Just Women Talking Shit
Just Women Talking Shit is your go-to self-help podcast for real talk on personal & spiritual growth. Hosted by Jacquelynn Cotten, personal evolution mentor & founder of Spiritual Support System, this podcast features juicy interviews with badass, one-of-a-kind women. We dive deep into the good 💩, bad 💩, weird 💩, & life 💩, offering insights & inspiration to help you live a more authentic, fulfilled life. Join us for relatable stories, expert advice, & practical tips on overcoming challenges, building resilience, & embracing your true self. Tune in & start your journey towards personal evolution today!
Just Women Talking Shit
The Brutal Truth About Self-Love
Ready for some unfiltered truth about self-love? Forget the Instagram-worthy bubble baths and calming candles—this episode tears down the facade of performative self-care to reveal what loving yourself actually requires.
Self-love isn't a vibe or an aesthetic—it's a practice built on radical honesty and keeping promises to yourself. When you post about "boundaries" but still answer texts from people who drain you, when you claim to deserve better but continue settling, you're not practicing self-love—you're lying to yourself.
True self-respect requires four essential elements: radical honesty about your habits and choices, keeping your word to yourself (because if you don't trust you, why should anyone else?), knowing when to walk away even from people you love, and creating internal safety rather than seeking validation from outside sources. These aren't comfortable practices, but they build the foundation for genuine confidence.
The episode provides practical habits you can implement immediately, including making a daily non-negotiable list (pick just one promise and keep it), speaking to yourself with respect, doing something inconvenient that honors your future self, and tracking the gap between what you want versus what you tolerate. Self-love isn't built on dopamine hits—it's forged in moments of discomfort and difficult choices.
Your new mantra? "I am no longer abandoning myself just to make other people comfortable. I trust myself to keep my word. I will stop shrinking into smaller spaces that I've outgrown." Because genuine self-love isn't soft—it's fierce, and it's about choosing yourself over and over until it becomes second nature. Ready to stop abandoning yourself? This episode shows you how.
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Ladies and gentlemen, you're listening to Just Women Talking Shit with your host, jacqueline Cotton. Welcome back to Just Women Talking Shit. Today we're going to go over the no bullshit guide to self-love your blunt, practical and radically honest look at what it really takes to love yourself. So if you're new here, welcome, welcome, welcome. You should just go ahead and know that on Just Women Talking Shit, the sugarcoating gets left at the door. And today's episode, a no bullshit guide to self-love. It's not the pinterest board version, okay, it's not the just take a bath and light a candle version. I'm talking radical self-respect, emotional honesty and actions that build real ass confidence. This is self-love with grit, with edge, with guts. So if you're tired of feeling like you're performing for the world while abandoning yourself behind the scenes, this is your episode. Let's talk about what self-love isn't and take a moment to send this episode to somebody that is near and dear to you or just comes to mind, because that's going to let them know that you care about them and that you want them to love themselves more. This would be a good time to send it to that person you care about. But let's talk about what self-love is and let's just go ahead and rip off the band-aid. Self-love is not a vibe, honest to God, it is a practice. It's not about being positive all the time and it's not about always being comfortable. It's about being honest. Ok, if your self-love is only showing up when you're posting selfies, that is not self-love, that is branding. If you're calling it air quotes, boundaries, but you're still answering calls from people who drain you, then you're lying to yourself. And if you're saying I deserve better, but still settling, then you don't believe in yourself yet. So self-love isn't about protecting your peace, it's about earning it. Okay, let's talk about some real stuff. Like I don't know what self-love is.
Speaker 1:First up, we've got radical honesty. I cannot express to you how important it is that you stop lying to yourself. You got to stop lying about your habits, stop lying about your relationships, stop lying about your choices, and you've got to stop blaming your past, your ex, your job, whatever it is that is coming in in into your forefront of your mind as to being the excuse as to why you are stuck and not loving yourself fully. You've got to set, take a step back and just look into like, look in the mirror, right, like we can't keep falling back on old excuses. So self-love really is like saying I see what's broken and I'm not scared to rebuild, which can be really scary. Right, it's scary to be scared, it's scary to have to start over. It's scary to look in the mirror and say, oh actually, so yeah, kind of, I kind of got to take responsibility for this. It's not easy, it's not, you know, always comfortable, but it's necessary.
Speaker 1:So, outside of radical honesty, you've got keeping your own word. So, for instance, if you say you're going to go to the gym, then go. If you say you're going to stop texting somebody because they're no good for you, they're toxic, they hurt your heart, you can't be yourself around them or they bring you down, your vibration is so low Say you're going to stop texting them, then stop. You've got to keep your own word, because if you don't have your word, what do you have? If you don't trust you, nobody else will. It goes back to keeping your own word. If you can't keep your own word, why should anyone else hold you to your word? Why should they put you up on a pedestal? Why should they trust you? Because you don't trust you. You won't even keep the word to yourself. You don't keep your own promises.
Speaker 1:Number three walking away. You've got to know when to walk away. You got to be able to walk away even when it's hard, even when you love them, because love doesn't always mean staying, but love means choosing you right. And then number four creating safety within. This is something I've struggled with for a long time. No one else should have to make you feel valid, worthy or lovable and we do this with people, we do this with resources, we do this with activities. We do this with going places, with spending money, with words of affirmation, right, with mindless scrolling activities, stuff like that. But you've got to be able to create safety within, meaning that you know you're valid, you know you're worthy, you know you're lovable. You don't need outside or external resources to tell you that you build that shit. You build safety inside first, every day, but we tend to go outside ourselves to find all that. So this is shit that I wish I would have known a long time ago.
Speaker 1:Let's do like a little self-love audit and I want you to ask yourself these questions. Let's start with number one. Where am I abandoning myself for comfort or approval? Might be a good opportunity for you to write this stuff down. You could say it out loud, you could say it in your head. But where am I abandoning myself for comfort or approval? Where are you dimming your shine? Where are you not using your voice? Where are you just kind of taking the back burner in life?
Speaker 1:Number two what boundary do I keep breaking with myself? For me, it can be food man. I, I'm not gonna eat that cookie. I'm gonna eat eight of them. It's a boundary. It's a boundary that I cross. I gotta, I gotta keep my word to myself, right. But what are some boundaries maybe in relationships and friendships and co-working relationships that you keep saying you're going to keep? You know, maybe I'm not going to text him because we broke up, but you text him when you're lonely. What lie? This is number three. What lie am I tired of telling about who I am or what I want? That's really deep. I would love to hear what comes out whenever you ask yourself these questions. You can write me in the DMs at Jacqueline Cotton. You can write us on the show's account at Just Women Talking Shit Both of these are on Instagram. Or you can even send us an email at jwtspodcast at gmailcom. You can even send us a voice message when you go to our podcast website, if you go to justwomantalkingshitcom, you now have the option to send voice memos, or you can record a voice through Instagram or email as well.
Speaker 1:Number four where am I outsourcing my peace? Oh, where am I outsourcing my peace? And the number five if I acted like I was already enough, what would I stop doing today? I love that one so much. Where are you over giving? Where are you seeking approval? Where are you feeling like you're not enough? And if you were enough, would you send that text message? Would you keep going to that job? Would you keep whatever, whatever, whatever. I would quit worrying about money, I would quit trying to chase it so much, which I could do that at any time, right? So, basically, awareness is the starting line. It's not the finish.
Speaker 1:Let's talk about self-love in real life. Five practical habits One stop negotiating with chaos. Two, make a daily non-negotiable list. Three, speak to yourself like someone you deeply respect. Four do something inconvenient that honors your future self. And then five track what you actually want versus what you tolerate. So let's start with number one negotiating with chaos. You don't owe anyone access to your nervous system. If it costs your inner peace, it's like it's way too expensive, right? Number two make a daily, non-negotiable list. You can pick literally just one habit, one boundary or one promise. Keep it simple, but just keep it. I think that's what's important here. Start showing up for yourself like you do for everybody else. That is true self-love. When you start showing up for yourself like you do for everybody else, that is true self-love. When you start showing up for yourself like you do for everyone else around you. Number three speak to yourself like someone you deeply respect.
Speaker 1:This one was really hard for me because I'd catch myself going you know, I'm so stupid, I can't do this. I'm always messing it up. I can't do this, I'm always messing it up. But the reality was what, like? Who, who, who told me that? Who made me believe that? So replace it with you know truth, and maybe not fluff, but truth like okay, instead of I'm stupid, I'm learning. Instead of I can't do this, I'm trying. Instead of I always mess it up, I'm still in this. So it's not necessarily about you know, trying to be toxic, positive with yourself, but just being honest, saying okay, no, like I'm not stupid, I'm actually I'm learning. Yeah, that makes sense. It's not that I can't do this. I'm trying, I'm still learning Right.
Speaker 1:Number four do something inconvenient that honors your future self. This could be something as simple as waking up earlier, moving your body or eating something that's super good and nourishing, instead of making poorer choices that are not going to support your future self. Self-love is built in discomfort. It is not built in dopamine. And then, number five track what you actually want versus what you tolerate. Do your actions match your values Really? Stop and think about it. Do your habits support your vision? Do you feel proud of how you treat yourself? And here's the hardest pill to swallow If you don't love yourself, it's your job to change it. Because here's the thing nobody's coming to save you.
Speaker 1:Self-love is not just soft, it's fierce, okay. It's not all about the bubble baths and the getting your toes done and the massages, and no, it's about choosing yourself over and over again until it becomes second nature. It's saying this isn't working and I'm brave enough to fucking do something about it, right? So here's your new self-love mantra. Babes, Are you ready for it? Are you ready for it? Okay, you ready for it? All right, here it is you ready? I am no longer abandoning myself just to make other people comfortable. I trust myself to keep my word. I will stop shrinking into smaller spaces that I've outgrown. Say that shit like you. Mean it every single day.
