Just Women Talking Shit
Just Women Talking Shit is your go-to self-help podcast for real talk on personal & spiritual growth. Hosted by Jacquelynn Cotten, personal evolution mentor & founder of Spiritual Support System, this podcast features juicy interviews with badass, one-of-a-kind women. We dive deep into the good 💩, bad 💩, weird 💩, & life 💩, offering insights & inspiration to help you live a more authentic, fulfilled life. Join us for relatable stories, expert advice, & practical tips on overcoming challenges, building resilience, & embracing your true self. Tune in & start your journey towards personal evolution today!
Just Women Talking Shit
Ep 84: Unlocking True Happiness Through Self-Discovery: Exploring Identity Beyond Labels
What if understanding your identity could be the key to unlocking true happiness and fulfillment? This episode of "Just Women Talking Shit" dives into the transformative process of discovering who we truly are beyond societal labels and roles. Jaclyn Cotton, our host, shares the inspiring origin story of the podcast, born out of the isolation of the COVID-19 pandemic and approaching its 100th episode. We explore the profound questions surrounding identity—how it forms, influences our happiness, and the introspective journey toward understanding our true selves.
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Growing up as the oldest of six children, Jaclyn faced numerous labels that shaped her self-perception, from "shy" to "weird." She recounts a poignant experience from high school that left her feeling invisible and depressed, highlighting the complex journey of reclaiming one’s voice. Through personal stories and reflections, we examine the powerful impact of self-discovery in overcoming societal expectations and past traumas. This episode is a call to action for those feeling unfulfilled, offering a roadmap to differentiate between identity and self-image, and nurturing a vibrant, evolving sense of self.
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As we journey through the process of aligning identity with happiness, the importance of reassessing our beliefs and actions becomes clear. Jaclyn touches on the significance of having a strong sense of self to fend off external criticisms and finding true purpose. We share inspiring stories of transformation, including the tale of Dresden, a former accountant turned successful entrepreneur. To cap it off, we present an exciting opportunity for personal growth with an announcement about the upcoming Spiritual Portal Retreat. Join us for an empowering episode that promises to guide you towards discovering your true self and finding fulfillment.
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Hello, hello, hello, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome. Today, we are going to be recording an episode of Just Women Talking Shit live through Instagram, so that all of my audience gets the amazing content in real time, and then I'll just go back and I'll upload the audio to Just Women Talking Shit, because why not? I just want to check a couple of things right quick, because why not? I just want to check a couple of things right quick. I feel some rain starting to drizzle. That would happen as soon as we get set up. That's okay, though. I just want to make sure that we are live and that our sound is coming through. Okay, okay, all right, we're fine. Cool, how cool is that? Well, hello, hello. So, if you're new here, my name is Jaclyn Cotton and I am the host of Just Women Talking Shit. I started this podcast as just a labor of love. It was an experiment.
Speaker 1:During COVID, I, like most people, as a mom, had no one to talk to. We were stuck at home, and not only was you know, I'm a mom, also a new stepmom, but then I had a baby and I just felt super alone, and so I was like I've always wanted to be like like Ricky Lake I don't know if any of you know who Ricky Lake is Maybe I'm dating myself a little bit but when I was a little girl, I knew I wanted to have some sort of show, and so during the shutdowns I said you know what, fuck it. And I still have the picture of the first day, the first episode that I was recording. I was interviewing someone, and I'll just never forget the moment. And so if you have a dream or a desire on your heart and you're like, oh yeah, but I don't know where to get started, just get started. And you're like, oh yeah, but I don't know where to get started, just get started. Here we are on episode 84. By the end of this year, we will have recorded a hundred episodes, and in January 2025, I'm flying to Chicago to celebrate with one of my best friends she's also my coach and my mentor to celebrate this hundredth episode, and it's going to be a really, really cool story to share all this with you, because it taps into what we're talking about today.
Speaker 1:Today, we are going to deep dive into the concept of identity. What is identity? Have you ever stopped to think about this? Do you ever stop to think about who am I? What am I doing here? What's my purpose? What role am I supposed to fulfill? I know I do all the time as far as, like, I don't want to just be a mom and a wife Like who was I before that? And for some of us, we don't actually know who we were before becoming a parent, before becoming a partner, right? So today we are really going to deep dive into the concept of identity what it is, how it forms and how it influences your overall happiness. Ok, it's going to be so good, I'm so excited.
Speaker 1:The purpose of this episode will set the stage for our next discussion, where we will explore and this is going to be one that y'all if you have not went to subscribe or follow the show yet Just Women Talking Shit we are available on pretty much anywhere, wherever you get your podcasts. So if you want to go to Apple Spotify, wherever you're going to find us, wherever you get your podcasts, so if you want to go to Apple Spotify wherever you're going to find us, and if you have not followed yet, so that you get alerts when a new podcast episode airs, you really want to go ahead and do that right now. And here's why because if you only listen to one episode. It's going to be the next episode that you want to listen to Because, for anyone who is trying to figure life out, maybe you have checked all the boxes and you're doing all the right things, but you're still just like. You know what I feel like there's more to me than this. I feel like I'm capable of more, like I'm meant for more, like I want to do more outside these four walls. The next episode is going to be for you. Okay, all right, because that's where we're going to explore the identity, work and go over the transformative power. I'll actually walk you through what it is and how to do it. Okay, all right, all right. So first let me share a personal story that really highlights the importance of understanding who you are and how everything shapes everything in your life. I mean how knowing who you are shapes everything in your life.
Speaker 1:When I was little, a little girl I'm the oldest of six children. When I was a little girl six children when I was a little girl, I remember people, even my mom people, telling me who I was. You're too much. You know. I'm not the only one that feels that way. You are this, you are this. I remember times, people telling me you're a bitch and I'm not the only one that thinks that. And I just always thought to myself okay well, where are these other people, where are they and why aren't they telling me? And there was just this, this point in time, where I completely had to ask myself am I this person? Am I all the bad things and the characteristics and the traits that this person is telling me I am Cause I don't feel like I am, or could it be that that's not my identity? I'm being told what I am. So identity work is super important in every person's journey, every person's journey. No matter where you are in your journey, identity work can be super, super, super helpful for you.
Speaker 1:So for me, I remember being the quiet girl, the shy girl. I remember people telling me how to feel who I was. Now, a lot of this probably stem a lot of it probably did stem from the fact that I was deeply afraid of people assuming that I was the same kind of person that my family was, because where I grew up good old Dixie, mississippi. Now, I did move around a lot as a kid, but I say where I grew up because this is the time where I spent the most amount of consistent time somewhere and I have the most memories there, the most traumatic memories there too. But I just remember being the shy girl. I was labeled the shy girl, I was labeled the weird girl, and so I believe these things, I believed them at a very young age and I believe them because of the fact that, I mean, I didn't know any better story would be whenever I and this is when I really knew, like this is when I knew, I knew. I knew, I knew that nobody noticed who I was and that I was the ghost and the silent girl and the girl who nobody really remembered.
Speaker 1:I remember sitting in class one day and I was now, this was in high school, this was in high school and I we had like a what are they called Substitute teacher. Right, we had a substitute teacher that day. And now let me remind you some of these kids, some of these kids I had been attending school with since elementary, so I would say fourth, fourth grade, fifth grade, somewhere around there. So some of these kids I've been in school with for five years and the substitute called my name one day. And this was the funny part too when we're talking about identity stuff, because now I don't know who's seen Key and Peele, but there's.
Speaker 1:There's this one skit where the substitute teacher is calling names Right, and it's like the most obvious names, but he's saying them all wrong, right, and Jacqueline is one of them. And so in high school I would always hear Jaqueline and wonder why nobody's calling my name. And it's because at one I didn't identify with Jaqueline, but two, it was really kind of embarrassing. It was embarrassing that when nobody was even saying, oh yeah, she's in this class, because, again, I was, I was the quiet girl, I was the shy girl, right, and I identify with that, because there were these situations that in those moments where I wasn't recognized, I was like, oh yeah, I am the shy girl, I am the girl that's not noticed, I am weird, and it just reaffirmed that. But what hurt my feelings was somebody, finally, one day after the teacher called my name several times. Again, I don't know, I'm not going to identify as Jaquay Leonard, anyway, they finally got Jacqueline and somebody goes, oh, or anyway, they finally got Jacqueline and somebody goes, oh yeah, no, I don't think she's in this class, or we don't have anybody in the name in the class by that name and my feelings were just like really fucking hurt, because I was like what the fuck I'm a person like now. Should I have stood up and like, been like, yeah, here I am. And like I could have flipped the narrative and I could have been like oh, here I am, you lucky people.
Speaker 1:But I was so wrapped up in and consumed with my depression, my anxiety, the really crazy shit going on at home, that I continued to fall into this shy role, this unnoticed. I don't have power, can't use my voice role, right, I don't have power, can't use my voice role, right. So I realized at a very young age and I realized through other situations, like if I was ever at a birthday party or anything like that that people would walk up to me and go what's wrong? What's wrong with you? Why you look so sad? What's wrong? Who are you mad at? Who don't need to go beat up? And I'm like this is just my face. Like I didn't know what resting bitch face was as a kid or as a teenager, right, we didn't know about this until later on, and I was like, oh God, I've had resting bitch face most of my life.
Speaker 1:And so there were these moments where I started to realize that people are assuming an identity for me and I don't know that that's who I want to be. So I was picked on a lot and I did get voted once and I really think it was. I don't, I don't know, maybe I'm just a little blinded to how great I was as a young girl or what but I got voted for homecoming court and I remember being really fucking shocked because I was like all the weirdos must have united and said, okay, we feel sorry for this girl, but outside that I was like I was not a popular girl. Okay, I'm not even going to pretend like I was a popular girl and I'm definitely the girl who, after high school, peaked and all the football players who wouldn't have been caught dead with me or talking to me in high school they started reaching out. But it wasn't until after the fact that everybody started admitting we do like weird girls, we like the edgy girls, we like the emo girls, right, and that's who I was. I was quiet. I had like it's really funny. Actually I still have pretty much the same style as I did in high school, but I wear like band t-shirts and my hair was always parted down the middle or to the side and it was straight. And I've relatively had the same style most of my life.
Speaker 1:But it wasn't until it just wasn't until until I got out I got out of school that people started admitting to recognizing me, and that's when I really started to tap into who I was and figure out who I am, because I was so tired of people telling me who I was. I was so tired of you know, my mom telling me who I was or people making me feel like they knew who I was better than I did. And this really really started to show whenever I was in relationships with narcissists. Right, they, they know you better than you know yourself, somehow, and so we won't get into all that. But it it really became a mission of okay, well, who am I? Who am I with the opinions removed, who am I? Um, if I wasn't born into that family, if I wasn't put in these situations, if I wasn't born into this environment, like, who would I be? And that's where it got fun. That's where it got fun. So there are a few little stories.
Speaker 1:You don't have to be what you feel you were born into. It is your God-given birthright to explore your identity, and if you feel stuck in life right now, you may need to do some identity work. So what is identity? Let's start there. We're going to try to get this episode out, cranked out real quick, because I'm feeling the rain and, as much as I love it, my electronics don't.
Speaker 1:So what is identity? Identity refers to the characteristics, qualities, beliefs, right and roles that define who you are as an individual. Okay, it's the unique combination of your personal traits, values and experiences that shape how you see yourself and how others see you see yourself and how others see you. So if you are so wrapped up in how others see you, there is a good chance that you don't see yourself, that you don't know yourself to the core, to the itty bitty, gritty parts. You know, the ugly parts, the parts that we don't really talk about, and all of these things, all of these things encased, are what comprise you of who you are. Okay, what do you need? I'm live. You need to go. I've made it very, very evident that I'm busy, thank you.
Speaker 1:So, components of identity you got your beliefs right. We have our values, personality, the roles Okay, all of these things in combination with self-perception, right, and then we get into, you know, identity versus self-image. So what is all this? Components of identity. Let's start with beliefs. Beliefs are the ideas and the convictions that you hold is true. Okay, this is what you, to your core, subconsciously believe. So what you hold is true, and that will most certainly, most certainly, I can guarantee you. What you believe to be true on a subconscious level will guide your behavior and your decisions. So, if your identity does not feel that you are worthy, on a subconscious level, you are likely to create a life of chaos for yourself, a life of just unfortunate circumstances over and over and over again, because, on a subconscious level, that's what you believe you deserve Values, the principles and standards that are important to you, like honesty, kindness, ambition.
Speaker 1:Your personality Personality is the distinctive. My mind went a lot faster than my mouth can move for a second. Did y'all hear that? Some of you watching? Did you see that? I don't know what happened? But see, this is my personality right now Like I don't give a fuck. Personality see, this is my personality right now Like I don't give a fuck.
Speaker 1:Personality the distinctive patterns of thoughts, feelings and behaviors that make up your personal style. What is your personal style? Roles, the different hats you wear in life, such as a parent, partner, professional that contribute. Oh y'all, my nose itches. Hold on, it's like a real bad itch. It's going to look like I'm digging. I swear it's a scratch. That was a really itchy one. For those of you who are listening, maybe you want to go to my Instagram Spiritual Support System and watch this, because you will get to see me what it looks like. Pick my nose. But for those of you listening, it's just a very good visual or creative visual exercise for you. I can assure you that it was funny to watch, I'm sure.
Speaker 1:But your self-perception, let's get back on track. So we just talked about roles. These roles are going to contribute to your sense of self and this is why moms, so like moms, we get really caught up in just the one role and we think and we assume that's our identity. But that is why we are so we feel so not poured into, because we don't nourish the identity, we don't take care of the identity, we don't respect it and continue to let it evolve as we become mothers, and so we assume that being a mom and being a wife is our only identity, and so, of course, it's going to make sense, why we feel depressed and sad and just are deprived of that lackluster of life, right? So who are you outside of the roles? That's going to be where your identity is, but all these things form the identity.
Speaker 1:So let's talk a little bit about identity versus self-image before this rain really really starts coming down. While identity is about the core of who you are, self-image is more about how you perceive yourself. A lot of us struggle with self-image. A lot of us are very insecure and have low self-esteem, and it shows through how you portray your identity. So, while it is about the core of who you are, self-image is more about how you perceive yourself, often influenced by external factors like societal expectations and the feedback from others. So these are not the same thing. These are not the same thing. How is identity formed? Let's chat about that for a minute.
Speaker 1:One early influences We've got socialization and we've got life experiences. Identity Identity formation begins in childhood, y'all Heavily influenced by our family. I talk about this all the time in content, through culture, your immediate environment, the values and the beliefs that you're exposed to, that all of us are exposed to in our early years. You're exposed to that all of us are exposed to in our early years lay the foundation for who we become. Think about that. Socialization as we grow, our identity is further shaped by societal interactions. Think about that. What was your childhood like? What was your social life like? I didn't have one. I didn't know how to socialize.
Speaker 1:So it makes complete sense why I was such a late bloomer, why I was so socially awkward, why I've been on this, this extensive, ever evolving journey of figuring out how to socialize, how to communicate, how to be what is quote, unquote normal Right. So socialize, how to communicate, how to be what is quote, unquote normal right. So socialization as we grow, your identity is further shaped by these social interactions. So this means your friends, your education, the media that you watch and even your community. All of this plays a huge role in developing and molding who you are as an individual.
Speaker 1:And then you have your life experiences. This is a big one. This is a big one and this is one that really fucks us up. Now, I'm not saying the other two don't, but they tend to come with the early influences you know family, early experiences, life experiences. I know those still weigh on me. And then I think about the socialization still weighs on me. So these are all life experiences as well, but a major, you know, like major life events is what I'm mostly getting at. You know, like major life events is what I'm mostly getting at.
Speaker 1:But your major life events, relationships, your successes or lack of success, so your failures, we're thinking about those. All these things, all of these things contribute, all of them contribute to the evolution of your identity over time. And that's the thing time, time has a big factor in all of this. So, whenever you're trying to do identity work, whenever you're trying to evolve, when you are wanting to become a better, more fulfilled person, remember that you have to release the time, because who you are up until this point has been a lifetime of work. A lifetime of work. So the fixes are not going to happen overnight. The adjustments are not going to happen overnight. Your identity will not shift overnight. It's a dedication to life's work.
Speaker 1:Okay, so when we think about all these major life events, when we think about past relationships, when we think about all these major life events, we think about past relationships. We think about you know, succeeding. And when we think about failing, think about you know your life so far and how these things actually shaped the person you've become and how these things could also still be holding you back from the person you want to become. You picking up what I'm putting down because it's good, it's heavy, but it's good. So these experiences, these big life experiences, they can either reinforce right or sometimes feel like they take away from who you are. But the experiences can absolutely reinforce your existing identity or prompt you instead to reassess right.
Speaker 1:And some of us are in that phase where we're like, okay, well, you know, I say I want one thing and then I do another. I say I want success and wealth and the best friends ever, but then, like, my actions don't align with that. So when we go into, let me swivel my neck real quick y'all, oh, that felt good. But when we are saying we want to be somewhere else at a different point in our lives, and then our identity, the things that we're doing, the things we believe, the actions we're taking or the lack of action, all these things add up. The actions we're taking or the lack of action, all these things add up to the end result. So you can't say you want one thing and then do another. Your identity needs to align with the end vision. Okay.
Speaker 1:So it's going to either reinforce so if you had a great upbringing and you feel like you know your parents were great and they instilled confidence and you learned about money and and then you are a super successful person and success comes easy for you, it reinforces yeah, because I had great, a great support system growing up it makes sense. But then, if it doesn't, then you have to step back and go okay, what is going on here? And that's where the identity work comes in. It's going to take a lot of honesty, but it will allow you to reassess and then make some adjustments so that your new self, the self that has it all, can actually come through. And if we aren't happy with life, you know when, in this reassessment um, and this reassessment, where did my notes go? This is where you can change. This is where changes, this is where you initiate change. This is where change takes place. This is where you start getting what you want.
Speaker 1:Let's talk a little bit about the link between identity and happiness, because this is really important. I think that it's going to land. It's going to land for a lot of you. So, identity alignment what is that? What's it mean Glad you asked when your identity aligns with your true self, when you live in a way that is authentic to who you really are, that's when you experience fulfillment, happiness, joy. Things just seem to happen, fall into place right. When you live in a way that truly lights you up right. It will allow you to feel at peace, like at peace with yourself, at peace with your choices, at peace with what is coming tomorrow. When you lay your head down at night, you're not going to feel this sense of overwhelm, this sense of like dread, because you'll know, you'll always know who you are and, in those moments of trials and tribulations, how to get through it.
Speaker 1:And the only time that you really feel threatened by life, by other people's opinions of you, about you, what they say about you, what they're saying behind your back, the only time you're really offended by that is when you are not anchored in to who you are. I tell my daughter this all the time when people talk about her, oftentimes, when people talk about her, oftentimes, when people talk about you, or they say things behind your back, or they gossip or they hate, or they say things that hurt you and they're meant to hurt you, it is a reflection of what is going on internally with them, because happy people make people happy and hurt people make people hurt. And so I just remind her that, as long as she knows, as long as you know who the fuck you are, who else can know you as well as you? You, god, through your creator, you and your creator, I'd like to say your mom. But even your mom doesn't know everything, right?
Speaker 1:So why do we let insults and speculations and toxicity hurt us when it's said about us? Sometimes it could be because it's a person you think cares about you, but outside of us. Sometimes it could be because it's a person you think cares about you, but outside of that, and it feels like wow, that hurts because I thought you loved me, and it hurts to hear something negative about myself. So it's more of a betrayal. But if it's just someone that insults you, random, on the internet, anything like that, the only reason it truly hurts is because you believe in something they're saying.
Speaker 1:But when you have an anchored self-identity, when you have an anchored self-image of yourself and you don't give a fuck what other people think, experience fulfillment because you're not always turning around, you're not always looking behind you to see what other are they coming, what are they saying? You show up in a different way, right, and it makes sense why the people who are confident in who they are, confident in their identities, rise to the top. The reason for that is because they're not looking out here for validation of who they are, because they already know in here. So you're starting to see why this work can be so important, right, it's so magical. It is just ah, it's changed my whole life, changed my whole life.
Speaker 1:Used to be the girl and I, I would say people still don't notice me, but at this point it's, I don't want them to notice me. I go into different zones of myself within my identity. If I want to be recognized, I have no problem being recognized. I can walk into a room and own all the energy. If I don't want to be recognized, it's okay. I don't want to be recognized, but that's something that I control now. Nobody controls that for me. So it's and people that have been watching me for the past I would say 10 years they know if you are an OG. You've been here, you know A1 since day one. Hop in the comments, tell people how much you've seen me change. I was meek, thimble, afraid to stand up for myself, terrified to use my voice. Now I do not give a fuck. Speaking of, I need to smoke Y'all. We had a little here. It is Not need to. I want to. Everything shifts. Your whole life shifts. Identity crisis let's talk about that. 27, 27 years old was a huge identity crisis for me.
Speaker 1:An identity crisis occurs when there's a disconnect between who you are and who you think you should be. So many of us go through this. Some of you may be going through this right now. Right now, this is different from quantum leaps and shifting into a higher state of consciousness, of leadership, of transformation. This is different. So within this misalignment it can lead to I just remember this too well, so I may get emotional it can lead to feelings of dissatisfaction, confusion, unhappiness. Right, there's more meant for me, right?
Speaker 1:This is when we start making choices to try to feel something, to try to fit in. Maybe you start drinking, maybe you do drugs, maybe you make friends with people that probably aren't the best choice friends, but maybe they're popular or like a fun mom group. This is when we try to start fitting in because we don't know who we are right and we, in a sense, in trying to find ourselves, lose ourselves, which can ultimately spiral and last an awful long time until you become aware and before you really want to pull the mask off. You know, pull the mask off and reveal. Reveal what's underneath so that you can find your identity and purpose. Identity, identity and purpose Did y'all just hear?
Speaker 1:That was weird. I think I was about to go into a different voice. That, or my voice cracked. I don't know what that was, but identity and purpose. Understanding your identity is the key to discovering your purpose. So I posted a reel yesterday. If you haven't seen it, go back and look at it. I just stuck that so far in my mouth. Oh, talking about the joint y'all Still smoking. For the people that can't hear, I'll edit that part out, test one, two. But I posted it real yesterday and it was talking about that.
Speaker 1:If you don't know what your purpose is right now, that's okay. Just focus on yourself. Focus on yourself and if you can get obsessed with figuring out you know what makes you happy, what fulfills you, what lights you up, if you can get obsessed with getting healthy, just go on the self-discovery journey. That is when your purposes reveal themselves. In the journey of discovering who you are is how you discover what makes you happy, what you don't like, the places you enjoy visiting the activities that you could see yourself doing for a lifetime. That's where you find the passion, that's where you find the spark through curiosity, through wonder, through discovery. So if you feel like you don't know your purposes yet, it's because you don't know your identity yet. Is it starting to make sense, starting to make? But when you know, when you know who you are?
Speaker 1:And this is that unfuckwithable energy, y'all. That's what this is Unfuckwithable energy. Okay, I got that unfuckwithable energy. Do you got that unfuckwithable energy? It's my like, one of my hopes and dreams and aspirations. For all of you. I hope that you obtain the unfuckwithable energy because in the unfuckwithable energy is where it gets good. You are. I'm telling you, you are fucking unstoppable. Okay, nothing can stop you. You may get held back a little bit, you may like have a few days where you take a break or need to recoup, but you will be unstoppable. So, in knowing your identity right, you can make the choices that align with your core values, beliefs, and that's when you live a more purposeful life.
Speaker 1:Let's go over some of the common challenges with identity. Let's just dig. Let's dig a little bit deeper, okay, let's just dig. Let's dig a little bit deeper, okay. We have external pressure is a big one. Identity and transition We'll talk about that in a minute. And then we have identity versus labels, which I feel like we've kind of touched base on all these things just in conversation, just through my own stories. Right, but in going a little bit deeper, the growth and the healing is going through the wound, okay. So we're going to, we're going to dive a little bit deeper and see if it helps you.
Speaker 1:But where does my um? But external pressure, let's start there. And this is such a big one in the South I live in Mississippi such a big one in the South. I'm sure it's other places too, but religion is big here. I would say conformity is really big here, like we're expected to all be the same. You can disagree with my opinion, that's fine, but that is, that's my, my truth, that's how I've I've felt so far Okay. I've felt so far okay.
Speaker 1:But societal expectations we're talking about cultural norms and just pressure from family, from peers. All of this can distort or suppress your true identity. So let me say that again, societal expectations, cultural norms and pressures from family and peers can distort or suppress your true identity. Tell me that didn't land so that because of that. That leads you. What does that do? Think about it for a second. That leads us to live an inauthentic life according to others expectations, right rather than our own desires. How fucked up is that? So worried about what other people think that we would live most of our lives, not even the way we want to? It's something to sit with. It's something to let stoop right Steep, not stoop. I'm sitting on a stoop while my tea steeps. Did I use that correctly?
Speaker 1:Identity and transition. Identity shifts can be challenging. This is when people come to work with me and this is why, oh, this work is good. Identity shifts can be challenging, especially during major life transitions like change of careers, becoming a parent or experiencing personal growth. These shifts often require us to reassess and redefine who we are. So your identity is not set and your identity is ever evolving, ever evolving. So in these transitions, I think it's really important you give yourself grace. Okay, because just like a child going through growth stages and phases, you know. Think about how necessary it is for them to fall so they learn. To get back up, to make the mistakes, so they learn a lesson, so your identity can transition and ever evolve. And there's there's just, there's no right way, there's no perfect person. That's what is so cool about this human experience is we all get to be so incredibly unique and different. And so in these identity, identity transitions is typically when, when people choose to work with others like therapists, get into fitness training, you know get into masterminds, go on retreats and seek support, because it is tough.
Speaker 1:It is tough to transition identities, not to say that it's not necessary, totally necessary. And you know. You know who you want to be, you know how much greatness you're destined for. And if you feel like you don't, I want you to think back to when you were little, before someone said, oh yeah, that that sounds great and all, but they don't get paid much. Or you know, I think you'd be better at this. Or why don't you think about a career in this? Or they just robbed you of your joy and your dreams. Right, not to say that it was, it was realistic, but like, at the end of the day, there, there within us, is an inner child that had these big dreams, goals and ambitions and likely still wants those things in some form or capacity that that we haven't quite admitted to yet, because we were forced to grow up quickly and come to terms with the real world or what the fuck ever it is that somebody said to us to make us feel small in that moment, to rob us of that original plan. You know what I mean.
Speaker 1:So identity versus labels While labels like successful mother, introvert, can help us understand aspects of our identity how many times have you been labeled? I've been labeled my whole fucking life, feeling like a fucking, like I belong in the grocery store, like put me on a shelf bitch but they can help us understand aspects of our identity right Over, overly, I guess overly identifying, I would say, with these labels can actually limit your self-expression. So, like I was saying earlier, when you become a mom, for whatever reason, we as moms go into just full fucking mama bear mode. I'm meant to be a mom, this is all I can do, and what happens is like we get, we fester, we get built up with resentment because nobody takes care of us and because, you know, we feel that did not work out how I thought it would, because we feel forgotten and we feel like somebody should be taking care of us, the way we take care of other people, but the reality is that we have to take care of ourselves first.
Speaker 1:Who are you before being a mom? Because if you can't nurture and fully own who the fuck you are? And that means being sexy, that means being passionate, that means you know being artistic, that means doing things spontaneously. Like, who the fuck are you without the labels, without the opinions, when all of the nonsense is removed and you in your most natural state, where it feels good and juicy and you feel free and without pressure and anxiety? That's the real you.
Speaker 1:But we get so caught up with the labels that we kind of disassociate and either think that we never knew who we were or forget who we were before we became a mom, before we became a wife, before we became a CEO. Right, and there's who you are fundamentally and then there's your role in society and your family and your workplace. They do vary and so you don't want to overly identify with the labels, okay, and if you do overly identify with the labels you currently have and they make you feel limited, maybe create your own labels. What do you want to be seen as? What do you want to be called? What do you, what roles do you want to fulfill? So it's super important to recognize that identity is fluid okay and multidimensional. I'll say that one more time. It is important to recognize that identity is fluid and multidimensional. I'll say that one more time. It is important to recognize that identity is fluid and multidimensional.
Speaker 1:So, preparing for identity work, the next episode, we're gonna actually I'm gonna walk you through identity work. I'm gonna teach you how to do it, teach you what to expect. We're gonna talk about how to get started, um, and then you know the next steps you can take if you want to continue down this road, which is if, if you're not doing identity work yet, I strongly recommend it. It changes lives. It takes my clients from feeling small to exploding in their businesses. Like somebody comes to mind. Her name is Dresden and she was when she came to me. She, I love you, dresden. She knows how much I love her. Congratulations on the baby, by the way. I'm so excited for you and the girls and your husband, anyway.
Speaker 1:But when we started working together I would say a couple of years ago, a few years ago I was, I was new to the coaching industry and so I wasn't sure I was. My identity wasn't set yet and I needed to prove to myself, and so I started getting to the identity work and I shared it with my clients. So she came to me for marketing. But it came out to be way more than that and she'll tell you. If she hops in here and sees this, she'll be like oh yeah, it's more. It's more than just, than just the strategy and everything.
Speaker 1:Um, whenever it comes to being successful in business and life, right it's. It goes down to the core, like what are your fundamental underlying beliefs about yourself? What is your subconscious truly believe about yourself, what you are capable of receiving and what you deserve, what you're worthy of? I would say worthy because to say I deserve something means you had to do something for it and it's your birthright to be happy. It's your birthright to be successful. It's your birthright to feel comfortable in your own skin, to feel like you belong and like you're doing. You know your life's work, you know your purposes, you feel fulfilled, right?
Speaker 1:So when she came to me, she was not feeling fulfilled, she was not feeling lit up. Now she's working with numbers. I don't know, I couldn't be lit up about numbers. She loves numbers, but she was an accountant with a bigger company in corporate America and she had started her business on the side which was bookkeeping. So a little bit simpler than all the accounting, and she felt more fulfilled by that. So when she came to me she was like this little I say I say little because she's just so my battery, it was an alert that came up and it falls, just apologies. But when I say little because she's just so, my battery it was an alert that came up and it falls, just apologies. But when I say little I just mean she's. So I imagine her being this little, innocent, precious, just gentle, like fragile that's the word. She seemed like a fragile flower. And then by the end of us working together she was this really tall, thorny, majestic, beautiful, goddess-like rose. And I asked what changed and she told me it was working with me. It was working with me on the mindset. Working with me, obviously me on the mindset, working with me, obviously on the marketing helped her, but at the core it was figuring out and owning her power right, and so that's identity work.
Speaker 1:So when she started she was in corporate america at this job that she did not like, wanted to get out of it. We had a three-month plan to get her out of the job. She was out of the job within three months and when she in her business, started with $2,000 a month is what she was making in her business, if I remember correctly, her goal was to get to 5k months so she could get out of her job. Got to 5k months by the end of working together. In the three, or however long it was, she was out of her job making the money she wanted to make, bam. But since then she the last I spoke to her. So by the end of us working together I think she was reaching $10,000 a month and she was well beyond $10,000, $20,000 a month, the last I know. So the identity work worked.
Speaker 1:Now she's in this transition mode and this is what I want to share with y'all and a transition mode to where she's rebuilding in a way that now serves her being a mom of three and the CEO of the whole company. So at first the identity was OK, let me shift my identity to become a full time entrepreneur and to prove myself, prove to myself, I can do this Right. The new identity since having the baby. Also, she got her husband to quit his job. He works with her. They sold their home, they bought an RV. They traveled the United States. She visits with clients, she goes to networking events. She had her baby. They're a full-time fucking family and I know how many of us dream about that, right, but in doing that and having the baby and taking some time, there's a new identity coming through. A new identity coming through and that's where, that's where the magic is.
Speaker 1:Y'all a lot of us get so caught up in trying to get to the end, the end result of the identity, the cars, the money, the things but it's all about the journey of self-discovery to shift into that identity. That is the work and that's where the magic happens. And that's when you, when you's when you get into working within your identity. That's why you find your people. You have opportunities, fall into your lap, you fall in love with yourself and in doing so, everyone around you falls in love with you and you tend to attract the perfect opportunities and fulfillment is expected it's a given, it's normalized. Wealth is expected it's a given, it's normalized. It's a beautiful journey and it's so cool to see how we can ever evolve.
Speaker 1:So I say all this to say that, if you feel stuck, this is temporary. It's so temporary, everything's temporary. You could, you could be blessed with a million dollars and then a million dollars worth of shit comes through that you got to pay for. That money was temporary. Take me, for instance. I remember sleeping in my car. I remember giving hand jobs for money, so that I could eat, so that I could pay for a babysitter, so that I could take care of my kid Hard thing to fucking admit, really fucking hard thing to admit.
Speaker 1:But I know who I am now and I know that I needed to go through all these really dumb experiences to learn lessons and to prove my worth, not to anybody else but to myself, to myself, to anybody else, but to myself, to myself. But to go from essentially being a sex worker to I lead retreats. I help people find their purposes. I go to bed every night knowing that I'm doing God's work the way I was meant to do it, the way it's supposed to live through me, Because I'm so concrete in my identity. I am so concrete with the unfuckable energy there's nothing any of you could say, do or surprise me with. Would it maybe shock me? I mean, I'm a human, I have responses, okay, but at the end of the day, I know, like I know, like I motherfucking know I'll be okay, and that's, that's a gift, that is fulfillment, that is inner peace, that is knowing how to regulate your nervous system. That is truly, truly knowing and owning your identity.
Speaker 1:And I want you to think about that just for a second. What would that look like for you? What doors would that open up for you? What would your relationships look like as a result of identity work? What would your finances look like identity work? What would your finances look like? What would your aura look like if you went all-in and truly discovered who you are at the core? So identity work we're gonna go ahead and conclude. This.
Speaker 1:Identity work is the process of exploring, understanding and reshaping your identity to align to more closely with your heart, with your true self. It involves self-reflection, challenging old beliefs and embracing new ways of being. Now, in our next episode episode 85, we will dive a bit deeper into the concept of identity work and we'll explore practical steps so that you can take all of them and engage in this work, which will ultimately result in you transforming your own life. I'm really happy to share that with you. So our key takeaways Today we discussed that identity. What identity is? We discussed how it is formed and why it is so crucial to your overall happiness. Living authentically, being aligned with your true identity. That is the key to a fulfilling life.
Speaker 1:This has been so good. I'm slowing down for a second because I want to. I want to take a moment to really appreciate this for anybody watching the replay. Thank you for letting me speak, thank you for watching, thank you for opening your heart and feeling. You know, feeling into what you're meant for. I think it's really, really beautiful and I'm getting full body chills sitting here and that's why I had to stop for a second, because this is such a substantial part of my identity is being here, and so I just anybody that watches this.
Speaker 1:Thank you, I encourage you to take some time in today's crazy world right, but I do. I encourage you to take some time to reflect on your identity. Sit there with yourself. It's okay to be alone on your identity. Sit there with yourself. It's okay to be alone If you feel afraid of being alone and sitting alone, it's evidence that you need to be alone and sit alone. But I encourage you to take some time to reflect on your own identity. Ask yourself? Are you living in alignment with who you truly are? Are you comforting yourself or are you conforming to others and to others' expectations?
Speaker 1:Don't miss the next episode, please. It's going to be so good, it's going to be so good. It's going to be so good. It's going to be so good, just so excited, so excited. All right, well, if you see me looking over here, I have notes, because if I don't have notes, part of my identity is I have scroll brain. I will talk forever, we will get nowhere and we'll sit here, talk about the most random things. But closing remarks, thank you again. I know I've thanked you a few times, but thank you so much Everybody, all of my listeners, everybody who makes this possible. We are approaching the hundredth episode. I still can't believe it. Of course I can believe it because I did this. I made it happen. But just thank you for tuning in to this episode of Just Women Talking Shit.
Speaker 1:I hope you found it empowering. I hope you found it empowering. I hope you found it insightful. I hope you take what you've learned and you run with it, like I did with all the great information I got from free resources before I could afford someone. Man, that's crazy to think about. I used to sleep in my car. I used to sell my belongings, I used to give my body for money and now I invest. I invest in myself all the time I spend money. I will go buy myself a $13 drink Like. I don't give like, but it's because I made the choice. I made the choice to shift. So all these tiny little steps compound, compound and then, before you know it, you're in this whole new reality. It's so fucking cool. It still blows my mind.
Speaker 1:But if you did, if you did enjoy today's episode, I want you to be sure to follow me on social media. You can follow me personally at Spiritual Support System. The show's Instagram is Just Women Talking Shit. So at Just Women Talking Shit, if you want to visit us online, you can go to wwwjustwomentalkingshitcom. You will see our recent episodes, how to get in touch with us. You can see some teaser reels. You can write the show. You can see my pretty face and read all about me and learn why I started this. And it's got everything. It's got everything there. If you'd like to apply to be on the show, you can do that there too. But just be sure to follow us. And if you enjoyed this.
Speaker 1:If you enjoyed this listening to it, the replay of it or the recording of it on wherever you get your podcast, it's important. It's important that you share it with the world, because there's somebody else out there that needs to hear it, most likely, and so and it helps, it helps get the word out. But I like to think of it as leaving little breadcrumbs. So if you enjoyed it, share it with someone else who may enjoy it, and then we can leave the breadcrumbs for them, and then people they know that may enjoy it, that needed to hear it, that day they can find it, and we're just leaving all these little breadcrumbs throughout the universe so that people can also find their alignment, their identity and their happiness. So share it in your stories. You can tag me, you can tag Just Women Talking Shit. You can tag at Spiritual Support System.
Speaker 1:If you have any takeaways, feel free to share those in the comments of this live stream. You can send them into our show through email, through stories. But the whole idea is to connect, to connect with us. Let us know what you're thinking. You can send them into our show through email, through stories, but the whole idea is to connect, to connect with us. Let us know what you're thinking. By us I mean me. I'm saying us because I'm going to have a full team one day. I'm just manifesting that shit, okay, but right now it's just me. But I know, I know what I'm capable of and I know that one day I'll be Ricky Lake big. Okay, I'll be Ricky like big. Okay, I'll be Ricky like famous.
Speaker 1:So write us, let us know, let us know what's on your mind, if you have questions, if there's anything you want to talk about, if there's an episode you'd like us to, what are you she's digging, there's an episode or something you'd like for us to discuss, or if you have a question for me, for maybe one of my guests, that they can answer. I have all kinds of experts. Come on the show, then you can write in and I will match those with the appropriate guests so you can get the appropriate professional advice. But don't forget, don't forget to check out any of my upcoming events. I have spiritual portal retreat that is going to be next year.
Speaker 1:Got kind of some big news for that. Actually, let's just go ahead and share that here, because I have not shared it with anybody yet. I will be hosting the spiritual portal retreat on my own this year. Yeah, I'm just imagining y'all are cheering for me right now. Yeah, yeah, y'all are cheering for me right, because the past two years I've done it with a partner and, to be honest, I'm really fucking excited. Full body chills. Full body chills.
Speaker 1:As I say that, I'm really excited and I think it's meant to be. I'm so glad that she's enjoying her own stuff and she's focusing on her own stuff and I'm so grateful. I'm so grateful that she helped me get it to the point that it's at. But I'm excited. I'm excited to take the training wheels off y'all. I think it's going to be a lot of fun. I think it's going to be a lot of outdoors stuff. She was not big on outdoors and that's totally okay, but I'm ready.
Speaker 1:I'm ready to do it the way I think I would do it, and that's going to be a lot of physical activities. That's going to be water, that's going to be heights, that's going to be like challenging activities, it's going to be smoking weed, it's going to be getting grounded and they're going to be moments where we can be lazy, like I want everybody to. Just we're going to heal together, but like in a very Cheech and Chong and um wanderlust way. It's going to be fun, it's going to be. Oh, I'm so fucking excited. But I'll be hosting that next year by myself.
Speaker 1:So the wait list is open. If you want to attend the retreat or just learn about it, comment wait list and I will send you the link for that. Um and I. Yeah, it's going to be good, it's going to be so good. Uh, but outside of that, do I have any events coming up? I have to think for a second.
Speaker 1:Oh well, you can buy my new book that came out. It's on Amazon. It's called Spiritual Awakenings, part 2, volume 2. I'm a co-author on this book. If you go to the very back of the book when you get it, you can, apologies. If you go to the very back of the book, you can find my story and you can learn about me and what I attribute to my numerous spiritual awakenings throughout my lifetime. It gets deep, it gets real. There's a lot of great stories in that book. I recommend reading it from the beginning, don't just skip to the end to read mine. But there's spiritual awakenings too. So if you want to order that book, just let me know. You can type book in the comments and I'll send you the link for that to purchase it.
Speaker 1:I do know you can get a physical copy If you want it signed by me, or if you want a note or you want me to bless it in a sense with my energy. I have physical copies here. If you live near me and want to buy one and have me sign it for you, I will do that. But overall, if you want to get it like electronically, you can get it on Amazon now. If you want to get a hard copy, you can get a get it on Amazon now. If you want to get a hard copy, you can get a hard copy on Amazon now. And if you want to get like just to, I don't think I have mine, oh wait. Yeah, if you just want like a paperback, we have those two. So I will have some book signings coming up. I'm gonna get with some local coffee shops. I'm going to get with some local coffee shops. I'm going to get with the library and some bookstores, but we don't have we don't have those set up yet. So I'm still working on that. Hey, shiloh, hey, so still working on that. Yeah, I think that's about it.
Speaker 1:We got the retreat and, of course, y'all you can always apply to work with me. I have mobile mentorship. That's like having me in your back pocket. It's like we can text and I send videos. So like, if you have a question about business life, any techniques or exercises I need to show you, I'll do videos, record them, send them straight to you. It's a way to get like on-demand coaching right and that's you have on-demand coaching Monday through Friday, 9 am to 5 pm Central Standard Time. It's kind of like having a therapist. I'm not a licensed therapist, by the way, but it's kind of like having a therapist if you are into business or you have a career that you need help with. Having a business consultant, slash coach, a life coach, a wellness coach it's like having everything in one person working with me. So you have the capability of doing that either one-on-one in a one-on-one setting, and that's going to be the more expensive of the two. Or you can do the mobile mentorship, and that's going to be the lower end of the two.
Speaker 1:And I have what else? Trying to think about my free stuff? Oh, I have a free quiz that you can take and it's going to really help you determine where you are in life. Like what spot in your journey of fulfillment are you right now? So there are. You could be at the end. You'll get your results, but you could be, like, fully aligned. You may be completely unfulfilled, you could be in the middle, right? But this quiz, I think it's only seven questions. At the end you get the results hey, baby, and it will give you actionable steps. You can find this if you just go to the link in my bio. Actually, you can do that now At Spiritual Support System link in bio, at the very top. You can take the quiz and then there are other resources at the bottom, but that's completely free. And then there are other resources at the bottom, but that's completely free and it's going to give you actionable steps. It'll give you book recommendations, retreat recommendations.
Speaker 1:I'm not going to leave you with not knowing what to do next. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, and I think that's about it. I love y'all. I love you so fucking much. You deserve the best life. You deserve a life that you look forward to every day, that you don't want to take a vacation from, that grounds you, that centers you, that fulfills you, that lights you up. I want you to ask yourself when is enough enough? When are you going to go after what you want? When are you going to allow yourself to do the work it takes to step into the person you must become who receives all that you desire? I hope today's that day.
Speaker 1:Come back, listen to Just Women Talking Shit. Don't forget to rate us, don't forget to review. Do all the things. Help us out. It's just a southern little, a little southern mama out here raising five kids, trying to make sense of all this nonsense of the world. And so every bit helps. These flies are driving me crazy. Every bit helps and I appreciate you. I love crazy. Every bit helps and I appreciate you. I love you. I hope you've had a great time. I've had a great time hanging out.
Speaker 1:I cannot wait to download this and go back and edit it and put it on the show. You can expect to hear this on JustWomenTalkingShitcom on Monday September the 2nd. My anniversary is September 3rd. I'll be married for four years. What Married? Four years together, five, that's crazy. But you can expect to hear this on Monday September 2nd. Everything will be there then. Check the show notes for all the things. Again, I love you. My brain's starting to go dead a little bit. I can feel it. I'm starting to not make sense. So I'm going to go. I'm going to go. Wow, that was a real attractive sign. That was a really attractive sign off face huh. Well, y'all, it's been real, it's been fun. It's been real fun, but I gotta go. I love y'all. Bye.
