm trying to remember what you just asked. What was the other part of the?
Speaker 1:question. Well, we touched base on the peer pressure thing. But what are? And you gave some tips on what to do, which I think is great. Having a drink in your hand, so somebody is not like, oh well, what are you drinking? I like that, but whenever it comes to cause, I find it very interesting that you you call yourself like an ex party girl, right, and then you now combining it with events, which makes total sense if you stop and think about it. But I'm curious, what are those events look like?
Speaker 2:Yes, Okay, yes, so I held an in-person event recently and it was called High Vibes, high Tee, and it was a high tea event where we got together, we all had matcha, I shared a little bit about manifestation and goal setting and then we all made vision boards together. Some other events that I do virtually might just be like a workshop. I held a gratitude circle recently, which is where we literally just got together and talked about things that were going well in our life and celebrated each other. So I think it can just look like anything that is centering, community connection, other activities outside of alcohol, and that is one of the biggest things I found for me when I stopped partying.
Speaker 2:As much was the lack of friendship and connection. And then, obviously, the other side of it is the shame and guilt and all the emotions that start coming up that we used to suppress when we were drinking. But a big part of it is the lack of connection and going out, because a lot of us put our entire social lives into going out for drinks and drinking and a big piece of that is we were searching for connections over a shared interest of drinking and we were not really seeking connections over our shared values. So if you're hanging out with people and the only time you see them is when you're both drinking, what happens when you no longer like to drink? Right, those friendships kind of fizzle out because you didn't connect on any other. You didn't connect over anything else. Connect on any other, you didn't connect over anything else. So I like to try to bring people together over values, whether it's our personal development, our mindset, connection, communication, if it's still hospitality, having drinks, having food, but it's mocktails instead of alcohol, just finding other reasons to bring people together.
Speaker 1:I love that so much. So for the person who is sober curious because I had said my weight loss has a lot to do with it, that was one of the big contributors is beer lots of empty calories and so I get this whole. I'm starting to hear like, oh, quit, quit, losing weight, you're going to blow away, and stuff like that, these backhanded remarks. But, like I said, when we go out and I don't drink there's less pressure. So I'm curious what are some besides having a drink in your hand?
Speaker 1:What are some things because this happens a lot what are some things we can say so that we can stand in our power and in our decision, but say it to the people in a respectful way, because it's it's like they're condemning you oh, you're so weird, you're not drinking, or it almost feels like you're, you're a party pooper type thing. But I'm curious because I don't ever know what to say. Besides, I just this, this weight loss that I'm experiencing and the medicine that's helping me get there and just my overall lifestyle change. I don't I, but I run out of things to say whenever somebody is thinking it's weird. So what is a respectful thing we could say without feeling and I think the word is intimidated?
Speaker 2:That's a good question. It's hard to say because everything it's so different for everybody. I think the biggest thing is just having confidence in your decision and confidence in what you're saying. But there's always going to be those people that keep pushing, and it's just what I said before. If somebody is pushing like that, it's likely because they feel uncomfortable about their own drinking and that's why they're doing that to you.
Speaker 2:But I find if you just, with confidence, say I'm not drinking or I don't drink, instead of saying oh, I'm just not drinking right now or I'm not, I'm doing this because of this, it opens up more room for questioning and poking, rather than just very firmly from the beginning saying I don't drink alcohol, that's my choice. If you like to drink, that's your choice. Right, and just shutting it down. But if somebody is going to keep pushing you at that point, it's really because they feel uncomfortable with their own drinking and more often than not that person continues to drink throughout the night. They might come up to you and start asking more questions and eventually you might get to a point where you can see that they're actually just curious about what I'm doing and they're curious about why I'm doing it, because they feel some type way about what they're doing and their drinking and their patterns and I noticed sometimes it always it always comes back to that eventually.
Speaker 2:At least I noticed that with some of the people in my life. It's a hard thing to navigate and maybe that does look like not going out with those people for a little while. Maybe it looks like finding new circles, a new community, which can be really hard. And that's why a lot of people say, when you're early in your decision to moderate or to be sober, there's that weird transitional period where we're finding new friends, we're switching everything up in our life and that's a lot of the reason why I started making events in this space, so that women can find other women who are feeling the same way and not be met with that resistance and that pushback.
Speaker 1:Very nice, very cool. It just feels like I don't know. I wonder if there's anything going on like that around here. I'm in Mississippi and it may not be all of Mississippi, but people here are really big on barbecues, football games, any reason to get together and eat and drink, but I don't. I don't feel like I've seen very much going on here. Do you have? Do you have any? I guess? What do we look for in our area to see if there's anything like this going on?
Speaker 2:I'm in Texas right now. I've been here. I'm here just for the winter and they've got a similar kind of vibe. It sounds like a barbecue, outdoor hangouts.
Speaker 2:I'm loving it personally, but I think the internet is so helpful for this. You could go on Instagram and just search your location and keyword. So if you were to search your city and sober or sober curious, you're probably going to find either creators you could find other people that you could be friends with. You might be able to find things that are different, events and activities that are going on. And then also it's just finding recreational activities. So maybe, if you like sports, finding a local sports league, and sometimes these people might go out for a drink after a game, but they're not likely drinking when they're playing baseball or softball or football, whatever it is, and book clubs are really good for that sort of thing too. So maybe it's just about finding activities that don't revolve around drinking and connecting with those people, and then searching that keyword and your location on social is really helpful. You'll most likely find creators in that space or just anyone online who's talking about that sort of thing, and you can form your own community.
Speaker 1:How long have you been sober or sober curious?
Speaker 2:It has been five or six years. So I quit binge drinking back around sometime between 2019 to 2020. And I say quit but really I'm still doing it, maybe once every couple months, but I really narrowed it down and then I quit it for good in 2020. So it's been like five years and I'm in the same position. I might have a single drink once every couple months or every last time I had a drink was I had a small glass of this Guinness punch at Christmas. My family's part Jamaican and they make this. Jamaicans make this certain kind of punch at Christmas time, so I had like a small amount of it and that's the last time I had a drink. But in terms of drinking regularly and binge drinking, it's been five years.
Speaker 1:And may I ask what prompted that? Did you have a line in the sand moment, or rock bottom or anything like that?
Speaker 2:For sure. I was just drinking very heavily from when I was maybe 14 until almost 30. I was 29 years old and I was drinking three to five nights a week, to the point of blacking out. There was no just drinking casually. I'm drinking to forget my name basically every single time and I don't know. I think I just sort of got tired of it. I had this moment one night when I was out where I just had this thought and I don't know if it's like God universe, whatever you believe in, but just this thought of out where I just had this thought and I don't know if it's like God universe, whatever you believe in, but just this thought of like, if I keep behaving this way and drinking this way, I will eventually die. It's not sustainable. I was just in a lot of unsafe environments hanging around with people who were not good for me. I'm at after hours till noon the next day. It was just really chaotic and I ended up going through a really bad breakup around 2019, where my partner was also my best friend of five, six years before we started dating and when we broke up, I lost 90% of my friend group. I just lost my entire world at the same time and it was maybe a week after that breakup that I went out and I got blackout drunk again, and the depression was just so much worse the next day that I was like I'm this, I can't do this anymore. I was just over it. So I, of all things, found this carousel post on Instagram with a 30-day self self care challenge, and so I was just like I'm going to do this challenge and try to feel better about my life and I did that and it just felt really good to do other things like yoga and meditation and eating healthier and just doing other things that were good for me. And that's kind of what set me off on this path. And from that point, I would say I drank very rarely, but I still had moments where I would drink heavily and that kind of moment in 2020 where I quit for good.
Speaker 2:So this is a year later. I had met my who's now my husband but at the time we were just dating and we were very early on in our relationship and he had never seen me even get drunk before because at this point I wasn't really drinking and I invited him over to my parents' house for my mom's birthday and it was his first time meeting extended family and I got blackout drunk. And the next day he just lovingly said to me I'd never seen you that way and you weren't acting like yourself and I didn't feel safe with you and it was just this approach. I guess, in the way that he was saying it to me, he wasn't judging me, he wasn't trying to shame me. It was like he was talking to me with love and also just that, that stark reality of somebody saying you are two completely different people when you get that drunk versus when I'm with you sober and I don't feel safe with you. That that just made me quit for good.
Speaker 2:So from that moment on, I haven't drank. I haven't had more than half a drink in one one single night. Isn't it wild? What?
Speaker 1:alcohol does to you A toy with that whole. You say things when you're drunk and then you go back and you're like, oh well, I didn't mean that. So some people think that those real you comes out, but I I don't know if I agree with that, I just remember their. Dr jackal and mr hyde is two completely different people. Like I, I'm a different person when I get that drunk and I don't like it and I don't like waking up feeling like I what did I do? What did I say? Who did I hurt? It's a shitty, shitty feeling.
Speaker 1:So the way he approached you I, that's such a cause most people would just be like dude. I remember my, my daughter's dad. He and I when we got together we would drink. That was all we did. I was already drinking but we would drink, smoke, some weed. That's when I started smoking weed really like getting into it and I would become a different person. But I would push myself to that limit of blackout. And I just remember at some point he made me so mad. Now he was very let's go back and say he was very manipulative and was doing other things that I didn't know about hard drugs. But I loved him so much that when he he didn't do it in that way, that loving way, but I remember him saying because I went to put hands on him and I slapped him and I just remember him saying look, I love you, but if you ever fucking do that again, I'm out. And it was just that, oh, somebody calling me out and making me feel like I was going to lose something I think is what did it for me Now, and shortly after that I got knocked up so I can't drink with a baby anyway.
Speaker 1:So I had a good nine, 10 months to think about it and it's I've had some slip ups, I think, and it's I've had some slip ups, I think, since her, since having her. She turned 12 yesterday. But I just look back and I feel bad for the things that I put people through when I was in those states of mind, but at the same time, part of me is glad that I've already been through that, because now, my later years, the thing like the people who really matter not saying that he didn't matter, but the people and the relationships and the things that are worth really working for I feel like I'm not, I don't have to worry about that being a problem anymore. So hearing your story makes me think about that kind of moment. For me, right before becoming a mother, that was, that was my moment.
Speaker 1:But what, what do you have to say to the person who somebody's's come into mind and I'm not going to say his or her name, but somebody that I know, that I care about, who I know is that type of person who hates their job, lives for the weekends. And then every time I talk to this person, if it's on the weekend, I know this person's getting shit-faced. That's what they do every weekend. They come to the gym on Friday by Friday night. They's getting shit-faced. That's what they do every weekend. They come to the gym on Friday by Friday night. They're getting shit-faced Saturday, sunday won't come to the gym on Monday, type thing. And they were just up front with me.
Speaker 1:I'm drinking on the weekends. I don't remember anything, but there's a part of me that sees such good in this person and sees such fucking potential in this person, but they can't get out of their own way. They're so addicted to that. That's what we do in the weekends culture, because that's such a thing here, and you being in texas, you the barbecue, the drinks. I love the whole atmosphere of it, but I don't like how people ride on the drinking part of it. So I'm curious to the person who is like kind of tinkering on the line of well, am I sober curious, do I need alcohol? This is just what we do every weekend. What are, what are your tips? Or maybe something, some kind of words of wisdom for them? Because it is, you can be so happy without getting fucked up all the time y'all, and it's really good because you remember the things you do while you're having fun too. But what do you have any anything from the heart for them? Because it's hard.
Speaker 2:It's hard making that step and being normal or not, doing something that's outside of the norm, which in some places, partying every weekend is normal it's really challenging because there's this fear of I'm gonna be missing out, I'm not going to have fun, I'm not going to be able to participate in things, and I think it's a little bit of a mindset shift in that, when it comes to that, rather than thinking of what I'm going to miss out on, just think about I'm not missing out. I get to be present for these situations, so I get to go to these events and actually remember them. I like to say that now I'm making memories instead of losing them. You're now going to actually be able to remember the things that you're experiencing. Other tips around this is one just think about how alcohol is showing up in your life and think about who you want to be and if those two things are aligning. And at the end of the day, nobody can make that decision for you, nobody can change that for you. It's something that you have to reflect on in your own self.
Speaker 2:So ask yourself why do I drink? Why am I drinking to the point of blackout? What am I trying to escape? What am I or who am I drinking to the point of blackout? What am I trying to escape? What am I or who am I trying to become. For me it was. I'm very quiet, I'm very shy, I'm introverted. Alcohol to me was a way to come out of my shell and and be more out there, but to my detriment, because I was being way too reckless and over the top right. So it's like how alcohol in some way does help us.
Speaker 2:So it's kind of identifying why am I drinking to this point? What am I getting out of it? And can you be brave enough to try to step into that or experience that sober? Because it's so freeing to think I had this huge fear around speaking up and being myself and being outgoing. Alcohol is just getting you in some way, but it's not allowing you to step into your full potential by expressing that part of yourself sober, right. So think about how much freedom you're going to have doing that sober.
Speaker 2:And then to your point about it people saying that how you behave drunk is how you actually are. I's not to say that that's not who we are, because our shadow self or ego selves are a part of us, but that's not who we want to be all the time, right. So it's like, do you really want to identify with that part of you or do you want to identify with a more fulfilled, actualized, embodied version of yourself. So really it's just a lot of deep emotional work. It's a lot of mindset work. If you do have access to therapy or things like that, I always suggest it and recommend it. But it's really just asking yourself the really tough questions and then deciding who you want to be. And if that's, if alcohol is the way to get there, then by all means keep doing you. But more often than not it's moderation or it's sobriety, or it's being brave enough to step into a different version of yourself, absolutely.
Speaker 1:And I feel like we've talked a lot about the social aspect, the mental health aspect, the personally growing from being sober, sober, curious, moderating. But Now this is just from my physical fitness journey and my body telling me when I do drink because I get headaches and I can I can just have a beer and I'll have a headache, and now I know that's because I don't drink often anymore. But we haven't touched base on any of the physical damage that it's actually doing to your body. Do you know much about that? I know that a lot of us reach for a drink when we're stressed out, but I've heard that as the same with coffee, it actually produces cortisol and it makes you more stressed out because it's damaging your body. That's something I didn't think about over time, the damage it was doing to my body. So what do you? Do you know anything about that? Or even if it's just based on your personal experience?
Speaker 2:I know a little bit about it for sure, alcohol spikes your cortisol. So, as you said, a lot of people do reach for alcohol when they're feeling anxious or nervous, and it does temporarily relieve your anxiety because it's suppressing it. But once you are no longer feeling a little bit tipsy or drunk, that anxiety is going to come back stronger, and then that's how people end up in the cycle of gotta have another drink, gotta have another drink, or you have to drink more each time because you're always chasing that feeling right and then it just you need to end up needing to drink more and more every time. But the other thing about alcohol is it disrupts your sleep. So if I used to think that because I was getting blackout drunk, I'm like passing out cold and I'm able to sleep like I'm having a good sleep, because I have trouble sleeping sometimes but you're actually not getting a restful sleep because your brain is never able to reach REM state, your brain actually stays awake and active, even just with one alcoholic beverage, and then what that does is it makes you more tired, more lethargic the next day. So you're talking about your fitness and that kind of lifestyle. That is not as easy to do when you're somebody who's drinking all the time.
Speaker 2:Maybe you have the discipline and you're going to the gym still, and that's great, but I'm sure on some level they know that they're not performing to their fullest potential because they feel lethargic, they feel anxious, they're feeling all of these things and the less you drink, the more you're going to feel energized, the more you're going to be able to move through your emotions. Because, let's face it, if you have anxiety, you're probably going to have anxiety even if you're not drinking, but it's going to lessen and you're going to have the capacity to actually deal with the emotions and move through them instead of suppressing them. So I don't know, for me personally, this sober, curious journey hasn't been so I can reach this fully perfect, realized version of myself. It's just so I can actually have the capacity to deal with my life in a healthy way. To deal with my life in a healthy way.
Speaker 2:But you do get all those other benefits of less anxiety, more energy you're able to. Your body is able to process things better, because there's the more obvious things like liver health and heart health. The more you're drinking, those things are are damaged. Your liver can't clean your body properly and filter things properly because it's so busy just processing the alcohol. So you will definitely see health benefits if if moderation is something that you consider now not to mention all the money y'all can save.
Speaker 1:Y'all I don't know what booze are running these days, but I I know that just the economy in general. Right now everything's so expensive, which I guess is why people drink, because everybody's so stressed out, because the world feels like it's a dumpster fire right now. But that's where my mind goes to the, the transactions.
Speaker 2:There's no telling how much I've spent on alcohol and the cocktails these days are like 15, 20 sometimes at certain bars that were the mocktails yeah, like what You're going to penalize me for not having alcohol.
Speaker 1:I just want some damn juice.
Speaker 2:And.
Speaker 1:I just want it to be pretty. So one thing that when you were saying that about the sleep, my husband is big on a glass of Maker's Mark before bed and he is convinced that it helps him sleep or that it's going to help him get to sleep. And after hearing that, I totally disagree because he, for instance, today I don't know if he had any last night, maybe he didn't last night, but he's he always wakes up tired, he's like I didn't sleep, I can't sleep, it's because alcohol is a.
Speaker 2:It's a depressant, so it does slow us down, it makes you feel more lethargic. So there's this alcohol is a it's a depressant, so it does slow us down, it makes you feel more lethargic. So there's this idea that I'm going to have a better sleep because after the end of a night of drinking, you're you feel so physically tired that you just pass out, but your brain stays active all night, even with just one alcoholic beverage. So that's why you'll wake up feeling dysregulated and tired, and then also any emotions that you were suppressing the night before are going to come back tenfold, which is a lot.
Speaker 1:That makes sense. Well, I think we should talk about what you've got coming up. I know you mentioned you're working on your book. What is this book going to be about? And then, if we can talk a little bit about how people can find you, reach you and work with you?
Speaker 2:Sure, so I don't know. Anyone who's maybe tried to write a book or write a book probably knows that you changed the idea of it 8 million times. So right now it's at the heart of. It is a personal growth book and it's partially about my journey, but also shares a lot of like and and tips and resources for people to move forward. And it's partially about my journey, but also shares a lot of like and and tips and resources for people to move forward, and it's using things like gratitude and personal development and manifestation to kind of life forward.
Speaker 2:Um like tidbits about my journey from binge drinking to living sober. Curiously, um terms of where people can find me, my Instagram is probably the best place. It's Leanna Sips on Gratitude. The blog is currently undergoing a rebrand so I'm hoping to get it up there soon, but essentially the website will show resources and blog posts around sober, curiosity, mindset, personal development and my hope is to share sober events in different cities so people can have access to things that they want to attend. I have a free community that is linked in my bio on Instagram and I run different things in there, and if people are ever in Toronto this spring and summer, I usually do in-person events there. My hopes is to maybe have some in-person events in Austin if I come back here again next winter. For now partnering with people in different cities and kind of their events on my website, so depending where you are, I might have something listed there. Come to Mississippi.
Speaker 1:Come to. Mississippi. How is Canada? I've always wanted to visit, never been canada's great.
Speaker 2:I'm not to get political, but depending what people's politics are, I know it's a bit of a hot mess right now in the us, so it's a little bit chiller in canada, you don't have to worry about. I'm also physically chiller in can, so that's the downside, is it's colder.
Speaker 1:I was going to say I think how cold it is there right now and I'm like I can't complain about it being cold here.
Speaker 2:That's the annoying thing about Canada it's unlike the US. I feel like the US. You can have a cold climate. You can have a hot climate, Whatever you prefer, you can just go to a different state. And Canada it's kind of. You know, it's probably the warmest province, but it still has winter, um. But there's elements, there's parts of Vancouver where it's a bit warmer, but aside from that we do get pretty brutal winters, um. But spring and summer and even fall is great Um recommend people come and come up North.
Speaker 1:Just make sure it's warm. Okay, do you have any? Any last words, like I like to call it? You know with what's on your heart, because throughout the conversation sometimes things come through or you're just like I don't know. You saw a quote this morning, or just whatever. Whatever Leanna has as final words for my listeners would be great.
Speaker 2:I would say just don't be afraid to tap into your own intuition and ask yourself the hard questions. I think about myself personally. When I was heavy in this party girl identity, I had this like very like rough, tough exterior of like yeah, bad bitch, I can drink every day, I can do whatever I want. You can't tell me anything like this. Very like people were talking about sobriety. It's like the user, whatever. Like so much resistance, so much resistance and you if, if, that's still what's helping you get through life, like totally get it.
Speaker 2:But you don't have to be that way with yourself. So if there's like a quiet moment when you're at home, like get out a journal and just be real with yourself and just be honest and ask yourself, like is this who I want to be? Like, do I have this, this identity, this facade? Like is it helping me? Who do I actually want to be? Like, start asking yourself those tough questions, because I get that that identity and that attitude is helping you externally and you're in the real world. But for me it was like emotionally and internally. So if you could just take some time to ask yourself those tough questions and get clear, eventually you can slowly break those walls down and break through through that identity and I promise that you could still be a bad bitch, you could still have fun, you could still be cool. Like it does not end when you stop drinking. It actually just just gets better.
Speaker 1:You just have to be brave enough to get honest with yourself and have those tough conversations you said something that I thought when you were saying it, and that's getting honest, like actual honesty, like ask the questions but answering them honestly is what truly like shift your identity and, and it's true, y'all Like party girl here too, like we're fucked up. I don't remember my name, type stuff you were talking about. Oh, I, there's places in Philadelphia, pennsylvania I think I'm probably still not allowed back then Because I was just wild, absolutely wild. But I would say, take it from you know, like us who are out here doing it, doing it, have done, have already went through the party thing that it. You don't miss it as much as you think you will, especially when you find your community, like you were saying and here's the thing for me like I didn't have that community, so I built it, and now I have, I have it, I've brought it to me.
Speaker 1:I would also like to just say that you get a lot more done whenever you release that habit, like all the time that you spend doing that. Just imagine the time that you could be connecting with other people, you know, helping other people, workshops and your events and stuff. So much can be done with that extra time that we, in my opinion, looking back now, waste wasted. You know I had to experience that so I would know how life is and how good it can be without it. But I don't think that you'll miss it as much as you think you'll miss it to the person listening who's like I don't, yeah, you won't miss it whenever It'll be hard at first.
Speaker 1:Like you said, you do lose your friends, your circle. You find out. You find out who's there for the right reasons and who's there for the wrong reasons, and that part sucks. Would you agree that it really does hurt, like it feels like a breakup, when you lose all your friends and you're like oh, and it finally hits you. They don't don't, okay, so they're not my real friends, they are my party friends and it's so different than like that, that one-on-one connection you can have with a person and spill your soul in about 20 minutes versus and it's, it sucks. It's it sucks, but like it's up but there's so many podcasts out there.
Speaker 2:There's like people you can follow on Instagram. There's totally online communities that you can tap into in the interim and that was really helpful for me. I was early in that phase, but for sure, you get through that hump and then life just gets so much better.
Speaker 1:So I'm going to leave it with what my mom told me whenever I experienced my first breakup and this will forever stick with me. Okay, Told me that when you find yourself in those moments when you're heartbroken, when you feel alone and like you want to reach reach for the phone to call that person, or you want to reach for, in this case, the bottle or whatever your vice may be she told me she was like, as long as you're sitting and thinking about it, like that keeps you so stuck and it's getting yourself out of that thought. And what I know now is when you're in your head too much, thinking too much, you need to be more in your body. This is what she told me when my breakup. She's like every time you think about him, do something different. Just go do something, do something. I was like like what she's like? I don't know, go make a fucking pot of macaroni. You can't like, you have to just go do something, disrupt the cycle.
Speaker 1:And so in the beginning you were giving everybody tips I'm like to do, and maybe that's the time that you go and you get curious and you're like oh well, he's really cool trail I've always wanted to hike. And. And then what did you say earlier? Making memories, not losing them? Exactly, yes, or I don't know. You go paint a picture or whatever. But it's very interesting how our society has completely made something so, and it can be very toxic. It has its good things, you know, in the Bible wine and all the things, but it's become so normal that not drinking is not normal. It's so interesting how society has done that. You know what I mean. It's so interesting how society has done that. You know what I mean. It's very interesting. But it's really refreshing to see people like you and to see I'm seeing it in younger people too, Like there were generations.
Speaker 2:They're like, ah, starting out super curious and I'm like what I know.
Speaker 1:It's weird. I'm like what are these kids doing? What are y'all doing for fun? Weird. But maybe people like you and other people who are raising the awareness are actually making a difference. It seems like you are. I'm doing amazing work, woman.
Speaker 2:Oh, I appreciate it.
Speaker 1:It's weird talking to another introverted, shy person.
Speaker 2:I know it's like I received a compliment.
Speaker 1:That's something I have to work on for sure.
Speaker 1:Right, I'm still working through that too, for sure, but it's been so great talking to you today. I'm really glad we got to do it so much and I've enjoyed it very much. I enjoy whenever a woman of your stature just takes her time to talk with me, to share your expertise and to give back to my listeners, who are just amazing, absolutely amazing. All over the world, people are going to be listening to this and I really hope that the people who hear it, who need to hear it, receive it and just do the damn thing. Just do it. You don't have to drink. There's so many more opportunities for growth out there. I hope that they find that and I hope that they go and find you. I'm going to go binge on your content for a little bit. Not creepy at all. Love it, thank you again. Thanks so much. All right To everybody. Thank you, leanna. I've been talking shit. I think we talked about a lot of shit today and I had a good time. How about you?
Speaker 2:I had a great time Good. I had a great time and I hope people found value in it and I found value in it just sharing and chatting with you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's so cool how, the more you share your story like I don't know, you start to realize how everything that's happened had to happen the way it did, and it's super cool that it led to like particular moment and you got to talk to me and I got to talk to you, and I just think that's so cool. All right, well, I'll catch you later. Thanks again, bye.
